: JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....
> Story
>
> Sam appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce from his wife,
> Anni. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell
> me why you are seeking a divorce."
>
> "Because," Sam says, "I live in a three-story house."
>
> The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal
> about a three-story house?"
>
> Sam answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the
> second story is ...'It's that time of the month."...and the third story
> is, ..." NO..we'll wake the children. ".
>
> ======================
> How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths
> in Recorded History
> Francis Bacon:
>
> One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A
> statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even
> rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.
>
> How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken
>
> One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by
> the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in
> the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a
> chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in
> the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The
> ong>chicken never froze, but Bacon did.
> =======================
> Aeschylus:
>
> A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the
> father of Greek tragedies.
>
> How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
>
> According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack
> them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head
> for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.
>
> - --------------------
> chinese torture
>
> One day, a man was driving down the road in the country where they is no
> electricity or anything, when suddenly, his car breaks down. So, he goes
to
> the nearest farm house, knocks at the door and is greeted by an oriental
> man, He says, "Hi, my car broke down. Can I stay here for the night, and
> walk to town in the morning?"
>
> The farmer says, "Sure. Just one thing. DO NOT *TOUCH* my daughter, or I
> will administer the three worst Chinese tortures know to man."
>
> The guy thinks, "No problems" and says "OK" and goes in.
>
> Later, at supper, he gets to meet the farmers daughter, and man is she
> gorgeous! Not only that, but she is obviously attracted to him. After
> supper, the farmer shows the man to his room. In the middle of the night,
> the man sneaks into the daughter's room, and they, (as quietly as
possible)
> make love for hours. Then the man sneaks back into his room, exhausted,
> thinking, "There, didn't even get caught".
>
> Well, in the morning, the guy wakes up and finds about a 6" rock on his
> chest. There is note on it that says, "Chinese torture #1, large rock on
> chest."
>
> The guys thinks to himself, "HA!" And throws it out the open window. It
was
> then that he noticed a string tied to it. It said, "Chinese torture #2,
rock
> tied to left testicle."
>
> In his panic, the guy jumps out the window, thinking a broken leg is
better
> than the alternative.
>
> Then on his way down to the ground he sees a sign that says, "Chinese
> torture #3, right testicle tied to bedpost."
> ======================
> A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and
> immediately she suggests that they do "69."
>
> "What the hell is that?" asks the guy.
>
> Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between
> your legs, and you put your head between mine."
>
> Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the
> moment, he agrees to try it. The second they get into position, she lets
> loose a rip-roaring fart!
>
> "What was that for?" he asks.
>
> "Ooops!..sorry, let's try it again" she says. So, they get into position
> again, and once more she lets one loose! The guy gets up and starts to put
> his coat on.
>
> "Wait, where are you going??" she asks.
>
> The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those,
you're
> crazy!!"
> ==========================
> Teacher Arrested
>
> At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a
> public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
> possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
> calculator.
> When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted
> us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
> fingers and toes."
> ---------------------------------
> The Note
>
> Old George's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't
> look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something
> to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper,
> and George uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.
>
> The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he
> places it in his jacket pocket.
>
> At George's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes
> he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when George died.
>
> "George handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked
> at it, but knowing George, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it
> for us all."
>
> Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
tube"
> ===========================
> The Rabbi's Visit ...
>
> Rabbi Visit
>
> A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to
> synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of
> faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent
> health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see
you
> at services anymore?"
>
> The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When
I
> got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95,
> then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've
> forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
> *******************************************************************
> ............................
>
> "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
>
> "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
>
> The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to
> put your hand in front of your mouth."
>
> "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
>
> .............................
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004
JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....
Environmental Entrepreneur,Green Biz.NRN Murthy of Infosys says that we Indians are weak in execution.We need to realize the need and practice of gud project management. Form a group of competent Managers,Give them responsibilities and review the project from day One.
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