ASSAMESE MUSLIM MARRAIGE
NIKAH IN ISLAM
There is no marriage license in the Muslim wedding (though the witnesses need to sign a 'proof of Nikah', which testifies that the marriage has taken place and that the bride has given her full consent). Bride and groom will not be asked to fill in any forms, as this is done by the priest.
Any male Muslim who understands the traditions of Islam may perform the wedding ceremony, although many mosques have dedicated marriage officers. In most cases, however, the Qazi -- an elder of the mosque -- will officiate in the service, as he is the most knowledgeable in the community. No female Muslim may officiate in the service.
The Muslim bride's family too, must not indulge in spending too much for the feast that they will want to hold after the marriage. It is only the duty of the Muslim bridegroom's family to have a feast or Walima, and invite all friends and family members for the feast.A marriage banquet, or Walima, follows the ceremony at the boys house/ place, served to the men and women separately.
After the Walima meal, the couple are seated together for the first time, and can start their married life.
A letter, very informative
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Salam, sister.
Congratulations for your engagement and welcome to the fold of Islam.
Thank you for your trust in our service, and for being so conscious of doing the right thing as a good Muslim. May Allah always guide you to what pleases Him and grant you and your loved ones happiness.
How Islam Views Marriage
Marriage is an act of worship and obedience to Allah, Who commands the husband and wife to respect and love each other, to create a peaceful home, and to help each other in rearing good Muslim children to make a positive difference to the world.
It is also a lawful response to the basic instincts of intimacy within a detailed system of rights and duties. Muslims are instructed on how to channel these desires to live a tranquil, settled life. The Qur'an says what gives the meaning of:
*{And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.}* (Ar-Rum 30:21)
Many verses of the Qur'an discuss marriage, family relations, and domestic etiquette, so I encourage you to do some readings in preparation for your new life.
Engagement: A Promise of Marriage
It is important to clarify that engagement in Islam is just a promise of marriage. It does not entitle fiancés to any special rights over one another, other than publicly declaring serious interest in a life-long commitment to each other under Allah's law.
So Muslim fiancés should be conscious of that fact while dealing with each other during the engagement period, the same rules of decent conduct apply that they would normally follow while dealing with a member of the opposite sex who is a non-mahram. That is, your fiancé is not your lawful husband yet. That could change only after they have been formally declared husband and wife.
So while an engaged couple may freely discuss their values and ethics, plan for their future life together, and choose and prepare a home to live in after they are married, they should also be careful to avoid privacy together and the type of intimacy that is only allowed between married couples in Islam.
After all, an engagement is just a declaration of intention to get married, and only if and when both sides feel absolutely certain of that decision. It should be clear that an engagement like any preliminary contract or letter of understanding can be revoked at any point before the commitment of marriage, without any formal consequences to either side.
Muslims believe that they will never get anything that Allah had not destined for them; nor will they ever lose anything that was meant to be theirs. Therefore, if a man and woman were destined by Allah for each other, there will be plenty of time to express their feelings freely once they are married. If not, then obviously there is no need to create bitter memories and any deeds you would not want to face Allah with.
You say you do not wear hijab, so while you have the right to be happy and look beautiful on this special occasion, you are also expected to do that in a modest and conservative way, taking into consideration that the men around are non-mahram to you. May Allah guide you and support you to please Him as best you can.
Suggestions for the Ceremony
There are no specific rituals to follow when two Muslims are getting engaged, so the celebration details are left to the tradition of each community, as long as they do not contradict Islamic teachings by actions such as drinking alcohol, mixed dancing, offering prohibited foods, invoking other gods for happiness or luck, etc.
Here are some informal suggestions to help you plan. Feel free to improvise as you see fitting within Islamic guidelines:
You may like to invite a friend who has a good voice to recite some verses of the Qur'an at the start of your gathering. The verses could be on the beauty of marriage, and tranquility and affection Allah creates between husbands and wives.
You could also invite the imam of your local mosque or Islamic center to give a short speech on love and marriage guidelines in Islam.
Do not forget to invite your close friends and relatives as well, even if they are non-Muslims. Islam encourages us to be friendly and warm to everyone as long as they are kind and friendly to us. You can encourage them to write their wishes and advice for you in a special book you prepare for this occasion.
You and your fiancé could share with your guests the story of how you met and what made you choose each other for marriage.
It is up to you whether to wear engagement rings. Just make sure that the one for the man is not made of gold, as this is prohibited for men in Islam. You can also prepare a special meal or dessert to share with your guests as you accept their congratulations and good wishes.
Muslims have produced some cultural manifestations that are not essential parts of Islam. You can take them or leave them. It might help you to get to know these manifestations to help you adjust in your new life as a Muslim.
So after being engaged, you and your fiancé could spend useful and enjoyable halal lawful time together by sharing learning and knowledge to prepare for your future life, by reading books, attending courses, or listening to lectures together on the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives, rearing children in Islam, and on how to build a stable, happy relationship that also fulfils your duty to Allah.
