Abu Hurairah reported, "The Prophet (saws) said, 'The righteous works that continue to benefit a believer after his death (or sadaqa jaariyah) include the knowledge that he taught and spread among others, a righteous son whom he leaves behind, or a copy of the Qur'an that he bequeaths to his inheritors, or a mosque that he builds, or a rest house that he builds for the wayfarers, or a well/pond of water that he digs for the benefit of others, helping a child for his/her education, helping orphan, donating to school/dispensary/hospital, or planting trees. He will continue to receive reward for all these even after his death.'
Haleh Banani
She was a featured expert on Al-Jazeera international, Huda TV, Islamic Open University, Mercy Mission and Bayinnah TV.She does skype therapy sessions with people from around the world saving marriages
SURA AN NISA (THE WOMAN) VERSE 4:3 IN QURAN SAYS https://quran.com/4:3
And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
All you have to do on a daily basis is start reciting this verse from the Holy Quran:
Recite Darud Shareef-
Recite Surah Fatihah
Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta elayya min khairin faqeer (Chapter 28, verse 24)
) that Rasulullah (
) is reported to have said that whomsoever has any need from Allah Ta’ala or any person then he should make wudu thoroughly. Thereafter he should perform two rakaats of salaah, read any sura in the two rakaats.) 100 times and than pray for what you want from Allah.
Every marriage is made up of two unique people of opposite genders. That’s why, what works for one couple may not necessarily work in your marriage, because you and your spouse are different people altogether with different preferences, priorities and circumstances. For this reason, generally accepted theories that may apply to many marriages may not apply to many others because different people are different. And happy Muslim couples have this figured out. It is extremely crucial for the health of your marriage that you sit down with your spouse and figure out what is important to them, and how they’ve always expected you to fulfill those needs for them.
If there is one fundamental need that exists in every single human relationship, it is the need to feel relevant and appreciated. And there is no other relationship where this need is as grossly overlooked and abused, as in marriage. Why does this happen? Is it because humans tend to take things for granted, especially when they’re done by those closest to them?
has blessed us withCouples that have learnt to communicate effectively do away with the majority of marital stress because they become so attuned to each other’s feelings that they can immediately sense the emotional state of their spouse through the slightest change in words or tone. And as our beloved Aisha
put it so beautifully –
even in anger; happy, loving Muslim spouses never desert anything more than
each other’s name when they try to communicate that they feel wronged or hurt. They never desert love and respect for each other in
conflict: this, is the key to staying happy in your marriage. Happy Muslim couples
talk like best friends, in good times and in conflict.the truth is: both men and women need love, respect, physical and emotional satisfaction. When wives get snappy and say mean things to their spouses, husbands do feel hurt and unloved; and when husbands are rude and hurl insults at their spouses, wives do feel humiliated and disrespected. When a woman’s physical desires are consistently dismissed or left half-fulfilled, she feels as frustrated as a man in such situations does; and when a man never hears any words of appreciation or admiration, he feels as underappreciated and unvalued as a woman in these situations does.
You are the only man/woman your spouse is allowed to look at from head to toe, so please don’t be an eye sore! Yes, make this your mantra. Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror at your unkempt hair, permanent pyjamas or neglected body. Looking good for your spouse is as important (and as easy) as everything else you do everyday like eating or sleeping.
Don’t stop your spouse from being kind and loving to their parents, don’t stop them from being helpful towards their colleagues and relatives, don’t make them cut ties that you know they should keep, don’t compel them to bottle up their talents when you know their skills can be used in a halal way to bring about a lot of good, don’t control their every relationship and acquaintance with other people like an air-traffic controller, don’t bark orders and rules and taunts at them at every opportunity: don’t make your spouse wither into a dull, lifeless, thorny, poisonous weed; because that is not what Allah
created them to be – that’s what control freaks
make out of the people they live with.Make time for each other. there’s just no excuse not to give at least half an hour (okay, 15 minutes when you’re just too exhausted) of undivided attention and love to your spouse.
Muslim couples today are actually serving their marriages on exquisitely decorated social media platters for the evil eye to devour: not just the ceremony, but every single verbal and non-verbal marital exchange, meal, meeting, moment, mood and micro-second!
The Prophet
said:
for your marriage and your spouse fortifies this
protection immensely.http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2016/12/cure-for-black-eye-other-things-unseen.html
from the shaytan immediately.There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.
APPRECIATE YOUR WIFE ALWAYS!
You never know how much effort she exerts just to please you always! You never know how much she thinks of you whenever she is doing something special for you. So once again, appreciate your wife always as possible!.
and cleaning the dishes,cleaning the house then taking kids to bed.
Whom do you think works more, from the story above???The daily
routines of your wives commence fromearly morning to late night.
That is called 'DOESN'T WORK'??!!
Yes, Being Housewives do not need Certificate of Study, even High
Position, but their ROLE/PART is very important!
Appreciate your wives. Because their sacrifices are uncountable.
This should be a reminder and reflection for all of us to understand
and appreciate each others role.
A husband is the soulmate for his wife. He listens patiently when she's upset and holds her when she cries. He sometimes teases her affectionately. He is not just a lover, he is her best friend, someone she trusts unconditionally, someone she loves absolutely. Someone who can instantly put a smile on her face when she's having a bad day. Someone she can pray behind because there is nothing more romantic and more tender and more loving and more endearing than a married couple praying and making dua together. May Allah SWT bless all marriages!
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
Lots of Muslim women worked in the time of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, some even fought with the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in wars like Umm Umara, may Allah be pleased with her, who fought with the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in the battle of Uhud. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was encouraging her during the fight and would tell her : “Who could endure what you endure Umm Umara”
During the time of Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, a lady, Al Shafa bint Abdullah Ibn abd-Shams, was assigned the position of official business transactor/manager of the market of Medina...
He is obliged to provide her with food, clothes, a place to live and medical treatment according to his environment, conditions and income. Muslim scholars said that if a man does not support his wife financially then she has the right for a divorce.
Read https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-1-the-wedding-night
It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences.
12 Rights of a Muslim Wife upon Her Husband
But still Aysha remained as Aysha bint Abu bukker. It is not permitted for anyone to claim to belong to anyone other than his father.
What is Salat ul Istikhara?
Often, we have to make major life-changing decisions: whether to undertake a major project or not, whether to apply for a promotion or not, whether to change career or not, whether to invest in a certain company or not, whether to get married or not, whom to get married to, etc.
How does one pray Salat ul Istikhara?
Salat ul Istikhara: Prayer for consultation
Memorizer for the du’a for Salat ul Istikhara
To summarize, here is how you pray Salat-ul-Istikhara step-by step:
|
How many times can one pray Salat ul Istikhara?
Salat Istikhara and Marriage
Divine GPS: The Inner Dimensions of Salat Istikhara
http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2016/02/muslim-woman-can-become-doctor-or.html
Women Praying at the Mosque?
MUSLIM NIKAH
WOMANS DRESS IN PUBLIC IN ISLAM
How to make love to your wife in islam and Science.
MUSLIM WOMAN 50 FACTS https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2340536502637333&id=421016514589351
NOTE: I REMOVED MANY
PARTS TO MAKE THIS MANUAL SMALL. YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FULL MANUAL FROM ITS WEB
SITE IN PDF. THE CONTENT BELOW GIVES THE IDEA OF THE FULL BOOK.
SUMMERY:
A Husband and wife is
allowed to do everything in islam that is halaal. Three things are haraam in
islam.
1.
Anal sex, 2. Sex during
mense 3. Sex outside marriage.
A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex
Contents:
Acknowledgements Ready
Introduction Who this for? Myth Anatomy Body Image
Genital hygiene Birth control Lube
Kegels Sexting Dirty talk
Flirting with other
men First time
Kissing Handjobs
How to give a blowjob Massage
Stripping Positions
What to say during sex How to be a freak in bed Dressing up
Dry humping Breast sex
Femoral sex Quickie Shower sex Rough sex Forced sex BDSM
Public sex Anal play Threesome Simple things
Ready?
Let me warn you, this is
not for the faint of heart. I’m going to talk about things that you would never
bring up in conversation. I will teach you how to make your husband look at you
with unbridled lust. You will find your husband transformed into a man who can’t keep his hands off
of you and brims with jealousy when other men so much as glance at you.
If you’re unprepared for that, put this book away. If not, let’s begin.
Introduction
Two years ago, I was congratulating a young Muslimah on her
engagement. She had grown up in my community and I had known her since before
she could talk. I had seen her blossom from a waddling toddler into a confident
and
intelligent young woman. She began looking for a husband in her
last year of college, wanting to get married before starting medical school.
After multiple dead-ends, she had finally found a man who met all her criteria
for marriage. Everything about this guy was perfect. He was religious, good
looking, volunteered at the masjid, had a stable job, was known for his
kindness to youngsters at the masjid, and was loved by the elders like he was
their own nephew. It was a perfect match. She was thrilled about starting
married life and you could see the happiness emanating from her as everyone
gave her their best wishes.
A few months later, I ran into her at a dinner party and asked how marriage life was suiting her. She simply said it was “Fine”, but I could tell something was wrong.
After some cajoling, she shamefully admitted the truth. Her sex
life was horrible. In fact, it was fast becoming non-existent. She had been a
model Muslimah her entire life. Before marriage,
she had never so much as held a non-mahram’s hand, let alone become physically intimate
with one. She had eagerly looked forward to marriage as a chance to finally indulge
in all the physical intimacy
she had postponed for the sake of Allah.
But it wasn’t working.
Coming from the medical field, she knew all the relevant
biology. She could draw and label all the parts of male and female anatomy. She
had taken fiqh classes and knew the legal rulings of menstruation and
intercourse.
But she didn’t know sex.
Oh, she knew the mechanics. Insert penis into vagina. Climax. Withdraw. But she didn’t know how to make her husband yearn for her in
bed. She didn’t know what he liked. She didn’t even know what she liked! They had begun
eagerly but after a few weeks,
realized that neither of them was truly enjoying
having sex with each
other.
As I talked more to her, I found out that she had never orgasmed
during sex. Not once in the six months she’d been married. She shyly confessed
to me that she had been masturbating since high school and was afraid that she
had ruined her body doing it. She thought maybe she had
conditioned herself to only enjoy
self-pleasure.
She couldn’t look me in the eyes as she asked if that was the reason why she couldn’t orgasm with
her husband.
And so began my impromptu sex skills workshop. I threw at her all
the information I’d gathered over years of marriage. Things I’d learned from
experience, tidbits I’d gleaned from friends, tips I’d picked up from magazine
articles. One thing here, two things there. All those bits had accumulated into
a very healthy and robust sex life between my husband and I. I gave her
everything, fervently hoping that it would help her in her marital life.
