~ * DIL KARAY * ~

~ * DIL KARAY * ~

tujhey chunay ko dil karay

tujhey panay ko dil karay



jo baat meray dil main chupi

woh bata nay ko dil karay



yeh roop mehka , yeh zulf behkri

yeh dil looobhana na teray



madhoosh mujh ko, kar nay laga hai

yun muskoorana tera,yun muskoorana tera



teri dhakan main ajj tu

bas janay ko dil karay



jab baat dil kay phir aooj bad lien

musam hai ragoon bahar



phooloon kay jaisay , kheltay badan ko

aa chum loon main zara , aa chum loon zara



tujhey chunay ko dil karay

tujhey panay ko dil karay



jo baat meray dil main chupi

woh bata nay ko dil karay
   ONE & ONLY  FAIZI EaGLe EyEz
 
 
CONTACT
 
faizi1st@hotmail.com
 
faizi1st@yahoo.com
 
 
Mobile # 0333-2377532

 

========================

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Ad Campagin
7 nude men standing in a row facing 1 nude sexy babe.
Seeing them a guy asked ........... are you all advertising for a
condom!
The men replied no for 7 up!

=============================

Sardar jeeeeeeeee

Detective test

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

================================

 

iron removal for villages

Gary Schreiber, CWS VI
 The Purolite Co.

dear sirs,

what i meant through the word "low cost" is that these methods are to be used in villages in India particularly the north east region , where you will rarely find electricity .... not to talk about mechanical pumps and chemicals......

any practical idea ?????

 

----saleem

 

 

> Message: 1        
>    Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 12:49:39 -0800
>    From: "GreenValleyPumpInc" <gvpinc@internetcds.com>
> Subject: Re: low cost iron removal methods
>
> Forget about cost being the operative word.   Try:   Best, efficient, or
> practical.   We use a Greensand Filter or a MAZ which is a lighter,
> synthetic version.    Very reliable, space efficient, and the cost of the
> Potassium Permanganate is still affordable.   We use them where this is the
> criteria...and all that does end up as a factor of costs. Steve
> gvpinc@internetcds.com
> (Business Mail)
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 2        
>    Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 12:53:28 -0800
>    From: "GreenValleyPumpInc" <gvpinc@internetcds.com>
> Subject: Re: Removing resin
>
> WE use a homemade tank with a "Shop-Vac" head attached...gets a couple cubic
> feet out pretty quick and without having to add water to help with removal.
> I notice some of the newer Shop-Vac's have pretty big tanks (and pretty
> small)...one of these is the cheapest, best we have found...can take it "on
> the job" or work in the shop...Steve
> gvpinc@internetcds.com
> (Business Mail)
>
> Message: 3        
>    Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 09:46:26 +0530
>    From: "neelesh" <neelesh@aqua-focus.com>
> Subject: Re: low cost iron removal methods
>
> please clarify  about the potassium permanganate. is green sand actually
> potassium permanganate? could not be- then what is the role of this in the
> iron removal,
> thanks
> neelesh
>
> Message: 4        
>    Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 01:19:27 -0600
>    From: "Gary Schreiber" <garypuro@deskmedia.com>
> Subject: Re: low cost iron removal methods
>
> Greensand is Manganese Greensand.  It is regenerated with Potassium
> Permanganate.  It is an excellent media for iron removal.
>
> Gary Schreiber, CWS VI
> The Purolite Co.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "neelesh" <neelesh@aqua-focus.com>
> To: <WaterTechOnline@yahoogroups.com>
> Sent: Monday, December 06, 2004 10:16 PM
> Subject: Re: [WaterTechOnline] low cost iron removal methods
>
>
> >
> > please clarify  about the potassium permanganate. is green sand actually
> > potassium permanganate? could not be- then what is the role of this in the
> > iron removal,
> > thanks
> > neelesh
> >
> >
> >

Subject: for thought

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."  http://saleemindia.blogspot.com  "

 

From: "Targgart" <targ@fwi.com>
Date: Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:55pm
Subject: for thought

Never look down on anyone . . . unless you are helping
them up.
-- Erin Majors

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Wise men talk because they have something to say,
fools talk because they have to say something."
-- Plato

"Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking
in terms of possibilities."
-- Terry Josephson

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
If you believe what you like in the gospel, and reject
what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe,
but yourself.
-- St. Augustine
 
It is the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance.
It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
-- 'The Rose' by Amanda McBroom   

Salt, when dissolved in water, may disappear, but it does not
cease to exist.  We can be sure of its presence by tasting the
water.  Likewise, the indwelling Christ, though unseen, will be
made evident to others from the love which flows from us.
-- Sadhu Sundar Singh



*******************************************************************
 

Life as a Human

Life as a Human

 

God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 35 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."

The dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 15 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.

And it is so...

*******************************************************************

0300
   From: "Kashef Eftekhar" <keftekhar@aljeel.com>
Subject: Funny Shairy




 

BAZAHIR WO MERA KHAYAL KARTI HAI
JHOOT BOLTI HAI MAGAR KAMAL KARTI HAI

DIL HAI MERA LOSE ISAY NA KARNA USE
AGHAR HOGAYA FUSE TUMHAI PARANGAY SHOES

APPLE KAT'TA HO KNIFE SE
PANI PITA HO PIPE SE
KIYA ZAMANA AGAYA HAi
JUTA KHATA HO WIFE SE

HUM CHAHAIN AAP KO
AAP CHAHAIN KISI AUR KO
AAP JISAY CHAHAIN KHUDHA KARAY
WO CHAHAIN KISI AUR KO

TU SAWAL NAHI EK PHALI HAI
MERI MANZIL TU NAHI TARI SAHELI HAI TU
 TU SHAMA HOTI MAIN PARWANA HOTA
NA TU COACHING JATI NA MAIN DIWANA HOTA