You may like to compile a gift 'wish list' of useful educational material for your new life and pass it on to your friends who want to give you presents. They could also give you gift certificates to buy what you need. Many online Muslim product stores offer that service in Europe, the United States, and Canada.
Do Not Ignore Your Parents
A whisper in your ear, sister: It is very important for a Muslim woman to include her parents in her wedding plans, even if they are non-Muslim. Parents enjoy very high esteem in Islam, second only to Allah's, in return for all the pain and hardships they went through to protect and care for their children and give them a good life.
So, even if you anticipate resistance from your parents to the new life you chose for yourself, you are recommended to be patient and to try your best to win them over and to get their blessings for your marriage
Try all you can to get them to attend. It is a good opportunity to soften their hearts when they see how happy and content you are with the good man you chose for a husband.
Try to make them see that Islam did not take you away from them; instead, it has made you an even better daughter, and it has also won them a good son: your fiancé, whose religion commands him to be kind, respectful, and affectionate to your parents and to you.
Even if your parents do not come, do not blame yourself. Your engagement is valid. And you should continue to try to win them over.
I hope this answers your questions. We are praying for you to have a happy and blessed life as a Muslim.
Salam.
http://muslimmarriages.wordpress.com/2007/07/16/a-muslim-engagement-ceremony/
The Question of Compatibility or Kufu
1. The Shar i ‘ah has taken great precautions in ensuring that nikah with an incompatible person or a person of a lower social standing does not take place. In other words, do not perform the nikah of a girl with a man who is not equal to her in status or who is of no match to her.
2. Compatibility or equality is considered in several factors: (1) lineage/family, (2) Islam, (3) piety, (4) wealth, (5) Education,profession or occupation.
In our marriages , we follow normally two things 1) Local Culture , 2) Religion.
We share culture with one and all irrespective of religion.
The wedding customs for the Muslims will also include an engagement ceremony, called the Mangni. In this ceremony, the groom's family provides a dress for the bride, and the Muslim couple exchange rings. The customs of the Muslim culture stresses upon various restrictions when it comes to marriage. Though the Muslim families and supposed to invite all the people they know for the wedding, they must not take extra effort to spend money and bring people from faraway places. They have to spend within their limits, and they should not borrow money to conduct a wedding.
Muslim marriages can be conducted in different ways, depending on the culture in which they are arranged. The following information refers, in the most part, to the Asian world. Here, Muslim marriages are generally arranged by the parents, with the bride and groom themselves having the final say about who they will wed. But now a days, girls have started picking up boy friends as soon as they enter college life and marry him later. This free mixing of a boy and girl is not allowed in islam. But who cares.
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Strictly speaking, Muslim women cannot marry outside their faith. But again who cares. Muslim men can, in principle, marry non-Muslims, as long as they are Christian or Jewish and their children are raised as Muslims. Alternatively, it is possible for a woman to convert to the Muslim faith by performing the Shadada, a simple ceremony in which the convert accepts Allah and Mohammed.
Arrange the Mahar, the gift from husband to wife, which is an important part of the Nikah (wedding ceremony).
After accepting her offer of marriage, the groom must give the bride a Mahar (gift). Usually in the form of money or gold, it is intended as a dowry for her to use as she wishes. This Mahar should not be a very large amount. And the boy must pay it at the earliest. So the Mahar should be such that the boy can easily pay it. But in our culture we see that the parents of the girl feels relaxed if the Mahar is high. There is another custom that the wife frees the husband of the mahar . All these customs negates the basic philosophy of Islam.
The engagement period lasts three months, and if the couple aren't married by the end of this period, the engagement contract needs to be renewed. During this time, the bride can only be in the same room as her intended if her father or brother is present and she is covered
. They must also not meet after their engagement. But what we see in recent times that after engagement the boy and girl gets the certificate of moving around together.
1. Nikah is a great bounty from Allah Ta'ala. The affairs of this world and the hereafter are put in order through marriage. There is a lot of wisdom and many benefits in marriage. A person saves himself from sinning and his heart is put at ease. He does not have any evil intentions and his thoughts do not begin to wander and stray. The greatest virtue is that there are only benefits and only rewards in this. This is because a husband and wife’s sitting together and engaging in a loving conversation, joking with each other, etc. is better than nafl salat.
2. A marriage can be executed by just two words, e.g. a person says the following words in the presence of witnesses: "I give my daughter to you in marriage." The person who is addressed replies: "I accept her in marriage." In so doing, the marriage is valid and both of them are lawful husband and wife. However, if the person has several daughters, the nikah will not be executed by his uttering the words mentioned above. He will have to mention the daughter by name, e.g. he says : "I give my daughter, Qudsiyyah, to you in marriage", and the person replies : "I accept her in marriage."