A month later, I saw her again. This time she had a gigantic smile
on her face. “Please, write this down and share it with other Muslim girls. No
one teaches this. We’re thrown into marriage and only know the fiqh and the biology.”
I wrote down everything I told her on a Word document and emailed
it to her. She shared it with her friends who were newly married. They shared
it with their friends. Before long, word trickled back to me that people were
asking me to write a book on the subject.
So here it is.
Perhaps you’re getting married soon and are apprehensive
about sex. Maybe you’ve been married for a few years and your bedroom life has
become dull. Or maybe you’re already in a raunchy, fulfilling sexual
relationship with your husband and are looking for something extra to spice it
up.
This book is for all of
you.
As a necessary disclaimer, this book is only for people
who intend to use the information in the book for their marriage. I free myself
from anyone who uses this book to help them have premarital or extramarital
sex. This book is written by a religious, practicing Muslim for other
religious, practicing Muslims. I do not agree with the liberal mentality that
“sex is just an action” and that consent is the only thing which determines
right or wrong. Right and wrong are determined by the Qur’an and Sunnah and any
action which contravenes Divine scripture is, by definition, wrong. My book is
written to enhance marital joy and pleasure. It is written to make fulfilling
marriages and to increase happiness between a husband and his wife. If you use
it for something other than that,
I leave your punishment
to Allah.
I do not claim to be a scholar and refrain from passing any fatawa
in this book. However, this book is written for
orthodox, practicing Muslims, and so I have purposefully ignored things which
are considered unanimously haram.
You will not find instructions on how to enjoy anal sex or suggestions to watch
pornography with your husband.
The fiqh methodology of this book does not exclusively follow any
specific madhab. Where I deemed necessary, I have inserted scholarly rulings
from scholars I trust. I have not done this for every single issue in order to
avoid making this a fiqh manual. If you are skeptical about the permissibility
of anything in this book, you should consult a scholar you trust.
Before I begin the actual book, here are five of the most common
myths about Muslims and sex. Beat these myths out of your head before
beginning.
Myth 1: A pure Muslim can’t be dirty in bed
I don’t know who started this myth but it is flat out wrong. We have halal and we have
haram.
Any sexual encounters outside of marriage is haram. Everything
inside marriage is halal (other than a tiny number of things which I will
mention in the book). You can be pure as snow and still be very dirty in bed.
What is amusing (in a sad way) is that many younger Muslims think that the
practicing, masjid going, hijab/niqab wearing sisters
have dull sex lives and never venture outside of the vanilla.
Not true! I have a theory that Muslims are actually kinkier than non-Muslims
because we bottle up all that sexual energy and provide only one outlet,
that of marriage. Whatever
the reason though, I can assure you that some of the same Muslim men and women
giving halaqahs and khutbahs and volunteering at the masjid are having very
raunchy sex behind closed doors. Being a pure Muslim doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy sex. It means doing all of that only in marriage
and not advertising your bedroom secrets to everyone. In the privacy of your
bedroom and between you and your spouse, you can enjoy a very, very rollicking
sex life.
The famous Andalusian scholar, Ibn Hazm, wrote this:
But I have observed that many men
err gravely as
to the true meaning of the word "righteousness.” Its correct
interpretation is as follows. The "righteous" woman is one who,
when duly restrained, restrains herself; when temptations are kept out of her
way, she keeps herself under control. The "wicked" woman on the other
hand is one who, when duly restrained, does not restrain herself, and when
barred from all facilities for committing licence, nevertheless herself
contrives by some ruse or other to discover the means of behaving badly. The
"righteous" man is he who has no traffic with adulterers, and does
not expose himself to sights exciting the passions;
who does not raise his eyes
to look upon ravishing shapes and forms. The "wicked" man however is he who consorts with depraved people,
who allows his gaze
to wander freely
and stares avidly at beautiful faces, who seeks out
harmful spectacles and delights in deadly privacies. The "righteous"
man and the "righteous” woman are like a fire that lies hidden within the
ashes, and does not burn any who is within range of it unless it be stirred
into flame.
Having that fire burn within you isn’t a sign that you’re
a bad person.
Lacking that fire isn’t a sign of righteousness. Righteousness is deciding to only stir
that fire into a flame within the
bounds of marriage.
Myth 2: The only
way for a Muslim to learn how to be great in bed is by doing haram
things before marriage
This is another myth that many Muslims have fallen for. A Muslim
girl once told me that she wanted to marry a non-practicing Muslim man or a
convert because he’s likely done zina and thus would be better in bed! This is
completely false and it’s terrible that people think like this! I had zero intimate relations before
marriage. The first time I kissed a man, it was my husband. My husband was the
same. I am the only woman he has ever been physically intimate
with and I have
no complaints about him in the bedroom.
I have non-Muslim friends who were sexually active in college and
still came to me for advice because
they didn’t know how to have fun in bed. There is no correlation between
having sex before marriage and being
great in bed.
Thinking that doing haram is going to make your halal relationship
better is faulty reasoning. The opposite is true. Saving the physical intimacy
of sex for only your husband strengthens your bond. This is a man who has
announced his relationship to you in public, taken responsibility for
shouldering your expenses, and is willing to step up to the plate and be a true
father and husband. That man will
please you in bed. Not a man who added notches to his bedpost in order to brag
to his friends.
Myth 3: Porn is a great educational tool
Statistically, this is a bigger problem for men than women. There’s still a sizeable number of Muslim women who turn to pornography
though. Let me tell you in very simple English: Porn
is a lie. Real sex is not like pornography. Porn is recorded in order to be
entertaining to the viewer.
Positions which look
the best are chosen, not ones which are necessarily the most enojyable. It’s not the same as real sex. Real sex is sweaty. Real
sex has inevitable farts and queefs. Real sex can get smelly. Real sex consists
of men and women with imperfect bodies and a need for foreplay. Real sex comes
with emotions. Porn is acting. Women are sexual objects in porn, a vessel for
male enjoyment. Women fake their moans, they contort their facial expressions,
they pretend to enjoy the most uncomfortable positions.
The man supposedly makes them orgasm every single time with just vaginal
penetration. And talk about unattainable standards! For men and women (but more for women). Even porn stars don’t look like porn stars. Before a shoot, they have
professional makeup artists work on their face. Most have had plastic surgery.
None are overweight. The men are all muscular with gigantic penises.
They ejaculate more loads than is humanly possible.
Don’t get fooled into thinking this is real or that your sex life should resemble a porn video.
Research shows that people who watch porn feel worse about the way they look as well as the way their partner looks. In short, porn
is one of the worst ways to learn about sex.
Myth 4: Women’s magazines and books written by PhDs are excellent sources of
sexual education
Many women stack up on these books before marriage. But guess
what? Getting a PhD is simply a matter of spending time in a lab or library. That’s not sex. You might learn some interesting psychology or physiology, but that’s not
learning sex. You’re making the same mistake the Muslim girl I mentioned did—thinking
that knowing the biology, anatomy, and fiqh of sex means you actually know sex. Those books might make for
interesting reading, but they’re not a sex manual. This book is about how to have sex. The nuts and bolts of
making your husband thirst for you in bed. It is not an academic publication
about the physiology of an orgasm. Knowing how an orgasm occurs in the body is
not going to help you achieve an orgasm yourself.
Put another way, who can best train an athlete for the Olympics? A
scientist who’s studied muscle development for years in a lab? Or a coach who’s
a former athlete and has been involved in the sport for decades?
Myth 5: Religious men lose respect
for wives who are dirty in bed
Men love it when their
wives are dirty in bed. Why would a man not
want his wife to be great in the bedroom? Many Muslim guys worry about the opposite problem—that their wife won’t want to be adventurous in bed. Guys
want their wife to be fun in the bedroom. It doesn’t bother them
at all. What does bother many men is
when they think their wife has done all of this with other guys.
Especially pious Muslim men who’ve
been chaste before marriage, it really messes with their mind when they think
you’ve been unchaste and hid it from them. So if your husband is wondering
where you learned all this, show him this book and tell him exactly where you learned
it! Every man’s dream wife is modest in public and immodest with him in
the bedroom. Make that dream come true!
Another thing to know is
that there is no relation between size
of his testicles and the amount of semen he produces. A teaspoon amount of
semen is about normal for most men. Pornographic actors take supplements to increase the amount they ejaculate for
filming (or, through creative camera
angles, use corn syrup to give the illusion that they are ejaculating). Don’t go expecting buckets of ejaculation from
your husband. That’s a porn fantasy as well.
I’m sure you’re wondering about size. How does your husband stack up against others? Here’s the data: The average length of an erect penis
is between 4.5 and 5.75 inches. I did not make a typo. The mean length of an
erect penis is 5.17 inches with a standard deviation of 0.65 inches. Look it
up. British Journal of Urology did the largest, most systematic review on the
subject in 2015. Didn’t I
tell you before that porn was not educational? Women who watch porn or read
a lot of erotica can end up thinking that the average penis is 7 inches and
that anything less than that is small. Less than 7% of men have a penis 7
inches or longer. The 8 inch penises popular in porn make up less than half of
one percentage of all men. Odds are, your husband’s penis is between 4 and 6 inches. He’s not abnormal, that’s a normal size for a penis.
Another thing about penises is that they can be flaccid or erect. There’s no relation between penis size when flaccid and when erect.
Some men go from a 4 inch penis when flaccid to a 5 inch penis when erect.
Others go from a 1.5 inch penis when flaccid to a 7 inch penis when flaccid. No
relationship at all.
More importantly, most women who are unsatisfied in the bedroom
are not unsatisfied because of their partner’s penis size. Satisfaction in bed isn’t related to his penis size (unless it is extremely
small or extremely large). Whether your husband has a 4 inch penis or a 7 inch penis, he can still satisfy you in bed. Don’t get disheartened if he’s on the smaller size,
he might be a better lover than a
man who’s much better endowed. On the flipside, don’t be surprised if you find
that you’re not satisfied in bed despite having a husband who is well endowed. As you’ll
discover by reading this book, there’s a lot more to enjoying your sex life than your
husband’s penis size.
Body image
If I were to
randomly guess how you feel about your body, I would probably be accurate in
guessing that you’re worried about
it. Maybe you feel
a little bit overweight or maybe you feel a lot
overweight. Maybe you feel like
you’re too flabby or not toned enough. Maybe you’re
ashamed of stretch marks or are worried about
cellulite.