PYAR MAIN KISI NE DHOKHA KHAYA
TO KISI NE KASAM KHAI HAI
HUM WO MAJNOO HAI
JIS NE SIRF LAAT KHAI HAI

DUNIYA SE JO DARAY USAY KAHIL KHATE HAI
DUNIYA JIS SE DARAY USAY SHAIRE KHATE HAI

SHAIR CHARA SAMAJ KAR HAR GHADHA CHARNE LAGA
URDU ZABAN AATI NAHI SHAIRE KARNE LAGA

SHAMA RO RO KAY PARWANOO SE KEH RAHI HAI
MUJAI RUMAL LA DO MARI NAAK BEH RAHI HAI

HUM DIL KI THABHAI KA SAMAN NA KARANGAY
BUN JAINGAY DHULAY MAGAR HAAN NA KARANGAY

PANI AANAY KI BAAT KARTE HOO
DIL JALANE KI BAAT KARTE HOO
CHAr DIN SE MOO NAHI DHOIYA
TUM NAHANE KI BAAT KARTE HOO

PHOOL KO MAT TORO KANTA LAG JAI GA
LARKI KO MAT CHAIRO CHANTA LAG JAI GA 





 
 
 

Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

===============================

Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

A son and his father were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"


Curious, he yells: "Who are you?" He receives the answer: "Who are you?" Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!" He receives the answer: "Coward!" He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?" The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention." And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!" The voice answers: "You are a champion!" The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

Moral: YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU! As you give so you get.

" People become really remarkable when
they start thinking that they can do things.
When they believe in themselves
they have the first secret of success."

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People
by: Michael Lee, CPA

WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do.

NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.

Yup. They see problems in every opportunity.
They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind for ruining their hair.
They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions.
Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.
They never seem to move forward because they're always afraid to come out of their comfort zones.

NUMBER 2 - They Act Before They Think.

They move based on instinst or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought.
Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.
Then they spend & spend again until nothing's left. They don't think about the future. What they're after is the pleasure they will experience at present.
They don't think about the consequenses. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

NUMBER 3 - They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying.
Oftentimes they are not aware that what they're saying is not sensible anymore.
When other people advise them, they close their ears because they're too proud to admit their mistakes.
In their mind they're always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

NUMBER 4 - They Give Up Easily

Successful people treat failures as stepping stones to success.
Incompetent ones call it quits upon recognizing the first signs of failure.
At first, they may be excited to start an endeavor. But then they lose interest fairly quickly, especially when they encounter errors.
Then they go & search for a new one. Same story & same results. Incompetent people don't have the persistence to go on and fulfill their dreams.

NUMBER 5 - They Try to Bring Others Down To Their Level

Incompetent people envy other successful individuals. Instead of working hard to be like them, these incompetent ones spread rumors and try every dirty trick to bring them down.
They could've asked these successful ones nicely. But no, they're too proud. They don't want to ask advise. Moreover, they're too negative to accomplish anything.

NUMBER 6 - They Waste Their Time

They don't know what to do next. They may just be contented on eating, getting drunk, watching TV, or worse, staring at the blank wall with no thoughts whatsoever to improve their lives.
It's perfectly fine to enjoy once in a while. But time should be managed efficiently in order to succeed. There should be a proper balance between work & pleasure.

NUMBER 7 - They Take the Easy Way Out

If there are two roads to choose from, incompetent people would choose the wider road with less rewards than the narrower road with much better rewards at the end.
They don't want any suffering or hardship. They want a good life.
What these people don't know is that what you reap is what you sow. Efforts & action will not go unnoticed.
If only they would be willing to sacrifice a little, they would be much better off.
Successful people made it through trials & error. They never give up. They are willing to do everything necessary to achieve what they aspire for in life.

So, go ahead and dream, but keep yourself awake by remembering these points:

• When dreams fail, move on to something else.
• Test your dream one step at a time.
• Don't stick with a bad choice.
• Listen to advice, but make up your own mind.
• Reassess priorities when circumstances change.
• Create passion by taking action.
• Don't "marry" an occupation goal.
• Open yourself to other alternatives.

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

The Most Important Body Part
Anonymous

My mother used to ask me:
"What is the most important part of the body?"

Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy." She said, "No Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon."

Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes. She looked at me and told me, "You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind."

Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge. Over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, "No, but you are getting smarter every year, my child."

Then last year, my grandpa died.
Everybody was hurt.
Everybody was crying.
Even my father cried.

I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa.

She asked me, "Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?" I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me. She saw the confusion on my face and told me, "This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you was wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."

She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, "My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder." I asked, "Is it because it holds up my head?" She replied, "No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."

Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others.

People will forget what you said...
People will forget what you did....
But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

ARSENIC REMOVAL

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

 

By Marianne R. Metzger

From the August 2004 edition of Water Technology magazine. For a free introductory subscription, click here.

Arsenic, the twentieth most abundant element in the Earth’s crust and a major constituent in several igneous and sedimentary rocks, is released into the environment from a variety of natural and industrial sources. On October 31, 2001 the EPA announced its decision to implement the new standard for arsenic in drinking water at a level of 10 parts per billion from the original level of 50 ppb. Activated alumina has been evaluated as an effective water treatment for arsenic removal. Activated alumina is a granulated form of aluminum oxide, which is typically encased in a cartridge for smaller applications or a bed for larger applications. The raw water is passed through the bed or cartridge where the arsenic is absorbed by the alumina. Removal rates can be sensitive to varying pH levels, so additional equipment may be required to control pH levels. A higher pH level will reduce the capacity of arsenic removal (the optimum pH level is between 5.5 and 6.0). Marianne R. Metzger is technical support and accounts manager with National Testing Laboratories, Ltd. (NTL), Cleveland.

From

Reply: Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more.

----- Original Message -----
From:
To: saleem
Sent: Tuesday, November 30, 2004 10:09 AM
Subject: Re: Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more.