3. A person says: "Give so-and-so daughter of yours to me in marriage." The father replies: "I give her to you in marriage." In so saying, the nikah will be valid irrespective of whether he says that he accepts or not. (In other words, it is not necessary for the word "accept" to be mentioned).
4. If the daughter is present and the father says: "I give this daughter of mine in marriage to you", and the person replies: "I accept her", the nikah will be valid. It will not be necessary to mention her name.
If the girl is not present, it is necessary to mention her name and the name of her father in such a loud tone that all the witnesses are able to hear. If the people do not know the father and there is a strong possibility that by mentioning his name they will still not know whose nikah is being performed, then it will be necessary to mention the name of the grand-father as well. In other words, such identification is necessary whereby those present immediately know whose nikah is being performed.
5. In order for a nikah to be valid, it is also essential for at least two males or one male and two females to be present, to hear the nikah being performed, and to hear the two words (i.e. the offer and the acceptance) being uttered. Only then will the nikah be valid. If two persons sit together in privacy and one says to the other : "I give my daughter to you in marriage" and the other person replies : "I accept your daughter", the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if the nikah was performed in the presence of one person only, even then the nikah will not be valid.
6. If there are no males present, but only females, the nikah will not be valid even if there are ten females present. Together with two females, one male has to be present.
7. If there are two males but they are not Muslims, the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if both are Muslims but both or one of them is immature, the nikah will not be valid. Similarly, if there is one male and two females but both or one of the females is immature, the nikah will not be valid.
8. It is preferable to perform the nikah in a large gathering such as after the jumu'ah salat in a jumu'ah musjid or in any other large gathering. This is so that the nikah will be well announced and the people will become aware of the nikah. A nikah should not be performed in secret and privacy. However, if due to some reason many persons are unable to attend, then at least two males or one male and two females who hear the nikah being performed in their very presence should be present.
9. If both the man and woman are mature, they can perform their own nikah. All that they have to do is say the following in the presence of two witnesses: One of them must say: "I am making my nikah with you" and the other must say : "I accept." In so doing, the nikah will be valid.
10. If a person does not make his nikah himself, but asks someone to perform his nikah with someone, or, he mentions the name of the person with whom he wishes his nikah to be performed and this person performs this nikah in the presence of two witnesses - the nikah will be valid. Even if this person rejects or denies this later, the nikah will still be intact.
1. Marriage with one's children, grand-children, great grand-children, etc. is not permissible. Nor is marriage with one's parents, grand-parents, maternal grand-parents, etc. permissible.
2. Marriage with one's brothers, uncles and nephews is not permissible. According to the Shari‘ah, a brother is one whose mother and father is the same, or they have one father but two mothers, or one mother but two fathers. They are all brothers. But if the father is different, and the mother is also different; that person will not be a brother. Nikah with him will be valid.
3. Marriage with one's son-in-law is not permissible. This is irrespective of whether the daughter is already living with him or not. In all cases, nikah with him is haram.
4. A girl's father passed away. Her mother married another person. However, before the mother could even live with her new husband, she passed away or he divorced her. In such a case, the girl can marry this step-father of hers. However, if the mother lived with him, it will not be permissible for this girl to marry him.
5. Nikah with one's step-children is not valid. In other words, if a man has several wives, then one of the wives cannot marry the children of the co-wives. This is irrespective of whether she had lived with her husband or not. Nikah with these children is prohibited under all circumstances.
6. It is not permissible for a woman to marry her father-in-law or even the father or grand-father of her father-in-law.
7. As long as a sister is married to her husband, it is not permissible for another sister to marry this brother-in-law of hers. However, if her sister passes away or he divorces her and she completes her iddah, it will be permissible for the other sister to marry her brother-in-law. In the case where the brother-in-law divorces the first sister, it is not permissible for the second sister to marry her brother-in-law until her sister completes her iddah.
8. If two sisters marry one person, the marriage of the sister whose nikah was performed first will be valid while the marriage of the sister whose nikah was performed later will not be valid.
9. A man married a woman. As long as he remains married to her, he cannot marry her maternal and paternal aunts and nieces.
10. If the relationship between two women is such that if we had to regard one of them as a man, their nikah will not be valid, then such two women cannot marry a person at the same time. When one of them passes away or one of them is divorced and completes her iddah, only then will it be permissible for the person to marry the other woman.
11. If a woman and her step-daughter marry a person at the same time, the nikah will be valid.
12. Adoption is not considered in the Shar i ‘ah. By adopting a boy, he does not become one's son. It is therefore permissible to marry one's adopted son.
13. If a man is not one's real uncle but he becomes an uncle through some other distant relationship, marrying him is permissible. Similarly, if a man happens to be one's paternal uncle or nephew through some distant relationship, nikah with him is permissible. Nikah with one's cousins is also valid irrespective of whether they are paternal or maternal cousins.
14. Two women who are not blood sisters but are maternal or paternal cousins are permitted to marry one man at the same time. In the presence of such a cousin, another cousin can also marry the same man. The same rule applies to a very distant maternal or paternal aunt. That is, the niece and this distant maternal or paternal aunt can marry the same man at one time.
