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Friday, March 11, 2016

How to make love to your wife in islam

NOTE FROM COMPILER:

1.   THE INTENTION OF THIS POST IS TO SHARE INFORMATION FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL PEOPLE.PLEASE SHARE IT WITH YOUR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.MAYBE IT WILL HELP SOMEBODY.ITS SADAQA JAARIYAH TO SPREAD KNOWLEDGE THAT HELPS OTHERS..
2.   Openness about sexual matters has been lost over time, and discussions about sex have become taboo. At the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the Sahabah were not too shy to ask about all affairs, including sexual matters, so as to know the teachings of Islam in these matters.
3.   Muslims have deviated from the path shown to them by their religion and their Prophet(PBUH) .On the other hand, all good values that were propagated by Prophet Muhammad (SAW) are adopted and implemented by today’s western world.What science has found today, Its told by our prophet (PBUH) 1400 years ago.
4.   ALL THE SOURCES OF INFORMATION ARE INDICATED SO THAT THE READERS CAN GO TO THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE TO READ HIMSELF/HERSELF .
Abu Hurairah reported, "The Prophet (saws) said, 'The righteous works that continue to benefit a believer after his death (or sadaqa jaariyah) include the knowledge that he taught and spread among others, a righteous son whom he leaves behind, or a copy of the Qur'an that he bequeaths to his inheritors, or a mosque that he builds, or a rest house that he builds for the wayfarers, or a well/pond of water that he digs for the benefit of others, helping a child for his/her education, helping orphan, donating to school/dispensary/hospital, or planting trees. He will continue to receive reward for all these even after his death.'
Related by Ibn Majah. Muslim, and Abu Dawood.



Our wives belong to Allah and not our properties that we own the way we own cars and houses. Our wives are amaana, a trust for us to look after to gain Allah’s pleasure. Any man who doesn’t fulfil this trust doesn’t deserve a wife. 
Haleh Banani
She was a featured expert on Al-Jazeera international, Huda TV, Islamic Open University, Mercy Mission and Bayinnah TV.She does skype therapy sessions with people from around the world saving marriages

APPRECIATE YOUR WIFE ALWAYS!

 You never know how much effort she exerts just to please you always! You never know how much she thinks of you whenever she is doing something special for you. So once again, appreciate your wife always as possible!.
She prepares meals, serving our kids, preparing meals for me
and cleaning the dishes,cleaning the house then taking kids to bed.
Whom do you think works more, from the story above???The daily
routines of your wives commence fromearly morning to late night.
That is called 'DOESN'T WORK'??!!
Yes, Being Housewives do not need Certificate of Study, even High
Position, but their ROLE/PART is very important!
Appreciate your wives. Because their sacrifices are uncountable.
This should be a reminder and reflection for all of us to understand
and appreciate each others role.

 It is a major sin (HARAAM) to deny  sexual pleasure to each other.there are certain times when sex is more recommended:
1. When a women desires it from her husband.49
2. When one is attracted to another woman.
It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Any person that sees a woman and is attracted to her must go to his wife and engage in sexual intercourse with her, because that which the other woman has, the wife also has, and one must not give Satan a way into one’s heart.. 


How to make love to your wife in islam. Read the full article 
1. http://www.mydeenislam.com/how-to-make-love-to-your-wife-in-islam.html
2. http://www.authentictauheed.com/2011/07/112-bedroom-etiquettes-in-islam.html
3.https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-1-the-wedding-night

Sex in Islam

At the time of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), the Sahabah were not too shy to ask about all affairs, including sexual matters, so as to know the teachings of Islam in these matters. As Aisha (ra), the wife of the Prophet testified, "Blessed are the women of the Ansar. Shyness did not stand in their way of seeking knowledge about their religion." (Agreed upon).http://www.zawaj.com/straight_talk.html

There are stories about how Prophet Muhammad would be approached in the mosque by women and men asking open questions about sexuality. In one famous tale, a woman came to see him on her wedding night, to complain her husband was too busy praying and hadn't come near her. The Prophet went to see the husband, admonished him for being too engrossed in religious prayer and instructed him to, erm, pay more attention to his bride.
This openness has been lost over time, and discussions about sex have become taboo. However, things are slowly changing.

When is it Obligatory to have Sex?

