jokes- ALWAYS BE HAPPY

   From: "Kashef Eftekhar" <keftekhar@aljeel.com>
Subject: Hilarious

Good looking kaun? charming kaun?
Dashing kaun? Famous kaun?
Woh aap to nahi. Fir bacha kaun?

********************************************
Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-
Aata hai Usha ke saath,
Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,
Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!


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Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

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Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney,
this is my kid and this is my kidney.

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Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

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Sharab Aisi Bimari Hai Jo Pure Samaj Ko Kharab Kar Deit Hai!!
To Aao Milkar Is Bimari Ko Khatam Kare
Ek Bottle Hum Khatam Kare, Aur Ek Bottle Tum!!

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Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

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Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Bhagwan Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,

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Vo Ghayal Ko Lekar Jati Hai,
Tum Ghayal Kar Jati Ho!!!


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Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back.

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Three Explorers Are Captured...

    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

    The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

    The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

    The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

    There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

    The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe,  asshole!"

********************************************

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in heaven is to reward results," God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed wake, they even prayed."


*****************************

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
back of mine!"


 
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ALWAYS BE HAPPY

JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....

: JOKES TO LESSEN YOUR TENSION.....


> Story
>
> Sam appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce from his wife,
> Anni. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell
> me why you are seeking a divorce."
>
> "Because," Sam says, "I live in a three-story house."
>
> The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal
> about a three-story house?"
>
> Sam answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the
> second story is ...'It's that time of the month."...and the third story
> is, ..." NO..we'll wake the children. ".
>
> ======================
> How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths
> in Recorded History
> Francis Bacon:
>
> One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A
> statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even
> rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.
>
> How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken
>
> One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by
> the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in
> the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a
> chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in
> the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The
> ong>chicken never froze, but Bacon did.
> =======================
> Aeschylus:
>
> A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the
> father of Greek tragedies.
>
> How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
>
> According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack
> them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head
> for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.
>
> - --------------------
> chinese torture
>
> One day, a man was driving down the road in the country where they is no
> electricity or anything, when suddenly, his car breaks down. So, he goes
to
> the nearest farm house, knocks at the door and is greeted by an oriental
> man, He says, "Hi, my car broke down. Can I stay here for the night, and
> walk to town in the morning?"
>
> The farmer says, "Sure. Just one thing. DO NOT *TOUCH* my daughter, or I
> will administer the three worst Chinese tortures know to man."
>
> The guy thinks, "No problems" and says "OK" and goes in.
>
> Later, at supper, he gets to meet the farmers daughter, and man is she
> gorgeous! Not only that, but she is obviously attracted to him. After
> supper, the farmer shows the man to his room. In the middle of the night,
> the man sneaks into the daughter's room, and they, (as quietly as
possible)
> make love for hours. Then the man sneaks back into his room, exhausted,
> thinking, "There, didn't even get caught".
>
> Well, in the morning, the guy wakes up and finds about a 6" rock on his
> chest. There is note on it that says, "Chinese torture #1, large rock on
> chest."
>
> The guys thinks to himself, "HA!" And throws it out the open window. It
was
> then that he noticed a string tied to it. It said, "Chinese torture #2,
rock
> tied to left testicle."
>
> In his panic, the guy jumps out the window, thinking a broken leg is
better
> than the alternative.
>
> Then on his way down to the ground he sees a sign that says, "Chinese
> torture #3, right testicle tied to bedpost."
> ======================
> A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and
> immediately she suggests that they do "69."
>
> "What the hell is that?" asks the guy.
>
> Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between
> your legs, and you put your head between mine."
>
> Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the
> moment, he agrees to try it. The second they get into position, she lets
> loose a rip-roaring fart!
>
> "What was that for?" he asks.
>
> "Ooops!..sorry, let's try it again" she says. So, they get into position
> again, and once more she lets one loose! The guy gets up and starts to put
> his coat on.
>
> "Wait, where are you going??" she asks.
>
> The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those,
you're
> crazy!!"
> ==========================
> Teacher Arrested
>
> At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a
> public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
> possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
> calculator.
> When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted
> us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
> fingers and toes."
> ---------------------------------
> The Note
>
> Old George's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't
> look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something
> to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper,
> and George uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies.
>
> The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he
> places it in his jacket pocket.
>
> At George's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes
> he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when George died.
>
> "George handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked
> at it, but knowing George, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it
> for us all."
>
> Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
tube"
> ===========================
> The Rabbi's Visit ...
>
> Rabbi Visit
>
> A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to
> synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of
> faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent
> health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see
you
> at services anymore?"
>
> The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When
I
> got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95,
> then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've
> forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
> *******************************************************************
> ............................
>
> "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
>
> "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
>
> The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to
> put your hand in front of your mouth."
>
> "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
>
> .............................
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A BABY BOY

A BABY BOY TO FARHANA. Al hamdu lillah.

09/11/2004 at 12-45 NOON

2.99 KGS

MOTHER BABY FINE AT HOLY FAMILY HOSPITAL