15. All the relations, which become haram on account of lineage also become haram on account of breast-feeding. In other words, if a girl is breast-fed by a particular woman, then this girl cannot marry the latter's husband because he will now be regarded as her father. A girl who has been breast-fed by a particular woman cannot marry a boy who has been breast-fed by the same woman. Nor can this girl marry the children of this woman because she is also regarded as a child of this woman. All the maternal and paternal uncles and maternal and paternal nephews who become related due to this breast-feeding also become haram on this girl.
16. If two girls have been breast-fed by one woman, they cannot marry the same man at one time. In other words, whatever has been explained previously, will also apply to relations based on breast-feeding.
17. A man committed adultery with a certain woman. Now it will not be permissible for her mother or her children to marry this man.
18. Due to the passions of youth, a woman touched a man with evil intentions. It will now not be permissible for her mother or her children to marry this man. Similarly, if a man touches a woman with evil intentions, her mother and her children will be haram on him.
19. In the middle of the night, a man decided to awaken his wife. However, he mistakenly touched his daughter or his mother-in-law. Thinking them to be his wife, he touched them with the passions of youth. Now, this man will become haram on his wife forever. There is no way in which she can become permissible for him. It will be necessary for him to divorce his wife.
20. If a boy touches his step-mother with an evil intention, she will become haram on her husband. There is no way in which she can be halal for him. If the step-mother touches her step-son with an evil intention, the same rule will apply.
21. A Muslim woman cannot marry a man who belongs to any other religion. She can only marry a Muslim man.
22. A woman's husband divorced her or he passed away. As long as she does not complete her iddah, she cannot marry anyone else.
23. Once a woman marries a man, she cannot marry another person unless and until she is divorced by this person and also completes her iddah.
24. If a woman is not married and she falls pregnant due to adultery, it will be permissible to marry her. However, it will not be permissible to have intercourse with her until she delivers the child. But if the woman marries the same person who had committed adultery with her, it will be permissible for the person to have intercourse with her.
25. If a person has four wives, he cannot marry a fifth woman. If he happens to divorce one of his four wives, another woman cannot marry him until the one who is divorced completes her iddah.
26. The marriage of a Sunni girl with a Shi'ah man is not permissible according to the majority of the ulama.
The person who has the power or choice of getting a boy or girl married is called a wali.
1. The first wali of a boy or girl is their father. If the father is not present, the grand-father becomes their wali. If he is not present, then the great grand-father. If none of them are present, the blood-brother becomes their wali. If he is not present, then the step-brother, i.e. brothers from one father. Thereafter, the nephew, thereafter the nephew's son; and thereafter, the nephew's grand-son. If none of them are present, the blood uncle becomes their wali. If he is not present, then the step-uncle, i.e. the step-brother of their father. Thereafter, the son of the blood uncle and thereafter his grand-son. Thereafter, the son of the step-uncle and thereafter his grand-son. If none of them are present, the father's uncle becomes their wali; and thereafter his children. If the father's uncle, his children and grand-children are not present; then the grand-father's uncle becomes their wali. Thereafter, his children, grand-children, and great grand-children.
If none of them are present, the mother will be their wali. Thereafter, the paternal grand-mother, then the maternal grand-mother and then the maternal grand-father. Thereafter, the blood-sister and then the step-sister, i.e. sisters from one father. Thereafter, the step-brother and then the step-sister who is from one mother. Thereafter, the paternal aunt, then the maternal uncle, and then the maternal aunt.
2. An immature person cannot become a wali of anyone. A kafir cannot be a wali for any Muslim, nor can a lunatic be a wali for anyone.
3. A mature girl has the choice to marry or not to marry. She can marry whomsoever she wishes - no one can force her to marry a particular person. If she marries a person on her own, the nikah will be valid irrespective of whether the wali is informed or not, and irrespective of whether the wali gives his consent or not. In all cases the nikah will be valid. However, if she does not marry a person who is of the same social standing as her, and instead, marries a person who is of a lower standing than her family, and her wali is not happy about this marriage, then the fatwa in this case is that the nikah will not be valid.
If she marries a person who is in the same social standing as her, but the mahr that she receives is less then what is normally fixed in her paternal grandfather’s family, then although thenikah will be valid, the wali will have the right to annul this marriage. The mahr that is normally fixed in her paternal grandfather’s family is known as mahrul mithl. The wali can go to a Muslim court and have such a marriage annulled. However, it should be borne in mind that this right of annulment is only possessed by all those walis whom we had mentioned before the mother. In other words, from the father onwards till the children of the grand-father's uncle.
4. A wali performed the nikah of a mature girl without asking her or without seeking her consent. The validity of such a nikah will be dependent on her permission and consent. If she grants her permission, the nikah will be valid. If she does not grant her permission or is not happy, the nikah will not be valid. The method of granting permission is mentioned in the nextmas'ala.