Maybe you have scars on your body that bother you. Many women feel
insecure about their body no matter how they actually look. I can speak forever
on body image and unrealistic beauty standards but this isn’t a book about that! I
know, without even knowing you, that you’re afraid your husband
will not be pleased with your body because you’re flabby/have stretch
marks/have cellulite/acne/something else.
Get that out
of your head!
Feeling
insecure is one of the greatest ways to damage your performance in bed. When
you feel insecure, you’re less likely to let loose and have fun. I can’t undo billions of dollars of advertising and social pressure in one page in order to
make you feel secure about your body. I will say this however:
Men want to have sex. Men enjoy sex. Men enjoy girls who
are dirty in bed. Your husband is a man and therefore, he wants to have sex
with you. Your
husband wants to see you naked, I guarantee it. He chose to marry you.
He knew that he was signing on to have sex with you when he made that choice.
You might have stretch marks and acne and cellulite but guess what? It doesn’t matter. All women do.
The sexiest thing you can do is be confident in
yourself. Take ownership of your body and have fun. Insha’Allah you married for
piety and therefore, you will be the only woman in his life. He has no choice but to enjoy you!
Genital hygiene
Genital hygiene is a crucial part of a healthy sex life. If everything down there is smelly and hairy,
the idea of sex becomes
repulsive. There’s a wisdom
behind pubic hair removal being an obligatory part of Islam. Everything is
nicer in bed when you have no hair down there. There’s less odor, it looks nicer and your husband
is more likely to go down on you!
At this point in your life, you probably have a routine to keep
yourself bald down there. If not, here’s a quick guide to hair removal.
Shaving
In order to do this most effectively, start with a good blade. Buy
a good quality razor and good quality blades to go with it. Don’t be stingy! The cheaper the blade and the longer you go
before changing it, the greater the chance of razor burn or ingrown hairs. Not
fun and not sexy.
Start by letting your skin soak for a while in warm water (i.e.
take a warm shower or bath). Exfoliate your skin by
using a loofah. You don’t have
to go crazy but firmly rub the loofah as you shower to exfoliate the skin. Some
women use shaving cream to help soften the hair and skin before shaving. If you
want to go natural, you can use baby oil instead of shaving cream.
When you start actually shaving, pull the skin tight so you’re
working with a smooth, firm surface. Shave with the grain using as few strokes as possible. Once you’re done
shaving with the grain, go over the same area but against the grain this time.
Once you’re out of the shower, blot yourself dry and apply some antiseptic to
close the pores and kill bacteria. A neat trick I learned is to use odorless
deodorant on your pubic area afterwards to prevent razor burn or ingrown hairs.
There are also various products you can buy to prevent razor burns or ingrown hair.
Every woman is different so do what works best for you!
Other options are to do home waxing, sugaring, or use an epilator.
What is not an option, however, is to
go to a salon and get a bikini wax. Exposing your awrah is not allowed without
a medical necessity and this does not fall under that category.
Smell
People sweat. That’s just a reality. It just so happens that in between your legs is a
place where sweat likes to gather. This can sometimes leads to an unpleasant odor. There’s no way to completely eliminate the smell but you can
take steps to minimize it. Most obviously, you should be taking a shower every
day. General body hygiene goes a long way in taking care of odors. After that, you can combat smell by using scents.
After you shower in the morning, take an itr stick and lightly dab a drop where
your legs join your torso. Use itr not perfume. The oil base of the itr make it
stay there and the heat from your legs will gradually release the smell. You’ll
still smell good down there hours later.
For men
Genital hygiene goes both ways. You won’t enjoy sex as much if your husband does not keep
himself groomed and smell free down there as well. Push him to keep himself
shaved and clean.
Birth Control
This wouldn’t be a complete sex manual without addressing birth control. Of course, no
method is 100% effective (other than abstinence!) but there is a wide
difference in how effective the different methods are.
Pulling out (coitus interruptus)
The easiest (and least effective) contraceptive method is pulling out. It’s exactly what it sounds like. You have normal sex but your husband
pulls out before ejaculating. It works about 75% of the time, meaning you’ve
still got a good chance of getting pregnant. If you want a surefire way of
avoiding pregnancy, this is not it.
Condom
The method that’s most commonly thought of when thinking about birth control is the
male condom. In addition to birth
control, it’s a barrier
contraceptive so it helps prevent STD transmission (insha’Allah something you’ll
never have to worry about). The best condoms are effective a little over 80% of the time. That’s probably
a lot lower than you were expecting!
The reason condoms are so common in our society is not because they’re extremely effective for birth control but instead because they’re very effective
in blocking STD transmission. This is a huge problem among non-Muslims who have
multiple partners (and their partners have multiple partners) so condoms are
strongly emphasized. This is less of a concern
for a couple with bilateral monogamy and so condoms are probably not
the best choice for birth control if you really want to avoid pregnancy.
How to put a condom on is simple but for those who are completely
bewildered, here it is:
Take it out of the package and make sure it’s the right way around. Squeeze the end with your
index finger and thumb and place it on the tip of his erect penis. Keeping the
tip of the condom squeezes, unroll it down the length of his penis. Make sure there’s some slack at the place you squeezed so that his cum has a place to
go.
Pill
The most common type of pill is a combination of estrogen and
progestin. These make your mucus thicker to stop sperm from entering your
uterus and also stop ovulation so that your eggs don’t leave your ovaries. These are effective 90% of
the time for most women. They can also have some side effects like spotting,
breast tenderness,headaches, depression, and decreased libido.
Hormonal birth control
These work similar to the pill but aren’t taken orally.
You can get an implant (Implanon or Nexplanon) and it’ll last for 3 years. It works 99.5% of the time.
You can also get “the shot”, i.e.
Depo-Provera. You have to go get it every three months. It works about
95% of the time but some people experience weight gain with it.
There’s also a patch and a vaginal ring that work in a similar manner.
IUD
These seem to be the most popular. Your doctor inserts it into your vagina and it’s good for at least
5 years. It is 99.8% effective! A lot of women find that it helps decrease
period cramps (or eliminates periods altogether).
Sterilization
This isn’t really an option for Muslim women but a tubal ligation will surgically alter your reproductive system so that you can’t conceive. Permanent
contraception is haram in Islam so this is only an option if a doctor says that
childbirth will literally cause you to die.
Lube
Lube is short for lubricant. Lube is something you use to reduce
friction. Basically, it makes it easier for you and your husband’s skin to
slide against each other to make sex more enjoyable. Different women secrete
different amounts of fluids when they’re aroused. For some women, even mild arousal can result in enough
natural lubrication that they don’t need any outside lube. For others, even when they’re extremely aroused, their body doesn’t secrete a lot of natural lube. If you’re in the latter category, it’s always a good idea to have a bottle of lube stored near
the bed for when you have sex.
There are four types of lubes. Water based, silicone based,
hybrid, and oil.
Water based lubes are the most common. Since they’re water-based, they’re easy to clean, won’t stain clothing or sheets, and can be used
with condoms without causing them to tear. They can also be used with sex toys.
Silicone is probably the second most common lube. It has a really
unique feeling, almost silk- like. It lasts longer than water based lube so you
don’t have to reapply as often. You can also use silicone with condoms without a problem but
they do break down silicone sex toys. In addition to the silky smooth feeling
of silicone lubricant, it comes in handy during shower sex. It won’t wash away like
water lubricant so if you’re
having shower sex, use it!
Hybrid lubes are kind of in between a water and silicone lube.
They feel like water but last as long as silicone and wont’ wash off in the shower. If you’re planning on using just one lube,
start out with this one.
Oil based lube have a number of drawbacks. They break down latex condoms. They’re hard to clean
up. But, they feel amazing. And for
some guys, there’re few things hotter than seeing their wife with a naked shiny body. If you’re using oil-
based lube, don’t use it for penetrative sex. Use it when giving a sexy massage,
a handjob, or breast
sex.
Some companies even sell flavored lube. This can make oral sex easier if you or your husband are bothered by the natural smell
down there even despite good
hygiene.
Before going out and buying an entire bottle of lube that you
might not use, start out with a travel sized option. These are usually good for
one or two uses and will give you a feel for each
one. After trying them, you’ll be able to decide which one works best for you.
When having sex, feel free to reapply lube as needed. Lube
evaporates so even if you’re wet and slippery when you begin, you might feel a
little bit dry later on. Just take some lube and rub it over his penis or condom
to get things sliding smoothly again.
Final thing to keep in mind is that a lot of lubricants are
sperm-unfriendly. If you’re just have sex for fun, this doesn’t matter. If you’re trying
to get pregnant, look for a lube that says TTC (trying to conceive) on it.
These are formulated to not change pH so that the sperm doesn’t die because of the environment.
Kegels are a pelvic floor exercise that every woman should do
(actually, every man should do them too). Doing these exercises regularly will
help you in so many ways. Most doctors recommend it to help with urinary
incontinence
after pregnancy but it has so many more benefits. It will increase
the strength of your orgasm, increase vaginal tightness, and give you the
ability to tightly squeeze your husband when he’s inside of you.
Think about what muscles you use to hold your urine in when you
have to go. Flex those muscles. If you can’t figure out which muscles those are, do this. The next time you go
the bathroom, you’re your urine midstream. You might not be successful at
actually stopping the stream but at least you’ll know which muscles you need to use. Those are the muscles
you’ll be exercising with Kegels. As an aside, don’t make it a habit to stop urinating midstream though.
That increases the risk of a
bladder infection.
Once you’ve figured out which muscles to use, tighten them and
hold for five seconds. Then relax for five seconds. Do this four or five times.
It’s important to keep them relaxed for an equal amount of time! The relaxing is as much a
part of the exercise as contracting. Work up to keeping them contracted for 10
seconds and relaxing for 10 seconds.
For best results, focus on isolating and tightening just those
muscles. When you start,you might find yourself relying on your butt muscles or abdomen muscles.
As you strengthen your pelvic muscles,
you’ll be able to isolate
it to just contracting them
and nothing else.
Do at least 3 sets of 10 repetitions a day. You can do it more if
you’d like.
My Ob/Gyn recommended doing it every single time I’m at a
stoplight. There are kegel weights that you can use if you so desire but simply
doing the contraction and relaxation without inserting anything will still get
you good results.
Sexting
Sexting is a touchy subject. Texting your husband is naturally
going to have some sexual overtones at times. Talking dirty to him over text at
times is fine (and in this book, I’ll teach you how to do it).