> Asalaamu Alaikum,
> Ina Lillahi Wa Ina Ilaihi Rajioon !
> We are shocked and distressed to hear of this news.
> My father Haji M Miakhan is quite upset at hearing of this news.
> We have very fond memories of Dr Aowal that cannot be forgotten, ever.
> We pray that the Almighty give him peace and tranquility forever.
> Since my father is not keeping well, kindly convery our heartfelt
condolencences
> to his family.
> Haji M Miakhan
> Khan Md Ashraf
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: saleem
> Date: Monday, November 29, 2004 7:00 pm
> Subject: Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more.
>
> > A VERY SAD NEWS :
> >
> > Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more.He passed away this evening at 05-30
> > at guwahati,assam.
> > ======================
> >
> > You can contact his family members at 0361-2655869 or 9864079163.=
> > ===================================================
> >
> > We know Dr. Aowal for a long time, as he is a well-known person in
> > the field of Environmental Engineering. He worked as Professor &
> > Head of the Dept. of Civil Engg. , Delhi College Of Engineering,
> > New Delhi.
> >
> > a.. He was also expert for UPSC, National productivity
> > council, Delhi productivity council, Central Board for the
> > prevention and control of pollution (C.P.C.B.), Tamil Nadu
> > pollution control Board, U.P. pollution control Board, Assam
> > pollution control Board, Haryana Pollution Control Board, Punjab
> > Pollution Control Board, Indian Institute of Ecology & Environment
> > etc. b.. He was also Member Faculty of Technology, University
> > of Delhi; Member University Court, University of Delhi; Member,
> > Academic Council, University of Delhi; Chairman, I.S.I. Committee
> > CDC-26; Dean, Faculty of Technology, University of Delhi, Member,
> > courses committee, Jamia Millia Islamia.
> > In 1996 he retired from service.
> >
> >
>
>

Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more

A VERY SAD NEWS :

Dr.A.F.S.A. Aowal is no more.He passed away this evening at 05-30 at
guwahati,assam.
======================

You can contact his family members at 0361-2655869  or 9864079163.=
===================================================

We know Dr. Aowal for a long time, as he is a well-known person in the field
of Environmental Engineering. He worked as Professor & Head of the Dept. of
Civil Engg. , Delhi College Of Engineering, New Delhi.

He was also expert for UPSC, National productivity council, Delhi
productivity council, Central Board for the prevention and control of
pollution (C.P.C.B.), Tamil Nadu pollution control Board, U.P. pollution
control Board, Assam pollution control Board, Haryana Pollution Control
Board, Punjab Pollution Control Board, Indian Institute of Ecology &
Environment etc.
He was also Member Faculty of Technology, University of Delhi; Member
University Court, University of Delhi; Member, Academic Council, University
of Delhi; Chairman, I.S.I. Committee CDC-26; Dean, Faculty of Technology,
University of Delhi, Member, courses committee, Jamia Millia Islamia.
In 1996 he retired from service.

Re: 11/27/04 CRISIS !!!!

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

----- Original Message -----

From: saleem

To: MY BLOG

Sent: Sunday, November 28, 2004 10:02 PM

Subject: 11/27/04 CRISIS !!!!

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

 

brettleetan: hi
saleemasraf: hi tanvir
brettleetan: fine
saleemasraf: its asleemmama here
saleemasraf: from delhi
brettleetan: r u comming to jorhat
saleemasraf: forwhat
saleemasraf: mohsin mamasbuya????????
saleemasraf: biya?????
brettleetan: ya
saleemasraf: nah
saleemasraf: i cant come
saleemasraf: we have a baby here 2 look after 2
brettleetan: ooo.. 
saleemasraf: dont cry
brettleetan: how old is he now
brettleetan: ok
saleemasraf: we will definitely come in ur marraige
saleemasraf: he is only 15 days
brettleetan: ok thats a promise
saleemasraf: yah insa allah
brettleetan: oo so swettt.....
saleemasraf: yup
saleemasraf: wali nana and munira nani is reaching guwahati tonight
saleemasraf: saeed nana suffred a heart stroke
saleemasraf: i think u know all these things
brettleetan: what ?
brettleetan: when
saleemasraf: three daysago
brettleetan: nooo we dint know it
saleemasraf: budin ofsaban mama got married yesterday night
saleemasraf: why???
saleemasraf: saeed mamas stroke is big NEWS in guwahati
saleemasraf: he suffered facialparalysis also
brettleetan: but WE didnt know it
saleemasraf: call mohsin bhai at our place in silpuhuri 0361-2664213
brettleetan: my mother's gettin a shock
saleemasraf: is she near you
brettleetan: ya
saleemasraf: as her tomake a call
saleemasraf: and faiz nana isinventrlator
saleemasraf: at international hospital
saleemasraf: rosemai naniis also notwell


-----------------------------

----- Original Message -----

From: JEBEEN@aol.com

To: syedatanbirazaman@rediffmail.com ; nazrup@yahoo.co.in ; Miran.Shah@turner.com ; syednasim@rediffmail.com

Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2004 10:21 PM

Subject: 11/27/04 Re: CRISIS !!!!

Manju:

 

Please convey our love and salaam to the families, and they are in our prayers.

 

May Allah give them all enough courage and patience to go through this time.

 

Jebeen

11/27/04 CRISIS !!!!

 

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

 

brettleetan: hi
saleemasraf: hi tanvir
brettleetan: fine
saleemasraf: its asleemmama here
saleemasraf: from delhi
brettleetan: r u comming to jorhat
saleemasraf: forwhat
saleemasraf: mohsin mamasbuya????????
saleemasraf: biya?????
brettleetan: ya
saleemasraf: nah
saleemasraf: i cant come
saleemasraf: we have a baby here 2 look after 2
brettleetan: ooo.. 
saleemasraf: dont cry
brettleetan: how old is he now
brettleetan: ok
saleemasraf: we will definitely come in ur marraige
saleemasraf: he is only 15 days
brettleetan: ok thats a promise
saleemasraf: yah insa allah
brettleetan: oo so swettt.....
saleemasraf: yup
saleemasraf: wali nana and munira nani is reaching guwahati tonight
saleemasraf: saeed nana suffred a heart stroke
saleemasraf: i think u know all these things
brettleetan: what ?
brettleetan: when
saleemasraf: three daysago
brettleetan: nooo we dint know it
saleemasraf: budin ofsaban mama got married yesterday night
saleemasraf: why???
saleemasraf: saeed mamas stroke is big NEWS in guwahati
saleemasraf: he suffered facialparalysis also
brettleetan: but WE didnt know it
saleemasraf: call mohsin bhai at our place in silpuhuri 0361-2664213
brettleetan: my mother's gettin a shock
saleemasraf: is she near you
brettleetan: ya
saleemasraf: as her tomake a call
saleemasraf: and faiz nana isinventrlator
saleemasraf: at international hospital
saleemasraf: rosemai naniis also notwell


