Sunday, October 31, 2004

House of 1000 Mirrors

contributed by "Kashef Eftekhar" <>
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

Moral: All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?


how 2 kill lion?

Yash Chopra (Indian Film Director's) method:
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:
Save ! the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush Junior's method:
Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run.
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my elderly aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."




1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

If you come over to my place and see dust an inch thick, dirty laundry and ironing piled high, blame it on my mother... She always told me: "If you can't do a job right, don't do it at all!"



A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill, and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time.

When he returned, the lush remarked, "It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday."

"There was no trouble with the liquor," replied the bellboy, "but it's tough finding a Sunday paper on Tuesday."



Some people have a hard time believing that all of those animals could fit inside Noah's ark.

But what amazes me is that Noah built the ark without a single power tool.



After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended
up not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his
shirts was.

"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused, "What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three
days?" I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."


A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby
and four children under the age of five.

"I want a divorce," she said.

"On what grounds?" he asked.

"Desertion, sir," she said.

"Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young

"Well," she confided, "he does come home every now and
then to apologize."


The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"
     One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."

A seaman, returning to his ship very drunk one night, fell off the gangplank and landed in the bay between the ship and the dock.  The officer on watch yelled loudly, "Man overboard!"  The sailor, treading water below, yelled back, "Tell me where he is and I'll rescue him."

Bear Hunting

A man searching for the perfect bearskin was directed into the hills
to a wild mountain man. "I want three perfect bear skins - must be
perfect, and I will pay top price to get them," he told the mountain
man. They agreed upon a price, so the two, with the wildman's dog,
set off into the hills. Soon the dog was on the trail and had a large
bear up a tall tree. The dog was going mad tearing at the bark trying
to get up the tree to the bear.

The mountain man placed his rifle down and said, "Stand back, watch
this." He started shaking the tree, the dog was in a rage. The bear
fell down and the dog promptly jumped on it and screwed it to death.

"That's incredible," said the man. "I've never seen a dog like that."

Soon the dog had another bear up a tree. Same thing again, down came
the bear and was quickly screwed to death by the dog.

"One more to go," said the mountain man and the dog was on the trail
again. Once again another bear was treed, the mountain man shook the
tree, but the bear refused to fall.

"Take my rifle," he said.

"Why?" said the man.

"I'm gonna climb that tree," said the mountain man, "and if I fall
down before that bear - shoot the dog!"

A man complained to his neighbor at the bar, "Yesterday, I thought I'd
solved all my problems. I thought I'd found a way to forget my
mother-in-law. I went to the pub and got drunk."

"Did it work?"

"No, when I got home I found two of her waiting."


A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver
and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the
wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped
around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the
monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up
and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the
officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"

"Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his
hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?"
asked the officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and
held them to his mouth. "They were smoking?"

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey continued motioning. "They were
kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking
and kissing before they wrecked."

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey.
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In i! t was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

"No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,

"Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said,

"Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"


A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying
on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!” and she pushed
him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom
discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man
replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said,........ "Those little bastards."

STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. 
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level 
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.


              Three Buttons
A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied.
The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she said, "the ladies' restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and there was one red button labeled "ATR."
Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the "WW" button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men's restroom didn't have nice things like this.
Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the "WA" button. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the "PP" button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies' room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy.
He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
"What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies' restroom on a flight to Atlanta!"
"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. "That last button marked "ATR" is an automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
While gazing at dinosaur fossils in New Mexico, a tourist asked a guide
how old the bones were.   "These happen to be one hundred million and
three years old,"  said the guide.

"How can you be so exact?"  asked the tourist.

"Oh, I just have a good memory,"  replied the guide.   "An archaeologist
came here and told me these bones were a hundred million years old, and
that was exactly three years ago."










Take your time with this test and you will be amazed. I did this last
year when this came around and a spiritual wish I made did happen - in
fact all year long.

The Dalai Lama suggests you read it to see if it works for you. Very

Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.

Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a
parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you
have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.


A warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only 4
questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have
honest results.

Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down.

Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go

You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will
tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item. The
first thing that comes to mind is usually your best answer. Remember -
no one sees this but you.



(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference:

Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig

2) Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.

3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, which
you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer
twice. Name just one person for each color:

Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.

(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of
the week.

FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.

Look at the interpretations below: But first before continuing,

REPEAT your wish.


(1) This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER

Tiger Signifies PRIDE

Sheep Signifies LOVE

Horse Signifies FAMILY

Pig Signifies MONEY

(2) Your description of dog implies your own personality.

 Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.

Your description of the sea implies your own life.

(3) Yellow: Someone you will never forget

Orange: Someone you consider your true friend

Red: Someone that you really love

White: Your twin soul

Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

4) You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite
number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded.

This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium - just take a
few seconds to look it up, read it and think.

Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands
in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise.

This is true, even if you are not superstitious.

Please do this. It is fascinating. SEND THIS E- MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST

0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly

5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking

9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks

15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you
wish will come true



How to Give Your Wife a Body Massage

Happy Ending Massage
The truth of the matter is far more women receive erotic or sensual massages than the public is aware of.
This massage can focus on certain areas  like the breasts, lower abdomen, inner thighs near his/her private parts.
 Logically, anything that increases blood flow to the pelvis increases sensitivity, arousal.
First Back massage:"At first you're on your stomach, so they're just massaging your back, Lightly caress your S.O.'s neck, shoulders, arms, back, and buttocks with your fingertips  for at least five minutes.
Second Front Massage:" Then they turn you over. [My masseur] started massaging my breasts. My nipples got erect, so that must have sent him a signal. Nipple play is also important. "Nipple stimulation is processed in the same region of the brain as touch to the clitoris and penis, so lightly stimulating the area around the nipple (the areola) on both men and women can be very stimulating," says Laino. "It will increase blood flow to both the nipples and to the genital area. And don't forget the abs! This is a hot spot for both men and women—especially the area between the belly button and genitals, says Laino. "Massaging this area can make the pelvic floor muscles contract," she says. That sends blood flow straight to the genitals, she says. 
 He started rubbing me on the pressure points around my hips. Giving his or her inner thighs a rubdown. "The inner thighs, for ladies and gents, are very sensitive because they're so close to the genitals. He never actually touched my clitoris or vagina; it was just all around the area.  This guy was a master of temptation. He would get oh so close, closer... and then back away.
 My legs spread apart almost involuntarily as I waited for him to start the sexy part.
Ok, now that your S.O. is primed and ready, onto the good stuff:
For Him
Warm up some massage oil by rubbing it with both hands, then spread it all over his penis and testicles. Place one hand on the shaft of his penis, and start stroking it in an up and down motion, says Cadell. Meanwhile, use the other hand to gently roll his testicles in your palm. Do this in slow-mo for at least a few minutes.
Next, gently rub his penis with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire, then gradually segue into a corkscrew motion, where one hand twists up while the other twists down.
Now concentrate on massaging his penis from top to bottom, covering the head and sliding your hands down to the base—one after another—in a fluid motion. "Do this for about 10 strokes and don't be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke makes him feel like he's inside a wet vagina," says Cadell. Me. Ow.
For Her
"On the female genitals, it's best to switch to a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation," says Cadell. Make sure to warm the lube with your hands first before placing them in her vagina.  
Nearly 50 percent of men and women who have used lube say that it makes it easier to have an orgasm
Start by focusing on the vulva, which is the outside visible area of the vagina, says Cadell. Gently rub the lube around her vaginal lips all the way down to her anus.
Gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs, caressing them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they're spread apart, then do the same with her inner lips. "The inner lips are more sensitive, so use less pressure," says Cadell. "Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her vaginal lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets aroused."
Finally, gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the clitoris for about 10 strokes. Massage the head of the clitoris in circular motions using your forefinger and thumb. "You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited, and with the clitoris containing about 8,000 nerve fibers, don't be surprised if she has a body-melting, earth-shattering orgasm," says Cadell. Game. Set. Match.
Source of the article::

Men, to experience and share great sex with your wife, be sure to use some of these sexual foreplay tips. There is an art to foreplay. Don’t just grab and squeeze, or head straight for her privates.