The problem comes in when you send explicit nude/ semi nude pictures
to each other. NEVER SEND NUDE OR SEMI NUDE
PICTURES TO EACH OTHER. AVOID IT AT ALL COST. I know many young
couples exchange nudes but I would strongly warn you from this. I’m not saying
this as someone who’s afraid
or unaware of technology.
In fact, the opposite. There are
actual dedicated
websites on the internet which post pictures of Muslim women in
varying states of undress.
Men go onto these websites and arouse themselves by looking at a
woman going from full hijab to wearing nothing.
The sad reality is that you simply don’t know where
your pictures can end up. Divorces happen and angry ex-husbands can be
vindictive. Even if your husband is the most honorable man in the world, phones
can get lost, misplaced, or even borrowed. It takes just a few minutes to
transfer an entire digital library of images to a computer. Once your photos
are on someone else’s computer, they can be disseminated all over the world in
a matter of minutes. As many Hollywood celebrities found to their horror last
year, many phones back up their photos to a cloud. That cloud can (and has
been) hacked, resulting in thousands of images being leaked over the internet.
I personally know a hijabi sister, very active in her community,
who made the mistake of sending such photos to her husband. After her divorce,
they were leaked over the internet along with her name. He denies having
anything to do with it but the fact remains that whenever a person Googles her
name, nude images of her show up in Google. Even after spending money and
hiring someone to contact websites to remove her photos, an occasional one will
still resurface under her name.
It’s really not worth the risk.
With all that said, I’m realistic. I know most couples will still at least occasionally send each
other nude images. If you’re going to do it despite my advice to the contrary,
make sure to take these precautions:
Don’t include your face in such pictures. In the event of
those photos finding their way onto the internet, not including your face
allows the images to be kept separate from your identity.
Never, never, never keep
nude images stored in any format. The day your little
kid swipes through your phone’s photos to find an ‘Eid picture and stumbles
upon photos of you naked is a day that will permanently scar both of you.
Dirty talk
This is not for everyone but some people get really turned on by talking dirty. On the other hand, some people
get really turned off by it. This is
where communication comes into play. Talk to your husband beforehand. I firmly
believe that in a happy sexual relationship, the other person should indulge
the predilections of their spouse even if they’re not turned on by it, so hopefully if you’re into it and your husband
is not, he’ll at least give it a try. One last thing.
Dirty talk does not HAVE to involve profanity. It can, and the
profanity turns a lot of people on, but if you and your husband don’t feel comfortable with It, you can still dirty
talk without profanity.
First and foremost, keep context in mind! Dirty talk is when
you’re feeling lusty. It is not something
to introduce when you two are in a cuddly, romantic move. If your husband
kisses you on the forehead, look you in the eyes, and
then says “I love you”, do NOT respond with “I love you too. Now
drill my pussy with your rock hard dick.” Just no. Talk dirty when you and your
husband are in a carefree mood, having fun, maybe flirting. not when he’s
telling you that you’re the love of his life.
Another thing to keep in mind about context is how your voice sounds.
If you’re out in a parking
taking a nighttime stroll, it would make sense to take a breathy voice and
whisper into this ear “I can’t wait for you to fuck me when we get home”. Saying that same
thing in a high-pitched squealy voice won’t have the desired effect. On the flipside, if you two are already in
bed together, it would make
sense to squeal
“Fuck me harder baby”. Using
a sultry whisper voice here doesn’t make sense.
Point here being: dirty talk is not just knowing the words but
also the context. Know when to use it and what tone to use.
Another thing about dirty talk: communication is also non-verbal! In addition to your tone
and context, use the rest of your feminine
wiles. Sure, you can whisper
to him “Baby I want you inside of me” and get a rise out of him. OR, you can
lean in, place a hand on his chest, breath your
hot breath on his ear and say in a soft tone “Baby.. ..I...
want... .you... inside... .of me.”
Ok, so you’ve decided you want to at least try some dirty talk.
What exactly do you say? Well, if you’re not having sex at the moment, you tell
him what you want to do with him. If you are having sex at the moment, you tell
him what you’re liking about it. It’s really that simple.
Here are a few examples to use.
If you ’re really
shy, you can start out with a simple
text. Here are some tame starters:
“Looking forward to you coming home today. I have a feeling we’re
going to have some fun!”
“When you get home, don’t be surprised if I’m not wearing clothes”
“I can’t focus at work! I keep thinking about your body
and what I want to do with it”
“What do you want me to wear
tonight?”
Things to say when you ’re outside
home and you want to build
up the sexual tension
“I wish I was home so I could do
the dirty things
to you that I
want to”
“I want to rip your clothes off right now.”
“You know, if we were at home, I’d probably have your dick inside my mouth
right now”
“You look so sexy in that shirt”
“Walk in front of me so I can check out your butt”
When you get started talking
dirty for real,
here are few beginning sentences:
“Mmm, baby, that feels soooo good.” “I am SO wet right now”
“I could spend
all day between
your legs” “I’m getting close”
“Is that a bulge I’m seeing in
your pants?”
Kick it up a notch:
“I love riding you like this”
“I love sucking your dick so much”
“You have such a hot ass”
“It’s so hot when you pin me down like this”
(If you ’re being dominant)
“Get down on your knees and service my pussy”
“You cock belongs to me”
“Shut your mouth and get naked. I’m gonna have my way with you and you can’t do anything to stop me”
(If you’re being submissive)
“I’ve been a bad girl
who needs spanking” “Pull my hair and Make me your bitch”
“I want you to handcuff me and fuck me any way you want
“Fuck me like I’m your personal
slut”
Flirting with other men A BIG NO.
This should be a no-brainer, but women who get their marital
advice from pop-magazines and pseudo-psychology sources may have heard the popular
refrain that “flirting with others is actually
healthy for a relationship”. No, no, no! If
your husband has even a shred of gheerah, this is only going to distance him
from you and possibly even lead to divorce.
Never, ever play get-even games by flirting or letting men give
you attention. You’ll find this tip in superficial girlie magazines. It might
even work for some women in the short term, getting their husband to pay
attention to them out of jealousy. In the long term, it breaks down the
relationship. If the only way you can hold a relationship together is by
manipulating your husband with these tricks, you need to see a marriage
counselor to determine whether the marriage is worth staying in.
First time
Many of you will be reading this right before marriage. Those of you aren’t, feel free to skip to the next section.
The mixture of emotions you’re feeling right now is unique.
Nervous, excited, worries, anxious, scared, eager,
afraid. All tied together as one!
Some couples start with sex on their wedding night. Others delay it. There’s really no right or wrong when it comes to this. If you feel
comfortable enough with your husband, you might decide to dive in headfirst.
Many women, however, find it better to delay it until they’re comfortable
with their husband. Personally, I would recommend not having penis in vagina
intercourse on your first day. It would be better to get comfortable with
kissing, handjobs, getting fingered, and oral sex before moving on to vaginal
penetration. By the time you actually have penetrative sex, you and your
husband will already be very comfortable with each other’s bodies.
Pain
Contrary to popular belief, sex should not be extremely painful,
even when you lose your virginity. Yes, it might not be as comfortable as it
will be later on, but excruciating pain? That shouldn’t happen. If it is too painful the first time,
have him pull out. Perhaps you need more foreplay, perhaps you should add more
more lube, perhaps you’re not mentally ready, or perhaps you have a medical condition. Don’t force yourself into it if the pain is
unbearable.
That pain is telling you that
something is wrong.
Bleeding
Not every woman bleeds her first time. The more relaxed you are,
the more you’ve played around with your husband, and the more lubricant you use, the less the chance of bleeding.
Think about how nervous you are. Your husband is just that nervous
too, maybe more. Remember, one of the best ways to torpedo your relationship is
to make fun of your husband in bed or make him feel insecure (if your husband
does either of these to you purposefully, see a marriage counselor
immediately). The first time (or two or three or five), many guys find
themselves unable to sustain (or even achieve) an erection. This doesn’t mean his body doesn’t find yours attractive! It’s a physiological response to nervousness. Once he gets to the stage
where he can achieve erection, don’t be surprised if the first couple
of times he lasts only for a few seconds. Be encouraging but at the same time, don’t stop once he ejaculates. You can still have fun in bed when he’s not hard! Have him go down on you or finger you if the sex wasn’t enjoyable. This is another reason why I
recommend not starting off with PIV sex. If it
doesn’t go 100% well (which it never does), at least he has some experience in how to
pleasure you properly.
Communication
Tell your husband he needs to be gentle the first time. This seems
like a no-brainer but if his view of sex has been warped by porn, he might
think all sex is fast and rough. There’ll be time for hard and
rough sex later but the first time, slow and gentle is the way to go.
Start with foreplay until you’re wet. Have him insert at least two
fingers inside of you before moving on to his penis. Once you’re relaxed and
comfortable, guide him inside. It should NOT require a lot of force. If you can’t get it in, pull out,
go back to foreplay, and focus on him fingering you. Then try again. If it still won’t go in,
see a doctor.
If he keeps popping out, don’t worry, happens. He’ll learn with time how much he needs to thrust.
If you don’t orgasm through penetration, you’re in the majority. You enjoy kissing your
husband, right? Does that end with orgasm? Probably not (if it does, please
send me tips on what he does so I can tell my husband). Enjoy sex for itself.
Think about orgasms and penetrative sex as different. You can have one without
the other or you can have both. Worrying about orgasmings during sex diminishes
your pleasure. You’ll be focusing on what’s not happening rather than enjoying
what is. Relax, enjoy
the pleasure. We’ll talk about increasing the chance of
orgasm through penetrative sex but enjoy sex with or without orgasm. After he’s
climaxed, guide his hand down your clitoris to bring you to orgasm. Sex is NOT over when he’s satisfied. It’s over when both of you are.
Kissing
I know, I know. You might be rolling your eyes saying to yourself,
“I thought this was a book about sex. Why waste my time talking about simple stuff like kissing?” That’s the wrong way to think! Don’t dismiss the sensuality of a great kiss. Physical intimacy is more than just
penis in vagina. It’s a complete package and often begins with a kiss. The very first intimate
physical act you’ll likely have with your husband is kissing.
Don’t overlook it!
More than just the first intimate
act you’ll have
with your husband,
kissing is actually
one of the most intimate acts
a couple can do. Think about all the senses
which are centered
in your face.
Your sight, your smell, your hearing, your taste. It’s no wonder that couples who divorce often stop kissing long before they stop having sex. Sex can be romantic and intimate but it
can also be simply passionate and lustful. Kissing, however, always conveys
love. In the hookup culture we live in today, many people will have casual sex
with others while refusing to give them a kiss.