-----------------------------

----- Original Message -----

From: JEBEEN@aol.com

To: syedatanbirazaman@rediffmail.com ; nazrup@yahoo.co.in ; Miran.Shah@turner.com ; syednasim@rediffmail.com

Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2004 10:21 PM

Subject: 11/27/04 Re: CRISIS !!!!

Manju:

 

Please convey our love and salaam to the families, and they are in our prayers.

 

May Allah give them all enough courage and patience to go through this time.

 

Jebeen

Naughty Little Johnny JOKES

From: "Rajiv Agarwal" <rajiv_grwl@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: (rajiv_grwl) try ur wits..

1. man
-----------
board

Ans. = man overboard


2. stand
-----------
i

Ans. = I understand





ok?....get the drift?
Let's try a few now & see how you fare





3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/


Ans. = reading between the lines




4. r
r o a d
a
d


Ans. = cross road




5. cycle
cycle
cycle


Ans. = tricycle




6.
t
o
w
n


Ans. = downtown

7.
le /
/ vel
/


Ans. = split level



8 ... 0
------------
M.D.
Ph.D.



Ans. = two degrees below zero



9. knee
------------
light

Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)





10. ii ii
-----------
O O


Ans. = circles under the eyes




11. dice
dice

Ans. = paradise



12. t
o
u
c
h


Ans. = touchdown



13. ground
---------------
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet
feet


Ans. = six feet underground





14. he's / himself


Ans. = he's by himself





15. ecnalg


Ans. = backward glance




16. death / life


Ans. = life after death



17 THINK


Ans. think big !!




and the last one is fun............





18. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....


Ans. long time no 'c'(see)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Excellent Time pass...............

Naughty Little Johnny


1.The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the
class the


following question, "What is bright red and shiny?". Little Johnny
jumped


up and shouted, "A fire engine !!!!???" No! No!" said the teacher, "
But I


like the way you think.. anyone else?" Little Susan replied that it
was an


apple and everyone was happy except Johnny of course.. Anyway, Little


Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which she nodded
OK.


"What is long, hard,rounded and has hair at one end?" "JOHNNY!!!" she


screamed,"WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..." Johnny
replied, "No,it's a


toothbrush, but I like the way you think"..


======================================================================
=================



2.Confused Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his


teacher, indicating that Johnny is having some difficulty with the


differences between boys and girls, and would his mother, "please sit
down


and have a talk with Johnny about this?" So Johnny's mother takes him
by


the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.."First,
Johnny, you


take off my blouse...." so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it
off.. "Ok,


now take off my skirt...." ..and he takes off her skirt.. "Now take
off my


bra...."...which he does.. "and now, Johnny, please take off my
panties.."


..and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE
don't


wear any of my clothes to school again!"


======================================================================
=================



3.Math Class Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when


his teacher picked him to answer a question.. "Johnny, if there were 5


birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many
would be


left?" "None", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away." "Well,
the


answer is 4", said the teacher. "but I like the way you are thinking."


Little Johnny retaliated. "I have a question for you now. If there
were


three women eating ice cream cones


in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the
third


one sucking her cone, which one is married? "Well," said the teacher


nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little
Johnny,


"the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you
are


thinking.."


======================================================================
=================



4. What is it? One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of
fruit.


"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a fruit, and
you


tell what fruit I'm talking about." Okay, first: it's round, plumb and


red." Of course, Little Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher
wisely


ignored him and picked little Deborah, who promptly answered "An
apple."


"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the
second.


It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish.." Well, Johnny is
hopping


up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But
she


skips him again and calls on Little Billy.. "Is it a peach?" "No,
Billy,


I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking.." Here's another:
it's


long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as
he


waves his hand frantically.. But the teacher skips him again and
calls on


little Sally.. "A banana," she says.. "No," the teacher
replies, "it's a


squash, but I like your thinking."


Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly.. "Hey, I've
got


one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got
it:


it's round, hard, and its got a head on it." ."Johnny!" she
cries. "That's


disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a coin, but I like your


thinking"


======================================================================
=================



5.What are you doing Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the
some loud


noises coming from his parents' bedroom.He got out of bed and walked
down


the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the


hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on..
Little


Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used


condom.. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.. His father


looked around nervously


wondering what he could tell his son.. "I, um, I'm just checking out
the


bathroom for mice." replied his father..Johnny looked at his father in


extreme puzzlement and said, "What you gonna do when you find them ?
f**k


them?"


======================================================================
=================



Not Another Word Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after
she


had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what?
Yesterday, I


was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the
room with


the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed
and


then Daddy got on top of her and -" The mother held up her hand and
said,


"Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want
you to


tell him exactly


what you've just told me." Father comes home and the wife tells him
that


she's leaving him. "But why?" he croaks. "Go ahead, Johnny, tell
Daddy just


what you told me." "Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your


closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got


undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of
her..." "...and


they did just what you did last week, Mommy, with Uncle Bob".


======================================================================
=================



Heaven Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular
day,


the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to
heaven


first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind
goes to


heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in
God."


The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand.
He


says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all
about


love." "That is so beautiful, Billy", praises the teacher. The teacher


looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she
thought, "I'm not


gonna like this..Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think
goes to


heaven first?" Little Johnny says, "Your feet." The teacher
(relieved)


asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.. He
replied, "Well,


I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her
feet


up in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"


======================================================================
=================



Pass or Fail Johnny missed his final exams due to the flu, but he'd
done so


well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal that
they


give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed. The
principal


agreed so they called Johnny into the office, explained, then the
teacher


asked, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?"