5. The wali came and informed a young virgin girl that he intends performing her nikah with a certain person, or that he has already performed her nikah with a certain person. Upon hearing this, she remained silent, began smiling or began to cry. All these responses of her's will be considered to be a permission and a consent. Now, if the wali performs her nikah, it will be valid. If he has already performed it, it will also be valid. It is not a prerequisite for her to give a verbal permission. Those who force a girl in giving a verbal permission are in error.
6. At the time of seeking her permission, the wali did not mention the name of her future husband, nor did she have any prior knowledge of him. In such a case, her silence will not be considered to be a form of consent, nor will it be considered to be a form of granting permission. It is necessary to mention the boy's name or some other form of identification whereby the girl can understand that the wali is referring to a particular person. Similarly, if the wali performed the nikah without mentioning the amount of mahr to her and it was far less than themahrul mithl, the nikah will not be valid without her permission. He will have to seek her permission again.
7. The girl is not a virgin, and instead had married previously and this is her second marriage. When the wali asks her or seeks her permission for this second marriage, her mere silence will not be considered to be a form of granting permission. Instead, she will have to give a verbal reply. If she does not give a verbal reply and remains silent, and despite this, the waliperforms her nikah, then her nikah will be in abeyance. Later, if she gives a verbal permission, the nikah will be valid. If not, it will not be valid.
8. Despite the father being present, the uncle, brother or any other wali sought the permission of a virgin girl. If she remains silent, it will not be considered to be a form of granting permission. Only when she gives a verbal permission will it be considered. However, if the father sent these persons to seek her permission, her silence will be considered to be a form of consent. In short, the wali who is given the first preference in the Shari‘ah and who has the most right to seek permission from the girl - when he asks her or when someone who has been sent by him asks her, then only will her silence be considered to be a form of consent. If the grand-father had the right of asking her, and instead the brother asked her; or if the brother had the right of asking her and instead she was asked by her uncle, then in such a case her silence will not be considered to be a consent.
9. A wali performed the nikah of a girl without asking her and without obtaining her consent. After the nikah, the wali or his messenger came and informed the girl that her nikah with a particular person has been performed. In such a case, if she remains silent, this will be a permission on her part and the nikah will be valid. But if someone else comes and informs her, and this person is a pious, reliable person, or two persons come and inform her, then by her remaining silent the nikah will be valid. But if there is only one person who informs her and he is an unreliable person, then by her remaining silent the nikah will not be valid. Instead, it will be held in abeyance. When she gives a verbal reply or any other form of granting permission is found, then only will the nikah be valid.
10. Upon being informed of her nikah, the girl did not give a verbal reply although it was necessary for her to give a verbal reply. However, when her husband approached her she did not refuse him from engaging in sexual intercourse with her. Even in this case, the nikah will be valid.
11. The same rules apply to a mature boy, i.e. he cannot be forced into a marriage nor can the wali perform his nikah without his permission. If his nikah is performed without his permission, it's validity will be dependent on his permission. If he expresses his consent, his nikah will be valid. If not, it will not be valid. However, it should be borne in mind that the boy's silence is not considered to be a form of granting permission. He will have to give a verbal reply.
12. If a boy or a girl is immature, they do not have their own choice. Their nikah is not valid without a wali. If a boy (or girl) performs his nikah on his own or someone else performs it, it will be dependent on the permission of the wali. If the wali grants permission, the nikah will be valid. If not, it will not be valid. The wali has full rights over such a boy or girl. He can get them married to whoever he wishes and refuse whoever he wishes. Immature girls and immature boys cannot reject such a nikah at that time. This is irrespective of whether the girl is a virgin or had been married previously and had also been sent to her (first) husband's home - the same rule will apply.
13. If the father or grand-father perform the nikah of an immature girl or boy, they do not have the right to reject or repudiate this nikah even after they become mature. This is irrespective of whether the marriage was executed with a person who is of the same social standing or with a person of a lower class, and irrespective of whether the nikah was performed with mahrul mithl or whether it was far less than the mahrul mithl. In all cases the nikah will be valid and they cannot reject or repudiate this nikah.
14. If a wali other than the father or grand-father performed the nikah, and it was performed with a boy of the same social standing and the mahrul mithl was also given, then in such a case the nikah will be valid. However, after reaching the age of maturity, she has the right to endorse this nikah or to go and complain to a Muslim judge and have this marriage annulled.
But if the wali performed her marriage with a person of a lower social standing or accepted a mahr which was far less than the mahrul mithl, the nikah will not be valid from the very outset. Similarly, if the wali performed the nikah of a boy with a mahr which was far more than the mahrul mithl of the girl, the nikah will not be valid from the very outset.