There’s a natural tendency to equate kissing with love.
As you read the following tips, realize that a lot of this will
flow naturally between you and your husband. Don’t get too caught up with details. Especially your first time, just go with
the flow. As you and your husband become more familiar with each other, you can
start incorporating some of the techniques I mention.
Before even beginning to talk about how to kiss, I have to make sure to talk about
oral hygiene.
This is a real issue! You don’t want your husband to not kiss you because your breath smells bad!
Same goes with the reverse.
If your husband’s breath isn’t the greatest, find ways to subtly nudge him in the right direction. Schedule
a dentist appointment for him if you need to.
Make sure you’re brushing twice a day. Floss your teeth regularly. Get a
non-alcoholic mouthwash and use it daily as well. If bad breath is still a
problem, see a dentist! Finally, although not
really hygiene, use chap
stick to keep your lips soft. All of this will enhance the
kissing experience.
Start by making eye contact with your husband. Give him a small
smile and a light touch before beginning the actual kiss. Maybe put your hand
on his face or touch his leg. Make him anticipate the kiss.
Begin slowly and gently. You don’t want to rush into the kiss and bump teeth. Start with a
kiss on the lips. Tilt your head to the side so that you don’t bump noses. When your lips meet, slowly squeeze
his lips into yours.
After a while, you can morph this into a French kiss. Do this by
slowly opening your mouth wider until you can put your tongue into his mouth
and touch his tongue. Use your tongue. Tease him with light flicks. Go back and
forth into each other’s mouths. Trace the edge of his lips
with the tip of your tongue. Explore his mouth! Feel his gums and teeth with
your tongue. Make sure to give him opportunity to reciprocate.
Don’t just kiss on the lips. He has other kissable parts too! Work on his neck and collarbone.
Bite, but gently. Nibble his earlobe or neck. Maybe his bottom lip. If you’re
adventurous, give him a
hickey. Kiss his neck with a slightly open mouth. Suck in the skin. This will
leave a mark so be careful where you do it!
Remember, a kiss is more than just your mouth. Use your hands. Don’t leave your hands limp in front
of you or on your lap. Explore your husband’s body. Put your arms around his
neck. Touch his arms. Run your hands down his back or chest. Run your fingers
through his hair and massage his scalp. His body is exclusively yours for the
rest of your marriage! Explore the goods!
Tease him in the middle sometimes. Pull back for a second or two
and look him straight in the eyes. Wait for him to pull you back in. Time then when you need a break for air so it doesn’t break the mood.
Whisper in his ear. “You are so hot.” “I’ve
been waiting all day to kiss you”. Exhale your warm breath onto his ear. This drives men
crazy.
If you want to take some control when kissing, put your hand on
his chin.
You can manipulate his face from side to side and control where
you kiss him.
Mix things up. You don’t have to do all the above
every time. Try one or two, mix things together.
While this is about mouth to mouth kissing, remember, he has an
entire body to explore. The lower back, the butt, and the stomach are sensitive
areas that are fun to kiss (and be kissed at!).
After it’s done, tell him how fun it was! Marriage is
not a time to be stoic. Let him know you enjoyed it. “That was amazing!” “I can’t get enough
of kissing you!”. If he did something that you especially liked, let him know
so he does it more often! Communicate!
Hand jobs
Ok, so moving
up from kissing is the hand job. Like it sounds, this is when you work your
magic
on his penis using your hand. Some couples never try this, figuring it’s a boring
middle- ground between kissing and sex. Don’t be fooled, a good handjob can be incredibly
pleasurable for your husband.
You might be tempted to morph a handjob into oral sex as things heat up. It’s a natural progression
to go from hand on his penis to mouth on his penis. I’m not saying never go from a handjob to oral sex but, don’t always do that.
At least try a few straight handjobs to completion with no oral
involved and see how much pleasure you can elicit
from just a handjob.
The great thing about handjobs is that you don’t need much set up. You don’t need to be in the bedroom (but do need privacy of course!), don’t need a mood, and you don’t even have to worry about any smell from hours of sweating! If
you have lube handy, it can make the handjob feel even better but it’s certainly not a requirement.
In theory, a handjob is simple. Wrap your fingers around his penis
and move your first up and down with slow, measured strokes. But this isn’t a book about simple sex, it’s a book about how to have “mind-blowing” sex. So here are some
tips to move your handjobs from basic to amazing.
Even though a handjob is often seen as foreplay (even though you
absolutely can make it the main act), it gets even hotter when you do some
foreplay for the handjob. Start with
a kiss and while he’s focusing on that, move a hand down towards his pants. With
your husband’s pants on and still zipped, start by rubbing over them.
Instead of starting right over his penis, I’d recommend putting a
hand on a thigh and working inwards. Draw little circles with your
index fingers, spiraling in to his penis. When you get over it,
massage it a little bit and feel his hardening erection. Use your index finger
to scratch over his balls and penis. If you get just the right angle, it’ll drive him crazy.
After a minute or two of this, unzip his pants and tug down. Pull
down his underwear as well. Once you release his penis (hopefully erect by
now!), gently graze it with your fingers. Move from top to bottom. He might
have a few drops of precum at the tip. Don’t waste it! Using one finger,
spread the precum over the tip of his penis.
Grab his penis and begin stroking it up and down. Ask him how firm
he likes it. Some men enjoy a firm grip while others prefer something more gentle. Regardless, you don’t have to be as gentle with his penis as you do with his
testicles. It can take much more pressure than his testicles. Start out slow
and gradually increase your speed. The fast you go, the shorter he will last,
so keep that in mind. Keep your wrists constantly in motion.
Maintain eye contact. It’s easy, especially as you’ve been married longer, to go on
autopilot and give him a handjob while you’re watching TV or reading a book.
While this is fine in moderation, you don’t want it to appear that you’ve got more important things to do and
are only grudgingly giving
him some sexual
pleasure that doesn’t interfere with your own schedule.
While stroking him, there’s a few things you can do
to vary the sensations and increase the pleasure. Don’t try all the different techniques at once.
Introduce one or two each time you give your husband a handjob and see which
ones he enjoys the most. Mix them up to keep things fresh.
Techniques
Instead of using your full hand so your palm is stroking him,
switch to using just your finger tips. The feeling of five or ten little points
of contact instead of one big one will give him a
unique sensation.
Use both hands, one over the other, if his penis is long enough and/or your palms are small enough.
Even if your hands are big or his penis is
shorter, you can still use two hands by making
an “o” with the thumb and index finger of one hand and the palm of the
other. Once he’s completely erect, you can occasionally throw in a twisting
movement as you go up and down.
The glans of his penis is the most sensitive part. If it’s too sensitive for him, only use light touch. If it’s not try this technique to mix things up.
Move your thumb to the tip of his penis instead of wrapping it
around with the rest of your fingers (kind of like holding a computer
joystick). Use the thumb to tease around the head while you stroke up and down
normally.
Other places that are more sensitive are the ridge where the head
meets the shaft (corona) and the ride that runs straight along the underside of
his penis (frenulum).
You can use one palm to completely envelop the top of
his penis while continuing to stroke with
the other.
You can try stroking him just upwards, one hand after the other,
and then just downwards. Switch up your grip and change from a full grasp to
using just a ring formed with your thumb and index finger Experiment and play
around! You don’t have to try all of these during one session!
Don’t forget his balls. Men love it when their balls are paid attention to.
These can be very sensitive
though so be careful.
Try massaging and stroking them. Hold them in your palm and gently roll them
around. Do NOT hit them or squeeze
them—it can be very painful.
Vary your positions. You can give a handjob
side by side, sitting between his legs while he’s lying down, kneeling
between his feet as he sits on a sofa/bed/chair. Hug him from behind and then
grasp his penis underneath from between his legs.
AFTER HAND JOB, Be prepared for ejaculation! Tell him to
tell you when he’s about to cum. Depending on whether you’re dressed or not, either
let him blow into your hands or over your face, neck, breasts, etc. If you don’t want any of that, let
him ejaculate on bed sheet or towel.You can both give hand job to each other at
the same time.
And yes, sometimes (maybe most times), a handjob will only be a
prelude to sex. In that case, have him stop you before he ejaculates so that you save it for the sex. As always, make sure
you’re giving him feedback and communicating during the handjob. “Mmmmm, your
cock feels so warm and nice in my hand”, etc. See the chapter on talking dirty
if you need tips.
Blowjob
This is one of the most important sections of the book. There are
few things which will make your husband lust after you more than the sight of
you on your knees in front of him, giving him oral sex.
Blowjobs are something where your skills can continuously improve.
Even with no experience, your first time giving him a blowjob will be an event
to remember. After that, it can only get better as you get more adept at
various maneuvers. You’ll find that oral sex is very versatile and can be done
in so many positions and so many places.Before you
give a blowjob though, make sure that your husband is shaved down there. Go
back and review the section on genital hygiene. You want your husband to be
clean and (relatively) odor-free down there. Hair does not make oral sex
appealing. The same goes for you if your husband wants to give you the same.
Start your blowjob by kissing him like normal Think about it as a
prelude to the main act.
While you’re kissing him, use one hand to slowly beginning rubbing
his crotch. Once you feel his penis hardening, unbutton and unzip his pants,
pulling them all the way down.
Now that his penis is exposed, get down on your knees. The submissive nature of this position makes it
arousing for a lot of people. During the times
you prefer something less submissive, have him lay down on a bed and then
position yourself between his crotch. It’s still an inherently
submissive act, but this slightly decreases that aspect of it.
Don’t start by
immediately taking his penis into your mouth. Work outwards and come in,
building up the anticipation. Kiss around his crotch and groin. Tickle his
balls with the tips of your fingers. Spend some time coming closer to the
penis, enjoying the sexual tension that builds up as you tease him below.
When you decide to begin, start by gently stroking his penis with
your hand. Again, you’re building up the tension as he anticipates your mouth
meeting his penis. Do this for just 30-45 seconds. Then, lower your mouth and
take his penis in. Keep your lips wrapped around it and move it in and out. The
more saliva you can get, the better it’ll feel for him. Use your tongue to massage his penis while it’s moving in and out. As
you get more comfortable, take more and more of him inside of you with each
stroke.
There’s a good chance you’ll eventually take him so far in that you trigger your gag reflex. Don’t worry, it’s natural.
The most sensitive part of a penis is called the frenulum. This is
right where the head of his penis meets his shaft, on the back portion of his
penis. Gently flick this while sucking him to stimulate it. Some men don’t have a frenulum, depending on the method by which they were
circumcised. It’s not a big deal if it’s not there.