Johnny replied, "Legs." The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have
in


your pants that i don't have in my pants?" Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The


teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital ofItaly?" Johnny replied.


" Rome." The teacher turned to the principal and


asked, "Should we pass him?" The principal replied, "Better not ask
me, I


got the first two wrong"


======================================================================
=================



Harassment Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence. Johnny:Her mouth
said


'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.


======================================================================
=================



Loaf of Bread Little Johnny's mother sent Little Johnny to the store
to get


a loaf of bread..Little Johnny's is coming home from the store
swinging the


loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket..
Along


comes Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good
opportunity to


say something from the Bible to Little Johnny." He walks up to Little


Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny, that you have the Stuff of
Life in


one hand. What do you have in the other?" Little Johnny replies, "A
loaf of


bread, Father".


======================================================================
=================



Bet It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father
looked


up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but
that he


was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch
money


from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did
not seem


disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems
and


was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble.
Shortly


after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things
were


going. "Oh, everything is going very well" she said. "I I think I may
have


cured little Jhnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what
had


happened. "He absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I
had a


mole on my rear," she said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him
to


the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Crap!" The
father


said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the
teacher's


bare butt before the day was over."


======================================================================
=================



One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her
cleavage.She


asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about
you,jonny?" "Milk!"


answered Little Johnny. "No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong
answer. "Roses


drink water,"explained the teacher. "Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I
didn't know


the stem was that long!"


======================================================================
=================



Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a
keyhole


at their parents making love "Wow, look at them! And we are not
allowed


even to stick a finger in our nose!"


======================================================================
=================



Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each


other."Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny."Well, the one below
has


relaxed and the one above has concentrated." "Okay, I've understood."


"What've you understood!?" asks the father sarcastically. "Never
relax in


your life, dad, or you'll get f**ked like a dog!"


======================================================================
=================



Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom,
what are


those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny
to


ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be


forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his
father


the same question. His father, always ready with the answers,
says,"Why


Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up
and


she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more


questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few
hours


early. Johnny runs out of the house crying


hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!" His father says, "Calm
down


son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?""Uncle Harry is blowing up
Mommy's


balloons and she's screaming 'Oh God, I'm coming!"


======================================================================
=================



Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word


'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is


definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray,or


orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry,
but in


the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the
class


stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks
horrified


and says..."Johnny! of course not!!!" "OK...then I've DEFINITELY shit
my


pants..."


======================================================================
=================



Little Johnny is lying in his bed one night and just can't get to
sleep. He


decides to go to his parent's room to go chat to them. Upon entering
their


room, he sees their blankets going up-and-down. Johnny:" Mommy,
daddy, what


are you doing?" Parents:" We are playing cards, now GET OUT!" So
Johnny


decides to go into his grandparent's room, only to find the blankets
going


up-and-down. Johnny:" Granny, Grandpa, what are you doing?" Grandpa:"
Get


out! We are playing cards!" Feeling rejected, Johnny goes back to his
own


room and gets back into bed. A while later both his parents, and


grandparents feel bad for yelling at him so


decide to go and apologize. Upon entering his room, they see the
blankets


going up-and-down. "Johnny! What are you doing??!!" Johnny:" I'm
playing


cards." Grandpa:" But who's your partner?" Johnny: "With a hand like
this,


who needs a partner?"


======================================================================
=================



Not Johnny but Japani!


It was the first day of school (in US) and a new student, Suzuki, the
son


of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said,


reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give
me


death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for that of Suzuki, who
had


his


hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of
the


people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the
earth'"?


Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln,1863."The
teacher


snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is
new to


our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a
loud


whisper: "F-----g Japanese.""Who said that?" she demanded.Suzuki put
his


hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," @ that point, a student in the back
sighed,


"I'm gonna puke!" The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now who said


that?" Again, Suzuki says "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."


Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah! Suck this!" Suzuki
jumps out


of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,"Bill Clinton,
to


Monica Lewinsky, 1997."

jokes- ALWAYS BE HAPPY

 

Subject: jokes- ALWAYS BE HAPPY

   From: "Kashef Eftekhar" <keftekhar@aljeel.com>
Subject: Hilarious

Good looking kaun? charming kaun?
Dashing kaun? Famous kaun?
Woh aap to nahi. Fir bacha kaun?

********************************************
Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-
Aata hai Usha ke saath,
Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,
Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!


*********************************************

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

********************************

Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney,
this is my kid and this is my kidney.

*****************************

Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

*************************
Sharab Aisi Bimari Hai Jo Pure Samaj Ko Kharab Kar Deit Hai!!
To Aao Milkar Is Bimari Ko Khatam Kare
Ek Bottle Hum Khatam Kare, Aur Ek Bottle Tum!!

*******************

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

***************************************

Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Bhagwan Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,

******************************

Vo Ghayal Ko Lekar Jati Hai,
Tum Ghayal Kar Jati Ho!!!


*****************************************
Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back.

*****************************************

Three Explorers Are Captured...

    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

    The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

    The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

    The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

    There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

    The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe,  asshole!"

********************************************

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in heaven is to reward results," God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed wake, they even prayed."


*****************************

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
back of mine!"


 
*******************************************************************
 



ALWAYS BE HAPPY

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY

 

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY

jokes- ALWAYS BE HAPPY

   From: "Kashef Eftekhar" <keftekhar@aljeel.com>
Subject: Hilarious

Good looking kaun? charming kaun?
Dashing kaun? Famous kaun?
Woh aap to nahi. Fir bacha kaun?

********************************************
Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-
Aata hai Usha ke saath,
Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,
Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!


*********************************************

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

********************************

Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney,
this is my kid and this is my kidney.

*****************************

Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

*************************
Sharab Aisi Bimari Hai Jo Pure Samaj Ko Kharab Kar Deit Hai!!
To Aao Milkar Is Bimari Ko Khatam Kare
Ek Bottle Hum Khatam Kare, Aur Ek Bottle Tum!!