15. A wali other than the father or grand-father had performed the nikah of an immature girl who also had knowledge of this nikah. Thereafter, she became mature and until then her husband hadn't had any sexual intercourse with her. In such a case, the moment she becomes mature, she must mention her discontent with regard to marrying this person. She must clearly state that she is not happy. Alternatively, she could say that she does not wish to continue with this marriage. This could be said in the presence of others or in privacy where she is all alone. But she has to mention it verbally. However, by her merely saying this, the nikah will not be annulled. She will have to go to a Muslim judge, he will annul the marriage, and only then will it be annulled.
Once she becomes mature and allows even a moment to pass in which she does not mention her discontent, she will not have the choice of having her nikah annulled.
But if the girl did not have any knowledge of this nikah and only learnt of it after becoming mature, then the moment she is informed, she will immediately have the right to reject thenikah. If she remains silent for even a moment, she will forfeit this right to reject the nikah.
16. If her husband engaged in sexual intercourse with her, and thereafter she becomes mature, it is not necessary for her to reject the nikah immediately after becoming mature or after being informed. Instead, as long as she does not express her consent and happiness, she will have the choice of rejecting or accepting irrespective of how much time lapses. However, if she clearly states that she is happy about this marriage, or her consent is made apparent in some other way such as being in solitude with her husband like any other normal husband and wife, then she will have no choice and this nikah will become entrenched.
17. The person who is most entitled of being the wali of an immature girl is gone to a foreign country. He is so far away that if the rest of the family had to await his arrival in order to consult him, the girl will lose this opportunity. Furthermore, the person who has come with the proposal is not prepared to wait for so long and it will be difficult for the girl to receive a similar proposal. In such a case, the person who is next in line to become her wali can also perform her nikah. If he performs the nikah without consulting the girl, it will be valid. But if the first wali is not very far away, her nikah should not be performed without consulting him. If it is performed, it will be dependent on his permission. Once he grants his permission, the nikahwill be valid.
18. Similarly, if the second wali performs the nikah of an immature girl despite the most rightful wali being present, it will be dependent on his permission. For example, if the grand-father performs the nikah without consulting the father despite the latter being present, it will be dependent on the father's permission. If the right belonged to the brother but the nikah was performed by the uncle, it will be dependent on the brother's permission.
19. A woman became a lunatic and lost her sanity. She has a mature son and a father as well. If her nikah has to be performed, her wali will be her son because the son is more entitled of being a wali than the father (father of the woman).
1. The Shar i ‘ah has taken great precautions in ensuring that nikah with an incompatible person or a person of a lower social standing does not take place. In other words, do not perform the nikah of a girl with a man who is not equal to her in status or who is of no match to her.
2. Compatibility or equality is considered in several factors: (1) lineage, (2) Islam, (3) piety, (4) wealth, (5) profession or occupation.
Equality in Lineage
1. Equality in lineage is that the Shaykh, Sayyid, Ansari, and ‘Alawi are all equal to each other. In other words, although the status of a Sayyid is more than the others, if the daughter of a Sayyid marries a Shaykh boy; it will not be said that she did not marry someone who is of her family relations. Instead, it will also be regarded as if she has married one of her relatives.
2. In matters of lineage, the lineage of the father is considered and not the mother. If the father is a Sayyid, the son is also a Sayyid; and if the father is a Shaykh, the son is also aShaykh - irrespective of what the mother may be. If a Sayyid marries a woman who is not a Sayyid, their son will be regarded as a Sayyid. This son will be equal in status to all otherSayyids. Although the son whose father and mother are both from a noble family is respected more, according to the Shariah they will all be regarded as relatives or of the same social standing.
3. The Moghuls and Pathans are regarded as one nation and are not of the same class as that of the Sayyids and Shaykhs. If the daughter of a Sayyid or Shaykh gets married with one of them, it will be said that she married someone who is of a lower social standing than her.
Equality in being a Muslim
1. Equality in being a Muslim is only considered among the Moghuls, Pathans, and other non-Arab nations. There is no consideration of this among the Shaykhs, Sayyids, ‘Alawis, andAnsaris. A man who accepts Islam and his father was a kafir cannot be on par or equal to a woman who is a Muslim and her father was also a Muslim. The man who is a Muslim, his father is also a Muslim, but his grandfather was a kafir; cannot be equal to a woman whose grandfather was also a Muslim.
2. A man whose father and grandfather were Muslims, but his great grandfather was a kafir will be regarded as equal to a woman whose several forefathers were Muslims. In short, this equality is only considered till the grandfather. Equality beyond the grandfather, such as the great grandfather and beyond him is not considered.
Equality in Piety
Equality in piety means that a man who does not follow the dictates of the Shar i ‘ah - who is a wicked person, a scoundrel, an alcoholic, a shameless person - will not be considered to be equal to a pious, chaste and religious woman.
Equality in Wealth
Equality in wealth means that a person who is an absolute pauper cannot be compatible to a rich woman. If the man is not an absolute pauper, but is capable of giving that amount ofmahr that is normally given on the first night and is also capable of giving her maintenance, then he will be regarded to be equal to her in status even if he is unable to give the entire amount of mahr. It is not necessary for the man to be in exactly the same financial position as that of the woman. Nor is it necessary for him to be close to that financial position.