Now, you don’t always have to build up the tension like this. Some days, you may feel
like cutting straight to the chase. Simply undo his pants, take his penis out,
take it in your mouth,
and begin pleasuring him. The key to a spicy sex life is variation. Don’t always do one or the other. Some days, you’ll prefer the slow,
anticipation building blowjob.
Other days, you’ll prefer to go straight to the main
event. Keep it fresh by switching then up.
With the basics out of the way, there are other things you can do
in a blowjob to make it interesting. Don’t use all these techniques at once.
Think about them like spices on food. You add one or two per dish, not all. So
the first time, have a completely plain blowjob, just your mouth and up and
down. Add in one technique next time, then another the time after that.
Techniques
Kiss! It’s not just for the mouth! Yes, kiss his penis.
You can do small quick pecks or long wet sloppy kisses. Not only is it erotic
and arousing to watch for him, it’ll give your jaw a rest from having
him in your mouth.
Make eye contact. Seeing his penis inside your mouth while you’re looking
up at him will really turn on your husband. Don’t be shy, he enjoys seeing you like this, so indulge him.
Talk during the blowjob. You might wonder how you can talk if your
mouth is otherwise occupied. Well, during a blowjob, you don’t have to have his penis in your mouth the entire
time. Make use of your hands intermittently to give your jaw a rest. That’s when you talk to him.
Tell him how much you’re
enjoying giving him a
blowjob. Ask him how he likes the feeling. Talk dirty to him if you’re
comfortable with that.
A small variation
is to apply pressure with just
your lips. Take your husband’s penis into your mouth and make an O shape with your lips.
Press down using just your lips. Then, bob your head up and down,
taking his penis in and out of your mouth.
Do not, do not, do NOT use your teeth on a blowjob. This
is a tip found in many women’s sex magazines and you have to wonder if it’s a revenge plot from an estranged ex-lover. Imagine if your husband was using his teeth when performing oral sex on you. Don’t do it.
Licking. A blowjob isn’t just taking his penis into your mouth. Use your tongue in its
entirety. Treat his penis like a lollipop and use your tongue to lick it from
the base to the very tip.
Spend more time at the head,
working your tongue all around and under it to stimulate his nerves. Your tongue is surprisingly muscular
and you can really work his penis using just your tongue. Spiral your
tongue around the top of his penis. Move it in circles and alternate directions
and speed.
Just like in a handjob (which you can be doing alongside a blowjob), don’t forget about his balls. They’re fun to play with and pleasurable for him. You can lick them, kiss them, or suck on
them.
You can switch to stroking his penis with your hand while you take
his balls into your mouth and then reverse it, fondling his balls with your hand while you take his penis into
your mouth. Just don’t neglect them.
Use your hands! In addition to working his penis with your hands
when you take a break to rest your jaw, use your hands while in the process of giving oral sex. You’re probably going to
have at least a few inches of his penis hanging out of your mouth. Use a hand
on the exposed shaft to give sensation there as well.
Suck him. This requires energy but is very pleasurable. Wrap your
lips around his penis and take the first few inches into your mouth. Suck on it
gently. This will cause your cheeks to grab his penis and make him moan.
When you’re giving oral sex, make sure you tell him to
communicate when he’s about to ejaculate. There’s a difference of opinion, but most scholars say swallowing is haram.^ You can finish by having him cum on your face
(facial), onto your chest (pearl necklace) or just collect it in your hand. If you don’t mind changing the sheets, you can just aim his penis away from you and have him ejaculate on the bed.
Deep throat
Deep throating is not reccomended.Many women simply can’t deep throat or never enjoy it. If that’s you, don’t worry. There’s plenty of
other fun things to do in the bedroom.
Massage
A sensual massage is one of the hottest things you can
do to each other. It can be either be done on its
own, or before or after sex (as foreplay or as post-sex enjoyment). Like a
kiss, massages are a unique way of conveying love, not lust. A good massage
doesn’t have to last long and doesn’t require much preparation.
If you’re doing it on its own or as foreplay, it’s good to set the mood. Have the right ambience
for a sexy massage. Dim the lights, burn some bukhoor, maybe set
some soft music in the background (if you follow the fiqh position that music
is fine). A good trick is to take one of your colored hijabs and drape it over
a lamp shade to give off a colored glow. It can really change the ambience of
the room.
Pick a product to massage into him. Coconut oil is the standard
but there are special warming oils and flavored massage oils (if you want to
use tongue) that you can consider.
A good massage is slow and sensuous. Remember, this involves the
whole body from the top down. Don’t jump straight to his penis!
Start at the very top, at his head. Yes, massage that too! Rub your fingertips in small circles
over his scalp. The feeling of ten individual points of contact going in
all sorts of directions is amazing. Apply as much pressure as you want, there’s no chance of you hurting his scalp with just the pressure of your fingers.
One place which feels very good
to massage is the pressure point right in the
middle of the forehead (the place
where cartoon
cyclops have their third eye). Take both thumbs and apply pressure
there for a minute. It does wonders to relieve the tension. While you’re doing
this, massage the sides of his forehead as well. Keep your thumbs pressed in
the middle of the forehead and use your other fingers to massage his temples.
Then massage his facial bones. Trace the angle of his jaw with
your fingers and apply pressure on his cheekbones and you walk your fingers
over his face.
Move down to his neck and shoulders. The neck is an often
overlooked erogenous zone. Feel for the indentations in his neck and apply
pressure there. Rub the tense muscles on the side of his neck before moving
down to his upper back.
When you get to his shoulders, use your full hands on each
shoulder to push down on his muscles. You can
even use your elbows to apply
more pressure if he enjoys that. Remember,
use lighter pressure on the skin over the bones here and more pressure
on the skin overlaying the muscles between bones.
Work your way downwards, spending about 10- 15 minute on each
section. Take each arm and massage down from the shoulder to the end. Use your
knucles to kneed his palms. Massage his fingers by twisting each of them in a
closed fist.
Massage his butt, pressing in with your thumbs. Get the back of
his thighs, and push in hard. As you move down to his thighs and legs, you’ll find
that they’re more muscular and you have to push in harder. Move outward along his inner
thigh, massaging all the way. If he’s comfortable, try and push in to his
perineum, the area between his scrotum and his anus. Work your way all the way
down, rubbing to his feet, his heels, and his ankles. If he works a job that
requires a lot of standing or walking, this will feel so amazingly good.
Don’t forget the other side of his body!
The clavicle, the chest, the breast bone, the
nipples, all of them also feel good to be massaged!
As you’re massaging
him up and down, vary the
pressure that you’re applying. Pay attention to his responses. A soft moan
means you’re doing great. A harsh intake of breath means you’re going too hard.
Some men like that, though, so if you hear it, ask him if he wants you to apply
less pressure.
Now that you’ve gone top to
bottom, move back up to his penis and testicles. Give him a handjob but make it slow and sensual. Don’t do it with the
goal of making him ejaculate. Use slow, long strokes with the palm of your
hand.
Use lots of oil to keep it
wet. Massage his testicles too but very gently.
Depending on what the mood is, you can finish the
massage by turning up the intensity of the handjob until he ejaculates or just
finishing without any orgasm. A sensual massage is a treat by itself!
Unlike other acts,
this is one where less talking is actually sexier. If you need to say something, use a soft, sultry
voice. A sensual
massage is all about
non verbal communication.
Stripping And walking nude
The best place to strip is your bedroom, provided you have enough
space.
Going from fully covered,
pious Muslimah to ravaging him in bed is part of the turn on in a striptease.
Remember, in a striptease, you
are taking control. This is one where you’re dominant. When he comes home
from work, grab him by the wrist and take him to where you’re going to strip
for him. Push him, —firmly—where he should sit. Give him a soft kiss and then
walk away.
As you walk away, make sure it’s slow and seductive.
Put some movement into your hips as you do so. When you get as far as you
intend to, stop. Look over your shoulder while still facing away, and take the
outermost layer of your top off.
Take a step back towards your husband. Put your hands on either
side of your hips and Bend forward while you’re
doing this so that your butt is front and center for your husband showing him
your vagina and hips. Remember, your husband loves to watch and you are the
only woman he has.
When you’re undoing your bra, again, do it slowly. Face the other
way. Slip each shoulder strap down before undoing the bra from behind. Throw
the bra at him over your shoulder. At this point, all he sees is your bare
back. Then turn around and let him
get a view of your breasts.
A really good move to do to turn him on is to come up to him and
sit down while straddling one of his thighs. Move up and down his thigh. Take
it all the way to his knee and then grind your crotch into his knee.
There’re other ways to spice up
your sex life.
Positions
So, now to the real meat of the book. Sex positions. This is the
best way to vary your sex life. Some couples never move beyond missionary position. If that’s what you two enjoy, that’s perfectly fine! However, not every couple wants
to stay vanilla every time. In the following pages, I’m going to talk about 100
different positions for you and your husband to try. You’ll find that you’re
drawn to
Missionary (IDEAL FOR FIRST NIGHT)
This is the most common sex
position, period. You might find that it’s your go-to position. It works for almost everyone regardless of
fitness level, flexibility, and weight. Don’t worry, you’re not “vanilla” just
because you enjoy
this position (not that there’s anything wrong with being vanilla
if it satisfies you two in the bedroom).
You lay down on your back with your legs open.
Your husband gets on top with his legs between you. He can rest some of his
weight on his elbows to avoid crushing you. On the other hand, you might find
that you like the feeling of him allowing some of his weight to push you down
onto the bed. Experiment to see what is most pleasurable.
To increase pleasure in this position, have him grind on you while
he’s thrusts. Basically, he needs to move his pelvis up and down while
thrusting so that his pubic bone pushes into your clitoris. Don’t think, however, that just because he’s dominant in this position that you
should do nothing. That’s a recipe for the dreaded “limp fish” syndrome. Be vocal, don’t be
shy in letting out any moans of pleasure. Use your arms to
wrap around his neck or head, or even to grab his back so that you can pull
yourself up to cause even deeper penetration.
What to say during sex
Probably the most common complaint men have when they’re not satisfied with sex is “she’s like a limp fish”. A lot of women want to show their husband
they’re enjoying sex but don’t know how to express that.
Interestingly, the key to not being a “limp fish” in bed begins
outside the bedroom. Let him know you’re thinking of him or that you’re looking
forward to the night. This lets him know that he’s not the only one getting
pleasure out of sex.