*******************

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

***************************************

Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Bhagwan Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,

******************************

Vo Ghayal Ko Lekar Jati Hai,
Tum Ghayal Kar Jati Ho!!!


*****************************************
Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back.

*****************************************

Three Explorers Are Captured...

    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

    The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

    The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

    The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

    There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

    The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe,  asshole!"

********************************************

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in heaven is to reward results," God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed wake, they even prayed."


*****************************

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
back of mine!"


 
*******************************************************************
 



ALWAYS BE HAPPY

JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....

: JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....


> Story
>
> Sam appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce from his wife,
> Anni. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell
> me why you are seeking a divorce."
>
> "Because," Sam says, "I live in a three-story house."
>
> The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal
> about a three-story house?"
>
> Sam answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the
> second story is ...'It's that time of the month."...and the third story
> is, ..." NO..we'll wake the children. ".
>
> ======================
> How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths
> in Recorded History
> Francis Bacon:
>
> One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A
> statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even
> rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.
>
> How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken
>
> One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by
> the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in
> the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a
> chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in
> the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The
> ong>chicken never froze, but Bacon did.
> =======================
> Aeschylus:
>
> A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the
> father of Greek tragedies.
>
> How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
>
> According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack
> them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head
> for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.
>
> - --------------------
> chinese torture
>
> One day, a man was driving down the road in the country where they is no
> electricity or anything, when suddenly, his car breaks down. So, he goes
to
> the nearest farm house, knocks at the door and is greeted by an oriental
> man, He says, "Hi, my car broke down. Can I stay here for the night, and
> walk to town in the morning?"
>
> The farmer says, "Sure. Just one thing. DO NOT *TOUCH* my daughter, or I
> will administer the three worst Chinese tortures know to man."
>
> The guy thinks, "No problems" and says "OK" and goes in.
>
> Later, at supper, he gets to meet the farmers daughter, and man is she
> gorgeous! Not only that, but she is obviously attracted to him. After
> supper, the farmer shows the man to his room. In the middle of the night,
> the man sneaks into the daughter's room, and they, (as quietly as
possible)
> make love for hours. Then the man sneaks back into his room, exhausted,
> thinking, "There, didn't even get caught".
>
> Well, in the morning, the guy wakes up and finds about a 6" rock on his
> chest. There is note on it that says, "Chinese torture #1, large rock on
> chest."
>
> The guys thinks to himself, "HA!" And throws it out the open window. It
was
> then that he noticed a string tied to it. It said, "Chinese torture #2,
rock
> tied to left testicle."
>
> In his panic, the guy jumps out the window, thinking a broken leg is
better
> than the alternative.
>
> Then on his way down to the ground he sees a sign that says, "Chinese
> torture #3, right testicle tied to bedpost."
> ======================
> A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and
> immediately she suggests that they do "69."
>
> "What the hell is that?" asks the guy.
>
> Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between
> your legs, and you put your head between mine."
>
> Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the
> moment, he agrees to try it. The second they get into position, she lets
> loose a rip-roaring fart!
>
> "What was that for?" he asks.
>
> "Ooops!..sorry, let's try it again" she says. So, they get into position
> again, and once more she lets one loose! The guy gets up and starts to put
> his coat on.
>
> "Wait, where are you going??" she asks.
>
> The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those,
you're
> crazy!!"
> ==========================
> Teacher Arrested
>
> At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a
> public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
> possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
> calculator.
> When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted
> us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
> fingers and toes."
> ---------------------------------
> The Note
>
> Old George's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't
> look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something
> to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper,
> and George uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.
>
> The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he
> places it in his jacket pocket.
>
> At George's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes
> he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when George died.
>
> "George handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked
> at it, but knowing George, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it
> for us all."
>
> Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
tube"
> ===========================
> The Rabbi's Visit ...
>
> Rabbi Visit
>
> A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to
> synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of
> faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent
> health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see
you
> at services anymore?"
>
> The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When
I
> got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95,
> then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've
> forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
> *******************************************************************
> ............................
>
> "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
>
> "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
>
> The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to
> put your hand in front of your mouth."
>
> "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
>
> .............................
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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>

A BABY BOY

A BABY BOY TO FARHANA. Al hamdu lillah.

09/11/2004 at 12-45 NOON

2.99 KGS

MOTHER BABY FINE AT HOLY FAMILY HOSPITAL

JOKES---Two Arabs boarded a flight

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York.
One sat in the window seat and the other sat
in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an
American got on and took the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes
off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when
the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll get
up and get a beer." "No problem," said the
American, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up
the American's shoe and spat in it. When he
returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That
looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the
American obligingly went to get it and while he
was gone, the other Arab picked up the other
shoe and spat in it.

When the American returned to his seat, they all
sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was
landing, the American slipped his feet into his
shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

He looked at the two Arabs and asked, "Why does
it have to be this way? How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations? This hatred?
This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing
in beers?"

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

Genie Genie...

Two friends were playing golf, when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch BIC lighter.

"Wow ! " said his friend, "where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."

He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.

The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said.

So he asks the genie for a million bucks, and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly the sky begins to darken, and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.

The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch BIC?"

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WATER TREATMENT

Gary has replied most of your querries with linkage.

The "centralised RO " will still be a better option as you will have less
rejects. A household RO typically works at 15-20% recovery whereas a 100
m3/day RO with Reject Recycle can give up to 60-65% recovery easily. If you
calculate the "Water Saved" , you are there.

About Softening. This water already has "too much Sodium" & "too much
Alkalinity" . If you Softnen further, the Na/TC ratio will not be condusive
& there will be hardness leakage. Also at this hardness & alkalinity the
"feel" of water will be too slimy. We came across such case where we had to
"blend the hardness" to reduce slimyness. What about the " High TDS"
regeneration effluent?. Where is the disposal.

