I called a friend, a guy I refer to as my spiritual guide. All he said was that if there was no passion in it, and if I was in a "don't know" zone, maybe it wasn't for me. He was right. I had never had much to do with singing. I had tried learning from two gurus in the past, both of whom I had run away from. So, why spend time with people who clearly knew little about music – let alone 'launching' talent – and compete for something I didn't want in the first place? Just to make my neighbours happy?
Turning to my colleague, I told her I had to get out. I hugged her, wished her luck and left.
Looking back, those eight hours changed my life. I stood up for myself. I felt good about the fact that no one managed to take my laughter away from me. I could giggle as much as I wanted to.
A few people still refer to me as 'Idol'. I'm hoping they stop. Soon. I can see no pride in being someone who smiles when he or she is told to. I don't need a title for being someone's puppet. I like my own title, Archana Pania! And, you know what, I don't need a million votes to burst into song whenever I feel like either...
Archana Pania is the resident jockey at Rediff Radio and got through two rounds of Indian Idol II.
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