Once you two are in the bedroom and his clothes start coming off,
run your fingers and hands over his body. If you like something about his
appearance or his smell, compliment him! Men don’t get compliments but love them just as much as we do. When was the last time a
friend complimented you on your outfit or on your hair or on anything? Probably
recently. Ask your husband the last
time a friend complimented him on anything. There’s a good chance he won’t be
able to think of any example. So compliment him, he’ll feel so great!
Give him verbal feedback during sex. If he’s doing
something right tell him how good it makes you feel. You don’t have to be detailed. It could be something as simple as “Right
there” or “keep going” or “more” or “don’t stop”. If he’s doing
something wrong, give him guidance!
Some women are shy about this but it’s very important. If he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong,
how can he improve it?
Ask him how he feels? It
can be something as simple as, “Do you like that?” or “Does that feel nice?”. He’ll give you feedback and you can continue
or adjust accordingly. A grunt or moan is a positive feedback.
How to be a freak in bed
Be open to trying things.
That includes what’s in this book as well as things your husbands suggest that aren’t in here. However, you have to draw the line at
what is haram. If your husband wants you to do something that is clearly haram, don’t give in. If he is pressuring you or manipulating you
into doing those things, it’s very important to consider whether this is a marriage worth staying in. I know two women who were
pressured into anal sex with their husband. They both acquiesced. Not too long
after that, they were divorced, citing the abusive nature of their husband.
Trying new things in bed should be a healthy and mutually enjoyable part of
your relationship.
Enjoy sex
Don’t think of this book
as simply a way to please your husband
in bed. It’s a way to please yourself as well! If you focus only on
doing things your husband wants, you’re going to feel like you’re
faking or simply
providing a service
to him. You want to enjoy sex for yourself too. Your imagination is the key.
Don’t get caught in the false narrative
Don’t leave it up to him to spice things up
Don’t be shy of voicing your preferences. Just like
you’re open to trying new things, your husband should be open to them too. Some
days do what he prefers, other days do what you prefer. Hopefully there’s a large overlap between what you two prefer!
Be confident
Your husband is not doing you a favor by having sex with you. He
wants it just as much as you do (maybe even more). Maybe you think you’re overweight or your boobs aren’t big
enough or your
legs are toned enough. Take a deep breath. Your husband wants you. He married
you and (assuming you married for deen and he’s pious), you’re the only woman
he’s going to be having sex with. Men are just as worried as we are. They worry their penis isn’t long enough or thick enough or they won’t last very long or they’re last too long or they’re not muscular enough. The difference is that men want sex so bad,
they push that aside and move forward. Take that same attitude!
Initiate
This goes back to being confident. Remember how I said
men are just as worried about their bodies as we are, they just want it so bad
that they push it aside? Well, when you don’t initiate, he’ll start wondering what’s wrong with him.
He’ll think you’re not interested or don’t’ find him attractive. He won’t voice it, most guys are too stoic to say it, but it’ll really strain your relationship. You don’t have to initiate every single time but if you can get it to 50/50,
that would be perfect.
Dressing sexy in the bedroom
This section
is about dressing up at home. When you’re outside, you should be
dressed modestly and in a manner that doesn’t draw attention to your
beauty. Inside the home, however, is a different story.
The most important part to dressing sex is to find out what your
husband think is sexy! Not all men
are the same. Some men enjoy seeing their wives in thongs. Others find the
sight of plain white panties to be intensely arousing. If you want to dress sexy for your husband, you need to know what he finds sexy.
At the same time, you should also
find what makes you feel sexy. If it’s the same, great! If not, alternate outfits between what makes you
feel sexy and what your husband thinks is sexy. If a certain outfit makes you feel sexier, it’ll shine through
and translate into more enjoyable sex.
So dressing up isn’t simply a visual treat for your husband,
it can be enjoyable for you as well (both in the dressing up part and for
what happens after the clothes come off).
The trick about dressing sexy is to not reveal too much. He’s seen your body.
He knows what you look like naked. The key to a good sexy outfit
is as much about what you hide as it is about what you reveal. Knee length
boots and a mini skirt will expose only your thighs but can drive him crazy
with desire.
To know what he finds
sexy, ask. Especially early on in the marriage, he might be
hesitant in suggesting what you wear, afraid that he might offend you or make
you feel insecure. So you’ll have to be direct. “What color of lingerie do you
think I look sexy in?”
An easy way to start getting sexy outfits is to pick a weekend to
go shopping. Put it all on him. He gets to pick out anything he wants for you
to wear and you agree to wear it. You might be surprised to find what he thinks
you look sexy in. Pay attention to his responses after you buy these clothes.
Which ones prompt more compliments? Which ones lead to more aggressive (or more
sensual) sex when you wear them?
Keep a variety of sexy outfits for the bedroom. While lingerie can
quickly get very expensive, you can start with something simple that still
arouses him. Buy an inexpensive pair of short shorts and a tight tanktop. You
might find that this is his favorite outfit for you to wear. Or maybe a sports
bra and leggings. Wear low cut dresses or pair a long top with no pants. All
those outfits that women wear to clubs and bars? Well, you get to wear them at
home for your husband!
Lingerie is sexy
and you’ll definitely want to buy some. Like I said though, it can get
expensive and it’s not the only way to dress sexy. Over time, you can gradually build a collection. If you can, try to
buy one outfit a year, maybe for Eid.
Fantasy roleplay goes hand in hand with dressing up. A plaid skirt and button down shirt with a tie to play a schoolgirl or a nurses outfit
or a secretary’s outfit. Your imagination is the key.
Finally, there are specific exotic outfits you can purchase. It
may be too extreme for more vanilla couples but if you or your husband find
dressing up to be arousing, it’s something to consider.
Whether it’s a latex catsuit, corsets, body harness, body stockings, etc, there’s plenty of very exotic sexy clothing you can bring
into the bedroom.
Dry humping
There’s a unique sexual tension to dry humping. The
friction of your clothes against your labia and clitoris is extremely stimulating. It’s also something
that you can do with your husband when you’re on your period.
You can initiate this very easily. When just kissing, just start
rubbing up against your husband and let it go from there. Alternatively, you
can take him completely by surprise and press your body into his when he’s
doing something mundane like watching TV on the couch.
One of the best body parts to dry hump while he’s sitting is his
knee. Straddle his thigh and rub your crotch into his kneecap. Other good body
parts to grind against are his butt and the heel of his hand.
If you’re in bed, the cowgirl position is best. Straddle him and
grind against him until you’re panting.
Touch, touch, touch! It doesn’t matter if you have clothes you, the feeling of a hand on
your body is arousing. Be handsy with him and
have him be handsy with you.
If you’re venturing into BDSM, dry humping works very well with
bondage and you being dominant. Tie him up so he can’t move and then slowly
grind against him. The tease will drive him crazy.
Breast sex
Men love playing with boobs. Can you blame them? Sometimes women
forget how awesome boobs are because they’re always with us 24/7. If you don’t believe how awesome they are, surprise your husband one day by greeting him
topless one day. You’ll see where his eyes are trained.
Playing with boobs is great by
itself. If you want to kick it up a notch though, there’s boob
sex. This
is great for when you’re on your period and still want to have sex. It’s also great for when you’re not on your period. It’s just great.
Start with regular foreplay. This is a time when you want lots and
lots of lube so have it ready. The wetter, the better. If you know you’re not
going to be using condoms, coconut oil makes
an excellent lube for this. In addition to the actual lubrication, shiny
boobs will arouse your husband even more.
Once you two have gotten into the foreplay, rub his penis over
your breasts. Then, cup your hands on either side of your breasts and push it
inwards, trapping his penis in between. Interlace your fingers to trap them
together. You’ve made the equivalent of a vagina for him to thrust in.
Don’t worry if his penis slips out. This happens all the time.
You’ll find it happening less and less frequently as you practice
but it never completely
stops.
There are a number of positions you can use. There are three main
ones. Him on top, you on top, and you on your knees. For him on top, lay down
on your back with your husband straddling
you over your abdomen. If he’s long enough, you might be able to flick your tongue
out to lick him on the upstrokes. For you on top, have him lay on his back and
you lay on your front between his legs. Last position is with him sitting down
on the bed with you on your knees between his legs. Depending on the size of
your breasts, some (or all) of these positions might not be possible. If so, don’t worry, there are other ways to have fun!
Pearl Necklace
This is when your husband ejaculates on or around your neck. Yes it’s messy but for some women, there’s an enjoyment in being sexually marked
(and for men, enjoyment in sexually marking you). Be sure to close your eyes.
If he ejaculates hard, that pearl necklace can turn into a facial and it can
sting if his cum enters into your eye
Femoral sex
This is kind of a “oh duh” thing once you think about it. This is
mostly for when you’re on your period and are still feeling
frisky. You press
your thighs together and your husband puts his penis between your thighs. I’d highly recommend lube if you don’t want your husband’s penis to get sore.
Most couple do a quicky. It releases the sexual tension.
“Quickie sex” refers to sex that lasts a very short amount of time. Think less
than THREE minutes from beginning to end. You both might actually not even
completely take off your clothes during it!
This is not a romantic type of sex session. This is more
of an expression of lust and unbridled sexual tension. Both types of sex are
necessary for a healthy relationship.
As Muslims, the greatest obstacle to a quickie is the fact that you have to know that
you can take a ghusl before the next prayer time ends. This makes it a lot
harder to have an afternoon quickie in your husband’s office behind closed
doors. There are still times you can make it work, however. For example, in the
morning!
After Fajr and before he leaves for work is a great time. If he’s
asleep and ahs morning wood, wake him up with a blowjob. When he’s awake, climb
up and ride him.
Shower sex
It’s Sunnah so you have to at least try it.
If you wear makeup, remove it before getting in the shower. You don’t want mascara streaming down
your face while trying to look seductive!
The best part about shower sex isn’t the actual sex, it’s the intimacy and foreplay. The water isn’t just a backdrop! Have your husband wash you and vice versa. Lather up and clean
every inch of his body. Alternate between using your palms and using a loofah.
Feel every nook and cranny of his body. Alternate who’s under the water! This
is intimate in and of itself.
Sometimes, all you want after a hard day is showering together, no
actual sex in the shower. Make sure to use a silicone or hybrid lube because
the water is going to rinse away all the natural lubrication.
If you do have sex, before you let him enter you, make sure you
rinse all the soap off of both of you. You don’t want the soap coming into your vagina and causing an infection!
Shower sex is fun but it can be dangerous. This isn’t the time to try contorted positions. You want to be firmly grounded when you
actually have sex. You can be pushed against the wall (or pushing him against
the wall), bent over and holding on to something, or sit on the floor. If you
two really enjoy in, consider investing in a suction cup handle to give help
support yourself in the shower.