The RO Outlet can be PH corrected before pumping. This will also be a very
stable system as compared to other option. Ro reject will not be as high in
TDS( @ 3000 ppm) as Softner regeneration effluent (normally 7000- 8000 ppm)

Regards !

Shrikant

=================================

thanks a lot shrikant

the total water wastage may not click since they are proposing to install ro
in individual units only for kitchens whereas the central ro would be for
the whole area.and hence the total water wastage may be higher.I am
proposing that they use it for groundwater recharge and gardening.

the point regarding sliminess I will take up with them.I have also told them
that 300 as hardness for a domestic situation is not too hard and they
should be more worried about the chlorides.is that correct?
the point made to
Garry remains-

will the chlorides untreated not be corrosive? is there any other method of
removing them?

Neelesh

============================

Gary has replied most of your querries with linkage.

The "centralised RO " will still be a better option as you will have less
rejects. A household RO typically works at 15-20% recovery whereas a 100
m3/day RO with Reject Recycle can give up to 60-65% recovery easily. If you
calculate the "Water Saved" , you are there.

About Softening. This water already has "too much Sodium" & "too much
Alkalinity" . If you Softnen further, the Na/TC ratio will not be condusive
& there will be hardness leakage. Also at this hardness & alkalinity the
"feel" of water will be too slimy. We came across such case where we had to
"blend the hardness" to reduce slimyness. What about the " High TDS"
regeneration effluent?. Where is the disposal.

The RO Outlet can be PH corrected before pumping. This will also be a very
stable system as compared to other option. Ro reject will not be as high in
TDS( @ 3000 ppm) as Softner regeneration effluent (normally 7000- 8000 ppm)

Regards !

Shrikant

===============================

thanks Gary comments are as under-

I understand and appreciate that the chlorides will not go down with softening I was just wondering if the high chlorides will not interfere with the softening which shrikant deshpande has answered in the affirmative.

I also take the point that the dissolved gases will have to be removed to reduce the corrosion. This can be done by a degasification tower or can we use an activated carbon filter after the ro to remove the dissolved carbon dioxide.? that should be a simple solution is it not?


also the basic question remains. will not the chlorides be corrosive left as they are?
also what is the method of removing them if we just soften the water.
the site is not reachable. could you give me another link please.

Neelesh

================================

First, softening the water will not affect the chloride content of the
water.

Secondly, chlorides or sulfates alone are not the only factors to consider
in determining the corrosivity of water. The presence of Dissolved oxygen
and Carbon Dioxide are added factors. As are any electrical currents that
may be present and aggravated by dissolved ions in the water. These could
be any improperly grounded electrical systems or galvanic or dissimilar
metals cells that may exist in the plumbing. Your proposal of an RO
system would have pretty much the same effect on corrosivity as a water
softener. Maybe even more so because RO will pass any dissolved gases and
those would have the effect of reducing pH. In other words more corrosion
factors. A water softener would have no effect on pH. With the water
analysis you provide one would also expect to have to treat the resulting
water to reduce the corrosiveness of the water regardless of the method
used for mineral reduction.

A good web site to visit is www.corrosion-doctors.com That site will give
you a better idea of the various corrosion causing factors. It will not,
however, support your claim that reducing all mineral content of the water
will make the water less corrosive. In addition to any mineral reduction
one needs to also treat for water corrosivity.

Gary Schreiber, CWS VI
The Purolite Co.
========================================

dear friends,

we have come across a water sample with the following parameters

TDS 1698
hardness 325
Tss 3
ph 7.9
sulphates 175
chlorides 490
nitrates 11
iron o,10
alkalinity 1240
silica 0.7


the total water requirement for the building housing 70 families is about
100 m2/day.

we had proposed the installation of a reverse osmosis unit which would
reduce the TDs level and reduce all contaminants to make the water
potable.however someone else has suggested that they install a softener
and install individual ro units for drinking water in each flat.

I strongly felt that the water could become soft but yet the chlorides
would ultimately corrode the pipes. besides the alkalinity would cause
taste problems when rinsing etc.

my questions are-

will the chlorides interfere with the softening process if so how?
even if the water is softened will not the chlorides along with the
sulfates cause pipe corrosion?
can you suggest some sites or links which can corroborate your opinion
particularly about the corrosion to pipes etc due to the high chlorides
which softening will not remove.
is there any other method of removal, of the chlorides besides dm?

the reference to the links are very important since the client wants
irrefutable proof that I am right independently corroborates since the
company that made the initial recco is much larger than mine and carried
more weightage in the client mind.

Neelesh

> I would appreciate if any one can help with a problem that I have never
> encountered before.
>
> A customer of mine owns a 20 year old Kinetico model 30 water softener
> that
> has what appears to be green algae growing internally. It is visible
> inside
> level 1 through the clear top cap. The valve was rebuilt, resin replaced
> and components sterilized with chlorine about 6 months ago but the problem
> has returned. The customer also complains of a musty smell on the soft
> water only. It is installed on a chlorinated municipal water supply.
>
> Any advice on the best way to kill algae?
>
> Ken

Hello Ken...would you consider an option of an Electronic Water
softener?....to replace or work with it..also this unit prevents broadweed
in ponds...look into the technology...
Sincerely ...Terry
www.teamenterprise.ca
Team Enterprise..... it takes very little to put things right
130 Linwood St.
London, Ontario
N5Y 1W4
519.455.1468

======================================

18 Body Language Clues That Say He's Interested -- Definitely

18 Body Language Clues That Say He's Interested -- Definitely
By Tracey Cox

It's nerve-wracking isn't it? No matter where you meet a guy -- at a bar, a friend's house or even church -- the facts remain: You have to wonder what he's thinking and whether he really likes you. But did you know that men are pre-programmed to send out physical clues when they're interested in a woman? Read this excerpt of Superflirt by Tracey Cox and learn how to read any guy's body language with ease.