Foreplay is not about...
1.             Kissing
2.             Breasts and
3.             Intercourse .... all in five minutes!
In actuality, foreplay is really about courting and wooing your wife’s sensual responses and sexual arousal.
Before we get into the tips and suggestions, let’s review the all important basics of foreplay:

1.             Foreplay is part of the preparation phase of lovemaking.
2.             Foreplay is focusing on helping your wife come to sexual arousal.
3.             Foreplay must not be rushed. Spend at least 20 to 30 minutes on foreplay.
Okay, let’s get to the “mechanics”of foreplay…

Sexual Foreplay Tips to Use BEFORE You’re in the Bedroom

·                     kiss her gently in public
·                     touch her face and stroke her hair
·                     tell her you love her
·                     hold hands or put your arm around her in public
·                     tell her she’s beautiful
Tips to Use When WARMING UP!

·                     slowly start undressing her
·                     give her tender kisses on the lips
·                     gently stroke her face
·                     take time to give her a full body or shoulder massage
·                     gently caress all parts of her body (not just the typical “sexual” parts)
·                     whisper and tell her how beautiful she is and how good she feels
·                     kiss her softly all over her body
·                     interlace your fingers with hers
·                     caress her tummy (don’t tickle though!)
·                     touch and fondle her
·                     keep talking about how much you love her (unless you’re kissing)
·                     try to discover new touch points on her body that are sensitive and bring sexual arousal
·                     keep looking at her
Foreplay Tips to Use as Things GET HOT!

·                     begin more passionate kissing (don’t underestimate this tip!)
·                     start faster stroking and caressing of her body
·                     include full body embracing
·                     start oral stimulation such as licking and sucking
·                     begin to caress her inner thighs
·                     continue telling her all the ways you think she’s gorgeous and how much she excites you
·                     squeeze and stroke her body
FINAL Sexual Foreplay Tips

·                     move your hands from the top of her body all the way down until they reach between her legs
·                     listen to your wife’s verbal cues… is she feeling discomfort or pleasure?
·                     use lubricant to begin stroking her vagina and clitoris
·                     gently massage her outer vaginal lips
·                     pay attention to your wife’s body language; is she beginning to respond?
·                     ask your wife to tell you what feels good to her
·                     reach up to her breasts
·                     kiss her passionately all over her body
·                     massage her inner thighs
·                     stimulate her clitoris until she lets you know she’s ready for intercourse or ready to orgasm
·                     don’t forget to keep talking to her; tell her how much you enjoy her body
Using these foreplay ideas will bring great benefits to you and your wife’s sexual relationship including:

·                     increased awareness of your wife’s body and how she responds
·                     great orgasm experience for both you and her
·                     closer emotional intimacy as you focus on your wife’s sexual needs
So, remember:
1.             Start Slow and Gentle
2.             Speak Lovingly
3.             Don’t Rush
4.             Use Lubricant
5.             Better Discover How She Responds