Equality in Occupation
1. Equality in occupation is that, e.g. weavers are not regarded as equal to tailors and are accorded a status that is lower than that of tailors. Similarly, barbers, washermen, etc. are not regarded as being equal to tailors, but are regarded as being lower than tailors.
2. A mad, lunatic person cannot be equal to an intelligent, understanding woman.
1. Once a nikah is performed, it will be valid irrespective of whether mention of any mahr was made or not. Despite it being valid, one will have to give the mahr. In fact, if a person makes the condition that he will not give any mahr and that he is marrying the woman without any mahr, he will still have to give the mahr.
2. The minimum mahr is 10 dirhams and there is no limit to the maximum amount of mahr. The woman can stipulate as much as she wishes. However, it is not good to stipulate a very high figure. If a person gives an amount less than 10 dirhams or its equivalent, he will have to give the balance as well because mahr cannot be an amount less than the minimum. If the husband divorces his wife (in this case) even before she can come and live with him, he will have to give half of the minimum.
3. A person stipulated R20, R100, R1000, or any other amount according to his financial position. The woman thereafter came and lived with him. He also had sexual intercourse with this wife of his. Alternately, he did not have intercourse with her, but he and his wife were able to meet in privacy where no one or nothing stopped them or prevented them from engaging in sexual intercourse. In both these cases, it will be wajib on the person to fulfil the full amount of the stipulated mahr. If none of the above transpired between them, and one of them passed away, it will still be wajib to fulfil the entire mahr. Furthermore, if none of the above transpired between them, and the man divorced her, it will be wajib on him to fulfil half the stipulated mahr.
In short, if the husband and wife meet in privacy, as mentioned above or one of them passes away, the entire mahr becomes wajib. And if the husband divorces her prior to them being in privacy and seclusion, it will be wajib to fulfil half the stipulated mahr.
4. If one of them was ill, keeping a fast of Ramadan, in the ihram of hajj, the woman was in her hayd or there was someone who was peeping at them or intruding on their privacy, and they met in private or seclusion in any of the above situations, then this privacy or seclusion of their's is not considered. If they meet each other in any of the above situations or circumstances, the total amount of mahr will not become wajib. If the husband divorces her, it will be her right to receive half the total mahr. However, if the fast was not a fast ofRamadan, instead it was a qada, nadhr, or nafl fast, and this was being kept by one of them, then in such a case if they happened to meet in privacy and seclusion, the wife will have the right of receiving the full amount of the mahr. It will be wajib on the husband to fulfil the full amount.
5. The husband is impotent, however, both of them met in privacy and seclusion. The wife will still receive the full mahr. Similarly, if the husband is a hermaphrodite and they meet in privacy and seclusion and thereafter he divorces her, she will receive the full mahr.
6. The husband and wife met in privacy and seclusion but the wife is so young that she is incapable of sexual intercourse. Alternately, the husband is so young that he is incapable of sexual intercourse. If they meet in privacy and seclusion in such a case, the full mahr will not be wajib.
7. If no mention whatsoever of the mahr was made at the time of the nikah, or the nikah was performed on the condition that the woman will not receive any mahr, and thereafter one of them passed away or they met in privacy - that is regarded as a valid privacy in the Shar i ‘ah - even then the mahr will have to be fulfilled. However, in such a case, the mahrul mithlwill have to be paid.
In the above case, if the husband divorced his wife prior to being in seclusion with her, she will have no right to receive any mahr. Instead, she will only receive a set of clothing. It iswajib on the man to give this to the woman. He will be sinning if he does not do so.
8. When giving this set of clothing, only four items are wajib on the man: a dress, a scarf, a pant, and a sheet, which can cover her body from head to toe. Apart from these items, it is not wajib to give any other clothing.
9. The clothing that the man gives should be according to his financial position. If the man is poor, he should give cotton clothing. If he is of a middle class, he should give silk that is of an inferior quality. If he is very rich, he should give silk clothing that is of a very high quality. However, it should be borne in mind that in all these circumstances the clothing that is given should not be more than half the mahrul mithl in value. At the same time, it should not be less than five dirhams in value.
In other words, it is not wajib on the man to give clothing which is very expensive and which exceeds half the mahrul mithl in value. However, it is permissible for him to give clothing that is more than the stipulated amount provided that he gives it happily and out of his own will.
10. At the time of the nikah no mahr was stipulated. However, after the nikah, the husband and wife agreed upon a specific amount as mahr. In such a case, mahrul mithl will not have to be given. Instead, the amount that they had agreed upon will have to be given. But if the husband divorced his wife prior to their meeting in privacy and seclusion, she will not have any right of receiving any mahr. Instead, she will only receive the clothing that had been mentioned previously.