Legend has it that men make the first move, then plead, cajole, wine, dine and basically bribe (via chocolates, flowers and dinner dates) women into their bachelor pads to either a) have their wicked way or b) get down on bended knee. Women -- sweet, passive, delicate little flowers that we are -- start out strong by defying his attentions, until sheer persistence breaks down our resistance and we agree to...a sherry. Meanwhile, we fill our days by reading romance novels and peering from behind closed curtains, on the watch for knights on big white stallions.

What a load of crap. Women have always made the first move and orchestrated the pace, flow and direction of romantic relationships. Masters of intuition and emotional manipulation, adept at body language, able to gauge the emotional temperature of a room quicker than our nipples stiffen in a breeze, you can bet on it that if he's on his way over, armed with courage and a pickup line, you were the one who lured him.

Women choose from no less than 52 moves to show men they're interested. The average man chooses from a maximum of 10 to attract a female. Good news then, that the average female is usually very good at deciphering body language. Just in case you're not, I've included the obvious, along with signals that are more subtle, secretive and (occasionally) downright loony.

He'll serve you an eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they like us back, they raise their eyebrows. The whole thing lasts about a fifth of a second and it happens everywhere in the world -- to everyone regardless of age, race, or class. Lifting our brows pulls the eyes open and allows more light to reflect off the surface, making them look bright, large and inviting. A flash might be easy to miss but they're so reliable, if you do spot one, you may know someone likes you before they've even registered it themselves. Deliberately extend it for up to one second and you've drastically upped the chances of him getting the message you're interested.

His lips part. If he likes what he sees, his lips will automatically part for a moment when your eyes first lock.

His nostrils flare and his face generally "opens". The raised brows, parted lips, flaring nostrils and wide eyes give the whole face a friendly "open" expression.

He'll try to attract your attention. For some men, this might mean a subtle tie adjustment along with a silent prayer that you'll notice the flash of movement. Others turn into Bippo the Clown and become so loud and boisterous, they're practically juggling and doing handstands. Any exaggerated movement or gesture usually means he's trying to stand out from the group. Another giveaway: he'll unconsciously detach from his friends by standing slightly apart, hoping to be seen as an individual.

He'll stroke his tie or smooth a lapel. We all know what these preening gestures mean. They're the equivalent of the female lip lick -- "I want to look good for you."

He'll smooth or mess up his hair. Which gestures he chooses depends on his hairstyle and what's going to make it look more flattering. Guys do this involuntarily and more often than you think. Glance back next time you trot off to the restroom and I bet his hands will be on their way to touching his hair.

His eyebrows remain slightly raised while you're talking. A slightly surprised, quizzical expression means he finds you fascinating. Or completely nuts. Quite frankly, either are preferable to a man who looks at you with a smooth, relaxed brow and eyes. That one simply finds you boring.

He'll fiddle with his socks and pull them up. In the old days, men only dressed up on special occasions, and while the suit might have survived months in mothballs, the socks invariably continued to get worn (to death). Hence, why he spent half the night pulling them up, in an attempt to look the part. It's an extension of preening and it's astonishingly accurate. If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it's an almost 100 percent sign he's interested and trying to look his best.

Everything is erect. Ahem. What I mean is he'll stand with all his muscles pulled tight, to show his body off to best advantage. He'll also stand directly in front of you to show full attention and lean forward to get closer.

He'll let you see him checking out your body. Some experts call it "visual voyaging" -- his eyes take a little cruise around your body, stopping momentarily at the prettiest ports. Don't kid yourself: he scanned your body automatically the second he laid eyes on you. The difference here is that he's letting you see him do it. The message: I'm considering you as a sexual partner.

He'll spread his legs while sitting opposite, to give you a crotch display. He's letting you have a good look at what's on offer. Hopefully, he still has his jeans or pants on at the time.

He'll stand with hands on hips. This accentuates his physical size and suggests body confidence. It's also a pointing gesture. We point with our hands at our own best sexual assets and also at the parts of our body where we'd most like to be touched. If he spends the night with his hands on his hips, fingers splayed and pointing downward, he's willing you to look, touch and admire the part he's proudest of. All subconscious, of course. Well, it is in most cases...

He'll play with the buttons on his jacket, buttoning and unbuttoning it. It's a displacement activity (fiddling) because you've made him a little nervous, plus an unconscious desire to remove his clothes. The next stage is to push the jacket open and hold it there by putting his hands on his hips. If he takes it off completely, he's imagining his shoes under your bed.


He'll touch his face a lot, while looking at you. If he's interested, he'll stroke his cheek up and down with the back of his fingers, touch his ears, or rub his chin. It's a combination of nervous excitement, preening and autoerotic touching. When we're attracted to someone, our skin (most noticeably our lips and mouth) become increasingly sensitive to touch and other stimulation. If you smoke, you'll take more drags on your cigarette. If you're drinking, you'll take more sips. You start touching your own mouth more because your lips are ultra sensitive and it feels good. Plus, it plants the idea in the other person's mind that it could be a good idea to kiss you.

He'll start squeezing his glass or can or roll it from side to side, slightly squeezing it as he does so. When men are sexually interested, they start playing with circular objects. Why? They remind him of your breasts: his body is "leaking" what's happening in his subconscious mind.

He'll perch on the edge of his seat to get closer. And if he crosses his legs, the top leg will point in your direction

He'll guide you by putting his arm on your elbow or in the small of your back. The arm guide isn't just good manners and a polite way of guiding you through a crowd; he's making sure he knows exactly where you're going by taking you there. He doesn't want to lose you! It also shows you're being "taken care of" so no other men need volunteer. Along with the arm guide, there'll be lots of accidentally-on-purpose touches.

He'll lend you his coat or sweater. Few guys would be happy to return from the bar to find their girlfriend's evening dress covered by another guy's jacket. Never mind if her teeth were chattering from life-threatening hypothermia. He wants it to be his jacket because it's a protective, sexy, ownership gesture. It says "what's mine is yours," something that's been close to their skin is now close to yours (and vice versa when you give it back). It smelled of him to begin with; it'll smell of you when you return it. Plus, it links you: he has to hang around to get it back.