It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right. http://www.al-islam.org/islamic-marriage-syed-athar-husain-sh-rizvi/days-and-times-sex
Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife." The companions asked: O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion?" He (saws) said: "Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded."Related by Ahmad and Muslim.

FREQUENCY OF SEX::

Science: sex is important in a relationship and should be made a priority. Try making a plan to make love at least twice a week: once during the week and once on the weekend. Stick to this as best you can .Making love will keep you and your partner close and keep the relationship new and exciting. Without sex, a relationship becomes dull.

DURATION OF SEX::
It may come as a surprise to many people, but the most desirable length for sex is just 10 minutes, a survey of has revealed. Three to seven minutes was acceptable.
Read more: 
Sex for 10 minutes is 'ideal' - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Sex-for-10-minutes-is-ideal/articleshow/6090353.cms#ixzz14ge7klLL

INDIAN DATA ::These data are Indian City / Town specific
1.Indian Sex frequancy : Two times in a week in an average
2.Indian Penis Size: Four Inches in an average
3.Indian sex duration : Three to Five minutes for discharge inside vagina on an average.
Source:The Times Of India News Reports  and other Health Sites
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Marriage-bad-for-your-sex-life/articleshow/7105662.cms

BENEITS OF SEX
Science: Good reason to have regular sex is to maintain the optimum balance of sex hormones in the body.Pls read http://www.speakingtree.in/slideshow/benefits-of-daily-sex/benefits-of-daily-sex


1.      Sex helps your heart: Having sex at least twice a week will heavily reduce your chances of having a heart attack and helps maintain a healthy heart.

2.     Sex relieves stress and tension: This is because the feel good hormones – endorphins and oxytocin – are released during sex.

3.     Sex relieves pain: Studies show that after you orgasm, the hormones released will actually help stop your pain; headaches or any other body pains.

4.     Sex makes you feel and look great: The more sex you have the more hormones like testosterone and estrogen are released into the body and this helps keep your body looking young and fresh. If you want softer skin and shiny hair, then estrogen is your answer.

5.     Sex helps you sleep better : A relaxed sex session, which results in an orgasm, will release the hormone prolactin. This is the hormone that is heavily linked to a good night sleep.

6.     Sex fights disease: People who have frequent sex have a higher level of an antibody called immunoglobulin A (IgA). According to research, these antibodies help combat diseases 


TIME OF HAVING SEX :


Hadith: Such an act may be virtually done after the dawn prayer(FAZR) when both husband and wife are comfortable and relaxed after a full night of sleep. 

Science:: A new study has revealed that a great morning sex life will not only help you feel and look younger — it will also help you live longer.
Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection.

Other studies suggest that the benefits do not end there. A study at Queens University in 
Belfast found that having sex two times a week could halve the risk of heart attack or stroke. 

Also read http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/morning-sex/slide/2

Hadith::Moderate sex, may be two times a week in the beginning of their marital life and then it may be reduced to one as you age.

Science: Without sex, a relationship becomes dull and partners become more like roommates than lovers. It's important to make sex a priority so that both partners feel a connection to one another. By making love at least twice a week, you'll keep the spark a live and help your relationship to become exciting and new again.

Science:: FOREPLAY IS VERY IMPORTANT. GIVE HER A FULL BODY & CLITORAL MASSAGE.Miller & Byers found that men and women desire the same length of foreplay—18 minutes to be exact. 90% woman orgasm by clitoris.  
Place one finger of the other hand on her perineum (the area directly below the opening of her vagina). When you can feel her pre-orgasmic contractions, you’ll know you’re in the right place.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR WIFE BODY MASSAGE http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2016/05/how-to-give-your-wife-body-massage.html

Hadith: Prophet (PBUH) used to foreplay with his wife. http://www.mydeenislam.com/how-to-make-love-to-your-wife-in-islam.html
Prior to engaging in sexual intercourse, it is necessary for the husband to express his affection and love for his wife by touching her, caressing her, kissing her, and sometimes sucking her tongue. Jabir bin ‘Abdullah narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) enjoined upon a man not to engage in sexual intercourse before caressing his wife.http://www.themodernreligion.com/misc/sex/sex_good.htm

Hadith:: Prophet (PBUH) and Hzt Aisah (RA) bathed together. http://www.mydeenislam.com/how-to-make-love-to-your-wife-in-islam.html

Also read

Condoms
It is permissible to use condoms so long as this does not cause any harm and so long as both husband and wife consent to their use
It is permissible to control the timing of births with the intent of distancing the occurrences of pregnancy or to delay it for a specific amount of time. http://www.themodernreligion.com/misc/sex/sex_queries.htm#condoms
Use condom the first time you have sex. Its better to postpone pregnancy by about six months to one year after getting married to prepare your wife to take up responsibility of pregnancy.

