LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER

LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER
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An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

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Surgery

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest.  And
they deserved it. They had done a good job.

Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He
made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about
his looks.

However it wasn't his glowing probiscus that he wanted changed.  He was proud
of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive
about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average
reindeer, or bear for that matter.

So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive
surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been  celebrated as ...
New Ears Day.

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Tsunamis kill 7,400 in India; 20,000 elsewhere

Tsunamis kill 7,400 in India; 20,000 elsewhere

December 28, 2004 17:40 IST

The toll in Sunday's earthquake-induced tsunamis continued to mount on Tuesday, with latest figures indicating nearly 7,400 deaths in India and over 20,000 in six countries across South and South East Asia.

Tamil Nadu and the Andaman and Nicobar Islands, the worst hit in India, accounted for 4,500 and 3,000 deaths respectively

In Kerala 148 people lost their lives, while 96 died in Andhra Pradesh as the waves ravaged the coastal regions of
India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia and the Maldives, washing away entire villages.

The waves were triggered by an earthquake off the Sumatra coast in Indonesia on Sunday.

Massive rescue operations have been launched across the tsunami-hit regions with medicines and relief material being
flown in from all parts of the world.

Congress president Sonia Gandhi accompanied by Defence Minister Pranab Mukherjee visited affected areas in Chennai and Nagapattinam in Tamil Nadu on Tuesday.
Bharatiya Janata Party chief Lal Kishenchand Advani visited the tsunami-hit areas in Kanniyakumari district of Tamil Nadu and some parts of Kerala.

In Delhi, former prime minister and senior BJP leader, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, announced formation of a Calamity Relief
Fund.

Water has receded in many places in Tamil Nadu and neighbouring Pondicherry making it possible for relief work to gain momentum. Mass burials are taking place in many of the affected areas.

Allaying fears, the government said a nuclear power plant in Kalpakkam in Tamil Nadu is safe and that there is no threat of radiation.

The toll in Sri Lanka, meanwhile, reached 12,271 after bodies were recovered from the Tamil rebel-held areas.

Unconfirmed reports put the toll in Sri Lanka at 15,000.

Up to 5,774 people have died in Indonesia and 990 in Thailand.

According to latest reports, 60 people died in Malaysia and the toll in Maldives ow stands at 52.

As many as 56 people died in Myanmar and two in Bangladesh.

JOKES ---*What Pissed Me Off?*

*What Pissed Me Off?*
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*Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet
is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose
right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"*
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