11. A person stipulated R100, R1000 or any other amount according to his financial position. Thereafter the husband decided to give more than the original amount that was stipulated. This he did voluntarily and out of his own good will. For example, the stipulated mahr was R100, but he decided to give R150. Whatever additional amount he decides to give will now become wajib upon him. If he does not give it, he will be sinning. But if he divorces her prior to meeting in privacy and seclusion, he will have to give half of the original amount that was stipulated. The additional amount that he had decided to give will not be calculated.
Similarly, if the wife happily and willingly reduces the amount of mahr, it will be considered to be reduced. If she absolves him from paying the entire amount, it will be absolved. Now she has no right to claim it.
12. If the husband pressurized her into reducing the mahr or instilled some fear into her so that she reduces the mahr, then by her reducing or forgiving her husband, it will not be considered to be forgiven. It will still be wajib upon him to fulfil the mahr.
13. No cash, gold or silver was stipulated for the mahr. Instead, a small village, a farm or some land was stipulated. This is permissible. The farm, land, etc. that was stipulated will have to be given.
14. A horse, elephant or any other animal was stipulated as mahr. However, a specific horse or a specific elephant was not stipulated. This is also permissible. In such a case an average horse which is not too cheap nor too expensive will have to be given. Alternatively, it's value in cash could be given. However, if an animal was stipulated without specifying the type of animal, this will not be valid. Mahrul mithl will have to be given.
15. A couple got married in an unlawful way and the husband and wife were therefore made to separate. For example, they got married in secret without the presence of two witnesses. Alternately, two witnesses were present but they were deaf and were therefore unable to hear the words that make a nikah valid. Alternatively, a man had divorced his wife or he had passed away. Prior to completing her iddah, the woman married another man. Or some other form of unlawful marriage had taken place and the husband and wife were therefore made to separate. However, in all these cases, the man did not have any sexual intercourse with this woman. In such a case, she will not receive any mahr. In fact, even if they met in privacy and seclusion, she will still not be eligible to receive any mahr. But if sexual intercourse had taken place, she will receive mahrul mithl. However, if at the time of nikah some mahr had been stipulated and this mahr is less than the mahrul mithl, then she will receive the mahr that had been stipulated at the time of the nikah and not the mahrul mithl.
16. A person had sexual intercourse with a woman after mistaking her for his wife. He will have to give her mahrul mithl as well, and this intercourse with her will not be regarded as adultery (zina) nor will there be any sin. In fact, if the woman falls pregnant, the lineage of the child will be in order. It will not be tainted and it is not permissible to label the child as being illegitimate. The moment the man realizes that this is not his wife, he should immediately separate himself from her and it will not be permissible for him to continue with the intercourse. It is also wajib on this woman to observe the iddah. It is not permissible for her to stay with her husband or to engage in sexual intercourse with him. The rules related toiddah will be mentioned in a later chapter - Insha’ Allah.
17. If in a certain place or country, the norm is that the entire mahr must be given on the first night, then the woman has the right to demand the mahr on the first night. If she does not ask for it on the first night, she can ask for it whenever she wishes and it will be wajib on the husband to give it to her. He cannot delay in fulfilling the mahr.
18. The practice in India is that the paying and receiving of mahr is undertaken after divorce or after death. When the woman is divorced, it is only then that she claims her mahr. Alternatively, when the husband dies and leaves behind some wealth, she takes her mahr from this left over wealth of his. If the woman dies, her inheritors claim the mahr. As long as the husband and wife are living together, no one pays the mahr nor does she ask for it. In such a situation, the woman cannot demand the mahr before divorce. However, it is wajib on the man to give an amount that is normally given in that place on the first night. But if all these practices are not found in any place, these rules will not apply.
19. If the husband does not give the amount of mahr that is normally given beforehand, the wife has the right to refuse him to engage in sexual intercourse with her until he pays that amount. If they engaged in intercourse once, she still has the right of refusing him the next time or the following time if he does not pay the mahr. If he wishes to take her to another city or country, she has the right of not going unless her mahr is paid. Similarly, if the mahr is not paid and the woman wishes to travel to another city or country, or wishes to go to her parents home, and there is a mahram who can take her, then the husband does not have the right to stop her. But once he pays the mahr, she does not have the right to do any of these things without her husband's permission. It is not permissible for her to go anywhere without his consent. As for the husband, he can take her wherever he wishes. It is not permissible for her to refuse him.
20. The husband gave some item (or cash, gold, silver, etc.) to his wife with the intention that it is mahr. Whatever he gives will be regarded as part of the mahr. It is not necessary for him to inform his wife at the time of giving it to her that he is giving her mahr.
21. The man gave an item to his wife. She claims that the item was given as a gift and not as mahr while the man claims that he gave it as mahr. In this case, the husband's claim will be considered. However, if the item was such that it is consumed as food or drink, it will not be considered to be mahr and the husband's claim will not be considered.
Source of article :: http://www.darululoom-deoband.com/english/books/nikah.htm