IT’S IMPORTANT TO URINATE AFTER SEX

Doctors advice to urinate within 45 minutes after having sex.http://myilifestyle.com/this-is-why-its-important-to-urinate-after-sex/
MAN SHOULD URINATE SITTING DOWN
Its gud for mans sexual health.It can help ward of prostrate problems.Men who sit whilst peeing have a longer healthier sex life. read more...
http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/7-need-to-pee-sitting-down/

PROHIBITIONS IN ISLAM
Islam prohibits a man to have sexual intercourse with his wife for the following cases:
1- Intercourse when the woman is in menstruation period and afterbirth period.
2- Anal intercourse. It is a great sin for a man to have anal intercourse with his wife.

H http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Successful-Muslim-Husband

To make your wife feel love for you from
the bottom of her heart. Here are 60
islamic guaranteed ways for real couples

CLEANLINESS HYGIENE IN ISLAM
Hygiene is a set of practices performed for the preservation of health. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), "Hygiene refers to conditions and practices that help to maintain health and prevent the spread of diseases.

1.you would remove the hair in and around the armpits.
2.the part above your genital organ and around it

SHAVING OF PUBIC HAIR
Shaving the pubic hair is one of the sunnahs of the fitrah, and Islam has stipulated that it should not be left without shaving for more than forty days.
hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said: “He set us a time limit of no more than forty days for trimming the moustache, clipping the nails, plucking the armpit hairs and shaving the pubic hair.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 10/284 and Muslim, 1/222).With the regard to women, the rulings on removing the pubic hair are the same as the rulings for men. 
Read more: https://islamqa.info/en/97938

FITRAH:
The fitrah is five things: Source : Sahih Bukhari : 7/72/779
1. circumcision
2. trimming the moustache
3. cutting the nails
4. plucking the armpit hairs 
5. shaving the pubic hairs


THE FIRST NIGHT
What should we do at the wedding night? What are the commands and advice of our religion about this topic?