place her on her back. Her legs should be apart, knees bent, and rolled out at the hips. A pillow or two under each knee (with a towel over them) will hold her legs in place so they don’t get sore or tired.
  • Start with her breasts, using a good amount of lubricant. If the lube is not warm, apply it to your hands first to warm it. Use the palms of your hands, moving in large motions. Do the same thing to each breast at the same time, then use both hands on one, then the other. Your touch should be soft; don’t apply too much pressure. Do the nipples last, and don’t do too much on them. Finish the breasts with more full breast strokes before you move to her vulva.
  • Sit or kneel between her legs. DO NOT hurry for her clitoris. This is not about getting her to climax as fast as possible; it’s about giving her a huge amount of pleasure. You don’t want to even indirectly stimulate her clitoris for AT LEAST the first five minutes.
  • Start on her inner thighs. Use plenty of lube and run your hands up and down the inside of her legs from about halfway to the knee and up. Initially, don’t go past the crease where her legs join her body. Gradually start to trace the crease, and very slowly move your hands in closer and closer to her vulva until you’re brushing her outer labia. Apply oil to her outer labia now, and spread it around without moving past the outer lips for a while.
  • Apply some lubricant at the top of her vulva and allow it to run down. Use your hand to keep it from going too far, gently moving it back up with a light touch. Now focus on the outer lips for a while. Massage each one in turn with both hands, taking the labia between thumb and fingers as you gently work up and down the lip. Next place one hand on each labia, covering each but leaving the inner labia alone. Press in slowly but firmly. Move your hands up and down together, in the opposite direction, in circles together, and circles in opposite directions. Hold firmly enough the labia move with your hands, and then slip out. Then hold lightly enough you slide over the labia. Switch back and forth.
  • Apply more lube, and place a palm over her entire vulva. As above, apply pressure slowly. Move in various ways, moving the flesh of her vulva as you go. Make your touch feather light so you move over her skin, then back to a firmer touch. Take your time; go slow.
  • Move to her inner labia. Stoke, rub, and pull (not too hard) outward and downward.
  • Move both hands over her entire vulva, one after the other. Go downward for a while, then upward (with the backs of your hands) then up and down. Hold her inner labia between a thumb and forefinger and move and pull them in and out, up and down, left and right, and in circles.
  • Place two fingers either side of her clitoris, far enough apart to be on the outer labia. Press in, causing the labia and the clitoris to move up between your fingers. Vary the separation of your fingers, force used, and speed, watching how each affects her.
  • As above, but press in then make small circles with your hand.
  • With one finger or your thumb, very gently push the clitoral hood upwards toward her belly button, exposing the clitoris. Some women can handle light, direct touch of the clitoris when they’re highly aroused, many women can’t.
  • Move the hood up and down over the clitoris, using it to simulate her.
  • Place a finger over the clitoris, press in, and move. Vary speed, pressure, and movements. If her clitoris is firm, you can bump over it from side to side.
  • Move inside. Insert one finger S L O W L Y. Move around the vagina, pressing firmly.
  • Move your finger in and out. Add a second, and maybe a third finger.  Continue to massage the clitoris with the other hand.
  • Press on various parts of the vagina. Find what she likes.
  • Massage the G-spot, which is on the upper wall of the vagina. With the palm of your hand up, curl the one or two fingers inside. As you stimulate it, the G-spot may become more firm or pronounced. Pressure is better than movement for most women.
  • Find what makes her feel good, and keep doing them. Don’t hurry, the longer it takes her to get there, the better it will be for her. If she gives any feedback be sure to follow it. Also, look for signs from her body that what you’re doing is good, or not, or maybe too stimulating.
  • If she pleads for you to finish her, do so. Some women will lose the edge if they’ are held there too long, and others will become so frustrated they either don’t climax, or don’t enjoy it as much as they could.
  • If you know from experience she is unlikely to climax from your hands alone, have a vibrator handy – but don’t be surprised if slow focused attention takes her places she’s never been before.
When she climaxes, snuggle up to her and hold her close. Set your arousal aside for a few minutes so she can enjoy the afterglow and feel close to you.


How to make love to your wife in islam and Science.

KEYWORDS :body massage, foreplay, health, How to Give Your Wife a Body Massage, love, marriage, massage, nikah, sex, wife, vagina-massage,yoni-massage,female,massager,masseuse, male,massager,masseur

Proper SEX methods. 

The missionary position. Or man-on-top is said to be the position that's best for getting pregnant. This is because this particular position allows for the deepest possible penetration, making it possible for the sperm to get deposited closest to the cervix. place her legs over your shoulders. This shortens her vaginal canal, so your penis feels bigger inside her.