Because the shower
really cleans everything up, this is a great time to give or receive
oral sex by you from your
husband.
What if you want to be dominant?
Take the lead. Grab him by the hand and lead him to your bed. Or,
push him onto the bed and start unbuttoning his shirt. Even the most rough and
masculine guys will be turned on by their wife taking the lead. Try and be
assertive. Be the one who turns foreplay into sex. Push him onto his back,
straddle him, and take control. If you’ve never done it before, you’ll be
astonished by how much it turns him on.
Things you can do to rough sex up:
Grab his hair. To pull hair correctly, push your nails up the back
of your husband’s neck and into his scalp. Grab his hair from his roots. This
is very important and makes a distinction between pleasure and too much pain.
Grab the roots, not anywhere else. Your nails should be grazing into his scalp
while you do this.
Scratching and biting. Digging your nails into your partner’s back and holding them tightly lets them know how turned on you are. Don’t worry, your
husband can take the pain.
Being immobilized is also a great feeling. Have your husband pin
your arms down and not let be able to move as he has sex with you. Turn it the
other way at times and attempt to immobilize him as you have sex with him. This might require some suspension of
disbelief since he probably is able
to move even if you pin him down. But the fantasy is part of the fun!
Make sure to have lube handy so that you don’t have any vaginal bleeding due to
microtears from him thrusting too hard.
Maybe you want your husband to be rougher and he’s not getting the
hint. Communication is key here. Tell him what you like, “I get so wet when you
grab my hair in bed.” Or “I orgasm so hard when you throw me down and take
control”
Rough sex goes together with dirty talk. Some women really find it
arousing to have a specific term they use to refer to their husband when having
rough sex. Some go with “Sir” others with “daddy” or others with something they’ve come up with. Find something that turns you
on and use it. Some women find it arousing to be objectified by name when
having rough sex. For example, being called a whore or a slut or a bitch.
Finding that you’re aroused by these when having sex does not mean that you have some hidden inferiority complex or you’re
less of a feminist. Being called names like this when enacting a fantasy with
your husband who loves and respects you does not mean you think these words are
appropriate to be used by men towards
other women.
Public sex
Public sex is a common fantasy. Unfortunately, this is going to be
next to impossible to do. The one time you can do it is if you can rent a private property. If you can rent a farm
in a rural location that has wide acreage
or a private island, you
might have a chance. If you can snag one of these, having sex under the open
air is breathtaking and an unforgettable experience.
Anal play
Having anal sex is haram. Extremely haram.
Whether this applies only to anal sex or even to things like
sticking fingers there. I would recommend playing it safe and not inserting
anything into the anus. There are simply too many things which
are perfectly halal to risk doing something so strongly condemned.
Threesomes
THIS IS AGAIN HARAAM IN ISLAM. I wouldn’t even have included this except when looking at online forums, I found several
Muslims asking this. It should come as no surprise to you that no, you can’t have a threesome.
Even if you are in a polygamous marriage and your
husband has a co-wive, he can’t have sex with both of you at once. You still have awrahs in front of each other.
The simple things
This book is a sex manual but it wouldn’t be complete
by not reminding you pleasure and
intimacy is more than just what we’ve talked about so far. There
is real pleasure in just looking at your husband, smiling at his antics, or
just holding him close to you, enveloped in his arms.
May you have a blessed
and peaceful marriage. Ameen.
50 Facts About Your Wife.
Source of the
article :MUSLIM WOMAN https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2340536502637333&id=421016514589351
May Allah SWT bless
our wives, mothers, sisters & daughters. Ameen
1- Your wife is not
perfect, forgive her.
2- Your wife is the
bone of your bone, do not break her.
3- Your wife is a
gift, appreciate her.
4- Your wife is a
rare gem, guide her jealously.
5- Your wife is
your best friend, be friendly with her.
6- Your wife is
your joy, nourish her.
7- Your wife is to
be cherish, be cheerful to her.
8- Your wife is
your portion, cherish her.
9- Your wife is not
a devil, don’t dump her.
10- Your wife is
not only good for sex, carry her along in every issue.
11- Your wife is
not your enemy, encourage her.
12- Your wife is
not a family material, never commit her unto the hand of your family members.
13- Your wife is
not your rival, don’t compete with her.
14- Your wife is a
female gender, honor her.
15- Your wife is
not common, don’t compare her.
16- Your wife is
not a wash hand base, stop abusing her.
17- Your wife is a
weaker vessel, handle her with care.
18- Your wife is a
beautiful queen, celebrate her.
19- Your wife is
not a fighter, don’t fight her.
20- Your wife is
not a punching bag, don’t beat her.
21- Your wife is
not a game, don’t play her.
22- Your wife need
foreplay, don’t rape her.
23- Your wife is a
hook, get hook to her.
24- Your wife is
all you love, praise her.
25- Your wife is
important, honor her.
26- Your wife is
what you make her to be, accept her.
27- Your wife is
your joy, pursue her.
28- Your wife needs
your honor, never embarrass her in the public.
29- Your wife is
not a knife, be nice to her.
30- Your wife is a
distinct personality, never compare her to any work.
31- Your wife is
loyal, don’t be suspicious of her.
32- Your wife is
not a fool, listen to her advice.
33- Your wife is
not malicious, do not keep malice with her.
34- Your wife is
the best friend you can have, befriend her.
35- Your wife is
not a napkin, do not misuse her.
36- Your wife is
not your house girl, support her in the kitchen.
37- Your wife is
passionate, do not by- pass her.
38- Your wife is
very important to you, do not abandon her.
39- Your wife is a
queen, do not quarrel with her.
40- Your wife is
not the only owner of the sit, help her to baby sit.
41- Your wife is
reasonable, do not under- rate her.
42- Your wife is
your responsibility, provide for her.
43- Your wife is
yourself, do not separate her bed.
44- Your wife is
number one in your life, priorities her
45- Your wife is
your treasure, jealously guide her.
46- Your wife need
your help, help her.
47- Your wife need your
full attention, do not give it to T.V set.
48- Your wife is
valuable, add more value to her.
49- Your wife is
your crown, do not abandon her.
50- You will
account to Allah SWT about your wife, handle her with care. She may be or seem
fragile, but is strong.
May Allah SWT bless
our wives, mothers, sisters & daughters. Ameen
SOME MARRIAGE TIPS:
TIP ONE : DAILY TALK WITH EACH OTHER ATLEAST FOR 10-15 MINUTES. It
is VERY IMPORTANT TO BE ALONE TOGETHER AWAY FROM ALL OTHERS INCLUDING
CHILDREN.YOU CAN TAKE TEA TOGETHER WHILE TALKING .
TIP TWO: LOOK AT HIS/HER PLUS POINTS. WE ALL HAVE NEGATIVE POINTS. DONT
TALK ABOUT NEGATIVE POINTS.
TIP THREE: DONT FIGHT, FIRST COOL OFF. THAN TALK AND TRY TO SOLVE THE
PROBLEM. THERE IS NO EGO BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE. SO IF YOU ARE WRONG,
IMMEDIATELY ASK FORGIVENESS.
TIP FOUR: GIVE A HUG TO HER. SHE NEEDS YOUR LOVE AND CARE.
The truth of the matter
is far more women receive erotic or sensual massages than the public is aware
of.
This massage can focus
on certain areas like the breasts, lower abdomen, inner thighs near
his/her private parts.
Logically,
anything that increases blood flow to the pelvis increases sensitivity,
arousal.
First Back
massage:"At first you're on your stomach, so they're just massaging your
back, Lightly
caress your S.O.'s neck, shoulders, arms, back,
and buttocks with your fingertips for at least five minutes.
Second Front
Massage:" Then they turn you over. [My masseur] started massaging my
breasts. My nipples got erect, so that must have sent him a signal. Nipple play is
also important. "Nipple stimulation is processed in the same
region of the brain as touch to the clitoris and penis, so lightly stimulating
the area around the nipple (the areola) on both men and women can be very
stimulating," says Laino. "It will increase blood flow to both the
nipples and to the genital area. And don't forget the abs! This is a hot spot
for both men and women—especially the area between the belly button and
genitals, says Laino. "Massaging this area can make the pelvic floor
muscles contract," she says. That sends blood flow straight to the
genitals, she says.
He started rubbing
me on the pressure points around my hips. Giving his or her inner thighs a rubdown. "The inner thighs, for ladies and gents, are very
sensitive because they're so close to the genitals. He never actually
touched my clitoris or vagina; it was just all around
the area. This
guy was a master of temptation. He would get oh so close, closer... and then
back away.
My legs spread apart
almost involuntarily as I waited for him to start the sexy part.
Ok, now that your S.O. is primed and ready,
onto the good stuff:
For Him
Warm up some massage oil by rubbing it with both hands, then spread it all over
his penis and testicles. Place one hand on the shaft of his
penis, and start stroking it in an up and down motion, says Cadell. Meanwhile,
use the other hand to gently roll his testicles in your palm. Do this in
slow-mo for at least a few minutes.
Next, gently rub his penis with both hands
as if rubbing a stick to make a fire, then gradually segue into a corkscrew motion, where one hand twists
up while the other twists down.
Now concentrate on massaging his penis from top to bottom,
covering the head and sliding your hands down to the base—one after another—in
a fluid motion. "Do this for about 10 strokes and don't be surprised if he
suddenly climaxes because this stroke makes him feel like he's inside a wet
vagina," says Cadell. Me. Ow.
For Her
"On the female genitals, it's best to switch to a water-based lubricant because if oil gets
inside the vagina, it can cause irritation," says Cadell. Make sure to
warm the lube with your hands first before placing them in her vagina. Nearly 50 percent of men and women who
have used lube say that it makes it easier to have an orgasm
Start by focusing on the vulva, which is
the outside visible area of the vagina, says Cadell. Gently rub the lube around
her vaginal lips all the way down to her anus.
Gently part her outer lips with both of
your thumbs, caressing them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Slide
your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they're spread apart, then do the
same with her inner lips. "The inner lips are more sensitive, so use less
pressure," says Cadell. "Watch for her body language and for the
swelling of her vaginal lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets
aroused."
Finally, gently slide your thumb and
forefinger up and down the sides of the clitoris for about 10 strokes. Massage
the head of the clitoris in circular motions using your forefinger and thumb.
"You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited, and with the clitoris
containing about 8,000 nerve fibers, don't be surprised if she has a body-melting,
earth-shattering orgasm," says Cadell. Game. Set. Match.
Source of the article::
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/how-to-give-happy-ending-massage