The Prophet (S) desired to have the °Aqd recited in the mosque and in the presence of the people. Imām °Alī (as) joyfully went to the mosque and the Prophet (S) also entered the mosque. The Muhājirīn and Anŝār gathered around them. The Prophet (S) went on the minbar and after praising and thanking Allāh (SwT), said: “Oh people! Know that Jibrā`il descended on me and brought a message from Allāh (SwT) that the ceremony of the °Aqd of °Alī (as) has taken place in the presence of the Angels in ‘Bait al-Ma`mur.’ Allāh (SwT) has commanded that I perform this ceremony on earth and make you all witnesses.” At the point, the Prophet (S) recited the °Aqd.
Then the Prophet (S) said to Imām °Alī (as): “Get up and give a speech.” Imām °Alī (as) got to his feet and after remembering and thanking Allāh (SwT) began his speech and expressed his satisfaction and contentment at his marriage to Haďrat Fāťima (sa).
The people prayed for him and said: “May Allāh (SwT) bless this marriage, and place love and friendship in your hearts.”12
The wedding ceremony took place on the 1st of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH13 (or 6th of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH)14, one month after the °Aqd.
Between the °Aqd and the wedding ceremony, Imām °Alī (as) was shy to speak about his wife to the Prophet (S). One day, his brother °Aqīl asked him: “Why don’t you bring your wife to the house so that we can congratulate you for the occasion of your wedding?” This topic reached the Prophet (S), who called Imām °Alī (as) and asked him: “Are you ready to get married?”
Imām °Alī (as) gave a positive response. The Prophet (S) said: “Insha-Allāh, tonight or tomorrow night, I will make arrangements for the wedding.” At that time, he told his wives to dress Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and to perfume her and to carpet her room so as to prepare for the wedding ceremony.15
The Prophet (S) told Imām °Alī (as): “There cannot be a wedding without guests.” One of the leaders of the Anŝār named Sa°ad said: “I gift you a sheep,” and a group of the Anŝār also brought some16 corn17, and some dried whey, oil and dates were also bought from the bazār.
The meat was cooked and the Prophet (S) with his purity took the responsibility of cooking for the wedding, and with his blessed hands, mixed them (the ingredients) and began preparing a type of °Arabic dish called Habīs or Hais.18
However, although the food was prepared, the invitation was public. A large number took part and with the blessings of the Prophet’s (S) hands, everyone ate and became full from the food, and there was even some left over for the poor and needy; a dish was also placed for the bride and groom.19
The Prophet (S) told his wives to prepare a celebration for Haďrat Fāťima (sa) After food, the ladies gathered around Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and the Prophet (S) helped her get on his horse. Salmān al-Fārsī took hold of the horse’s reins and with the special ceremony, brave men such as Hamza and a number of the family and maĥārim of Haďrat Fāťima (sa) gathered around the horse with drawn swords. Many women waited behing the bride and recited Takbir.
The horse began moving, and the ladies began reciting Takbir and praises of Allāh (SwT). At that time, one by one, they read beautiful hymns that had been composed, and with splendour and joy, took the bride to the house of the groom. The Prophet (S) also reached the group and entered the bridal chamber.
He requested a dish of water, and when that was brought, he sprinked some on Haďrat Fāťima’s (sa) chest and told her to do Wuďū and wash her mouth with the rest of the water. He sprinkled some water on Imām °Alī (as) as well and told him to do Wuďū and wash his mouth.
The Prophet (S) then took Haďrat Fāťima’s (sa) hand and placed it in the hand of Imām (as) and said: “Oh °Alī! May you be blessed; Allāh (SwT) bestowed on you the daughter of the Prophet (S) of Allāh (SwT), who is the best of women (of the world).” He then addressed Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and said: “Oh Fāťima, °Alī is from the best of husbands.”20
He then recited a Du°ā for them: “Oh Allāh, make them familiar (close) to each other! Oh Allāh, bless them! And place for them blessings in their life.”
As he was about to leave, he said: “Allāh has made you and your offspring pure (ritually clean). I am a friend of your friends, and an enemy of your enemies. I now bid you farewell and deposit you with Allāh.”21
The next morning, the Prophet (S) went to see his daughter. After that visit, he did not go to their house for three days, but went on the fourth day.22
On the wedding night of Haďrat Fāťima (sa), Asma bint Omaīs (or Umme Salama) who was among the women, asked permission from the Prophet (S) if she could stay near Fāťima so as to carry out any needs she may have.
She said to the Prophet (S): “When the time of the death of Khadīja came in Makkah, I was next to her and saw that Khadīja was crying. I said to her: “You are the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’ and the wife of the Prophet (S) and despite this you are crying whereas Allāh (SwT) has given you the good tidings of heaven?” Khadīja (sa) replied: “I am not crying because of death; rather I am crying for Fāťima who is a small girl and women on their wedding night need a woman from their relatives and close ones (maĥram) who will tell them their hidden secrets, and I am afraid that that night, my dear Fāťima will not have anyone.”