Raise the hips. 
Elevating the hips, which can be done by placing a pillow behind her, can also be helpful because this exposes the female cervix to as much semen as the male can release. 

Orgasms. Finally, while this has nothing to do with sexual positions, there are also researches that suggest the importance of the female orgasm in conceiving. According to studies, female orgasm leads to contractions that could push sperm up into the cervix. The lesson: have fun while trying to conceive. 
Q: Is male infertility a serious threat?
A: It accounts for 40 per cent of all infertility, primarily due to sperm defects. Sometimes this is brought on by external factors like tight innerwear, very hot baths, smoking, exposure to radiation and toxic chemicals. Sometimes there's a physiological basis-diabetes, hypothyroidism or genetic aberrations.
Q: What about infertility in women?
A: I see many young women who show signs and symptoms of polycystic ovaries, a condition associated with metabolic disorders and obesity. From job pressure to vehicular pollution, postponing parenthood to sexual liberation, fast food to sedentary lifestyle, all have been linked to infertility.
Conception Timeline
A: woman's fertility peaks between age 27 and 34. That's the best time to have the first baby. The best time to get pregnant? Watch out for the narrow window of time during ovulation, two weeks into the menstrual cycle. The life of a human egg is about 36 hours, while a sperm can survive in a woman's body for about 48 hours.

30% more chances of conception every month if a couple engages in unprotected sex at least two times a week.
Myth : Daily sex increases chances of pregnancy
Reality : No it doesn't. It may, in fact, bring down sperm count on the day of ovulation.
Source: The Complete Guide to Becoming Pregnant. Dr. Firuza R. Parikh. Random House India. 2011



1. Start asking her questions (don't mistakenly do anything) about
cooking, cleaning and laundry. Say, I think its time I learn to take
care of myself. You know, just in case.

2. Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's real greasy. Use every pot
and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of
everything everywhere.

3. While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink
and then at the mirror.

4. Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she's in
the kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she
reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a
big favor and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today."

5. Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop
them in the washing basket.

6. Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything
else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your way.

7. Wait until she's overwhelmed with work and lean in close and say,
"Did you see how dusty the leaves on your house plants are?"

8. Put on a TV program and them pretend to keep falling asleep. Wake up
each time she tries to change the channel and say, "Damn it, you know
how much I looked forward to watching this. Don't be so selfish."
9. Wait until she is totally engrossed in a movie then tell her
something is bugging you and you really need to talk about it. Be sure
it's as stupid, boring, and long winded as you can make it.

10. Wait until she's finally lost a few pounds on that diet. Start
having uncontrollable urges for her favorite sin foods. When she
repeatedly declines, stick it in her face anyway and say, "Oh stop it!
A little X isn't going to hurt you."

11. Continue until all weight is regained. Then ask, "Hey, you've been
on that diet a long time now, how much have you lost?"

12. Keep calling her at work to find out what time she plans to get
home and what she plans to make for dinner. Make sure you're just not
in the mood for whatever she's making.

13. When the opportunity arises, be sure to cut the grass in your brand
new white trainers.

14. When you retrieve your clothes from the closet leave the hanger in
place and pull on the clothing until the hanger is mangled enough to
allow the article to slip off.

15. Tell her something for the first time and act shocked that she
didn't know about it. Pout and exclaim, "And you have the nerve to say
I never listen to YOU."

16. When you know she's grocery shopping, disappear! Come home just in
time to watch her carry the last bag in. Grab the receipt and say,
"I'll get the rest of it for you dear." Feign surprise when she says
that's it. End with, This is all you got for how much?"

17. When ogling a woman say, "Sure she's gorgeous, but remember she's
young. I remember when you looked good too."

18. On the odd occasion you actually clean up a disgusting mess you
made, use the best towels in the house.

19. As your stomach grows just wear your pants lower and flop it over
the waistband. Then brag that unlike your wife, you still wear the same
size you did when you got married.

20. Wait until the night before you go on vacation and say, "Hon, you
know the underwear and socks you packed for me? Well the elastic is
shot and I need new ones."