Then I told Khadīja (sa) that, “I swear to my God that if I stay alive until that day, on that night I will stay in that house in your place.” Now I would like permission from you that you excuse me so that I can keep my promise.” Upon hearing this, the Prophet (S) started crying and gave me permission to stay and prayed for me.23
At this point it is necessary to take a look at what state the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’, Haďrat Fāťima (sa) had on the night of her wedding, and how she started her life with her husband, Imām °Alī (as) the wedding night, Imām °Alī (as) Haďrat Fāťima (sa) upset and in tears, and asked her why she was in this state.
She replied: “I thought about my state and actions and remembered the end of life and my grave; that today I have gone from my father’s house to your house, and another day I will go from here to the grave and the Day of Judgement (Qiyāmat). Therefore, I swear by you to Allāh (SwT); come let us stand for Ŝalāt so that we can worship Allāh (SwT) together in this night.”3
The following A°māl are recommended for this night4:
1. Try to be in Wuďū for as much of the night as possible, and especially during the amaals below.
2. Begin by praising Allāh (SwT), then say Allāhu Akbar (أللهُ أكَبر), followed by a Ŝalawāt (أللهم صلى على محمّد و آل محمّد).
3. Recite a two Rak°at Ŝalāt, with the intention of ‘Mustaĥab Qurbatan IlAllāh (SwT)’ [a recommended prayer, seeking the pleasure of Allāh (SwT)], followed by a Ŝalawāt.
4. Recite the following Du°ā, followed by a Ŝalawāt. First the groom should recite it, after which the bride should say: Ilāhī Amīn [May Allāh (SwT) accept this].
أَللٌّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي إِلْفَهَا وَ وُدَّهَا وَ رِضَاهَا وَ رَضِّـنِي بِهَا ثُمَّ اجْمَعْ بَيْنَـنَا بِأَحْسَنِ اجْتِمَاعٍ وَ أَسَرِّ ائْتِلاَفٍ فَإِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ
الْحَلاَلَ وَ تَكْرَهُ الْحَرَام.
“O Allāh (SwT)! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.”5
5. Even if a couple are not intending to conceive on the wedding night, it is recommended that the following Du°ās are recited for righteous children (whenever they are conceived):
a. The groom should then place his right palm on the bride’s forehead facing Qibla and recite:
أَللٌّهُمَّ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا وَ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْـتُهَا فَإِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَداً فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكاً تَقِيًّا مِنْ شِيعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَ لاَ تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيهِ شِرْكاً وَ لاَ نَصِيباً.
“O Allāh! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed for me a child from hver, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the family of Muĥammad; and do not let the Satan have any part in him/her.”6
b. The following Du°ā should also be recited:
أَللٌّهُمَّ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا وَ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا. أَللٌّهُمَّ اجْعَلْهَا وَلُوداً وَدُوداً لاَ تَفْرَكُ تَأْكُلُ مِمَّا رَاحَ وَ لاَ تَسْأَلُ عَمَّا سَرَحَ.
“O Allāh! I have made her lawful for myself with Your words, and I have taken her in Your trust. O Allāh! Make her fertile and devoted.”7
6. The groom should wash the bride’s feet and sprinkle that water in all the four corners of the room and house. Allāh (SwT) will remove 70,000 types of poverty, 70,000 types of blessings will enter the house and 70,000 blessings will come upon the bride and groom. The bride will be safe from insanity, ulcers and leprosy.8
1. It is not necessary that consummation of the marriage take place on the wedding night; rather it may take a few days or even a few weeks.
2. Fatigue, nervousness and tension may make it harder; therefore it is important that husband and wife take time to get comfortable with each other and move at their own pace.
3. Artificial lubrication may be needed for the first few days or weeks in order to make consummation easier and more enjoyable.10
4. Early or premature ejaculation may be a problem for the first few times; however, this should eventually be resolved after time and experience.
5. The hymen may or may not bleed. Foreplay, gentleness and intercourse again soon after can help reduce the pain of the tearing of the hymen.
6. After consummation (whenever it may be), the bride should not have milk, vinegar, coriander, sour apple or melon for a week, as they cause the womb to dry up and become cold and barren. Eating vinegar at this time also results in the woman not becoming clean (ritually clean) from the blood of menstruation, coriander (and watermelon) results in a difficult labour and sour apple results in the stopping (of regularity) of menstruation, and these all result in illnesses.11
7. People may make certain comments over the next few days. It is important not to let this affect you, and not to get drawn in to their conversations.
8. Don’t talk about your intimate details to outsiders; maintain respect of your spouse and your relationship.
And lets not forget even our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was a man as well:
Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.[Book 8 Hadith 3240] 'The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)' of Sahih Muslim.
3242.
Jabir heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels. Your wife has the same things that the beautiful woman has.

 In Islam it is advisable for a man to have sex with his wife AT LEAST once every three days.
Islam prohibits only two things between husband and wife:
1- Intercourse when the woman is in menstruation period and afterbirth period.
2- Anal intercourse. It is a great sin for a man to have anal intercourse with his wife.
Other than the above two restrictions, one may enjoy conjugal relations with ones wife any place, any time, and any how their hearts desire.
You can do anything with your wife.. Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 223:
223 Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will.
There is absolutely no veil or purdah between the sacred relationship of a husband and a wife in Islam. It is absolutely permissible for a husband and a wife to sleep, stand, sit, or do whatever they wish whole night or whole day fully naked when no one is in the house! You can see each other naked, sleep naked. The basic principle is that it is permissible for spouses to enjoy looking at and touching one another.  There is absolutely no harm or sin if the husband shaves the pubic hair of the wife, or the wife clears the unwanted hair of the husband, if they wish to do so. There is absolutely no harm or restriction in the husband and wife having a bath together, or having sexual intercourse in the bathroom in a standing, sitting, or any position they may wish. One is neither obliged nor required in Shariah to cover themselves with a bed-sheet when conjugating with ones wife

With regard to the ruling on tahaarah (purity) in this case, embracing one another whilst sleeping, so long as it does not lead to emission of maniy (semen) or intercourse, does not necessitate ghusl.
But if madhiy (prostatic fluid) is emitted, then the man has to wash his penis and testicles, and do wudoo’ for prayer, and the woman has to wash her private part and do wudoo’ likewise.

The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding Night,Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani http://the-finalrevelation.blogspot.in/2012/09/the-islamic-suhagraat-etiquettes-of.html

Also MUST Read https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-1-the-wedding-night

-112- Bedroom Etiquettes in Islam

It is reported that Rasulollah (S) said to Imam Ali (AS)
“After the bride enters your room and sits down, take off her shoes and wash her feet and pour the water (from this washing) to the furthest point of your house.  For if you do that, Allah will drive away seventy kinds of poverty from your house, and He will enter into your house seventy types of riches, and seventy kinds of blessings, and He will descend seventy kinds *of mercy upon you, which will hover over your bride's head until every corner of your house is filled with blessings. And in doing so the bride shall be immune from mental illness and leprosy as long as she is in that house.”
It is reported in the hadith of the Ahl-ul-Bayt that it is Mustahab and desirable for the newly wed couple to pray two Rak'ah of prayer
"When you enter upon your wife (for the first time), you have first to perform two rak'ats and then hold your wife's head and say, “O Allah! Bless my wife for me, bless me for my wife, give her bounty out of me, and give me bounty out of her!" Then you can do what you want."[Reported by Abu Dawud]
The intercourse may not necessarily be performed at the first nighthttp://www.questionsonislam.com/node/11999

THE FIRST NIGHT

“When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman has needs.” — Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)
This is your first time, dear one; don’t expect to blow her mind because there is a 99% chance that you won’t. That’s okay.  Whether you’re her first partner or her 100th, this is her first time with you. Enjoy getting to know one another. Explore one another’s bodies and minds together until you find all the many ways your unique body pleases hers and vice versa.
Sex is sensual. Use your senses.
Listen:  Ask a lot of questions.  Don’t worry if your voice quivers, nervousness can be endearing. She’s probably a little nervous too.  Can I touch you here? Can I kiss you there? Will you touch me here? Does that feel good? Was that okay? No matter how excited you are, you will both enjoy the experience more if you frequently check in with one another.  Ask, ask, ask until she asks you to stop asking.
Watch:  Passion can render us speechless, but the body has its own language. Watch her body. Does she move toward you when you do something? Do more. Does she tense and move away, even slightly, when you do something else? Don’t do that.  A mind-blowing lover is an observant lover, paying careful attention to how his or her partner responds to his or her body.
Touch: Be gentle. Apply pressure, friction, and other kinds of touch in degrees. If your wife is also sexually inexperienced, things that she may later find pleasurable might be painful in the beginning. In order for a woman to enjoy sex, she needs to be aroused. The process of being aroused enough to enjoy manipulation of the clitoris or entrance into the vagina involves both physical and psychological components.  Plenty of flirting before the wedding night, and playful touch during, are important. http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2016/05/how-to-give-your-wife-body-massage.html
Also read   http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2009/06/yoni-massage-vagina-massage.html
Taste:  Bring sweets to the nuptial suite. Feed your bride from your hands. Eat from hers, if she’ll allow. Feeding another person is one of the most basic and intimate acts of human kindness. It’s a less threatening way to get used to touching one another.
Scent:  Good hygiene is hot. While you’re likely to be expertly groomed for the big day, by the time the festivities are over you may require some freshening before the big night.  Make sure you’re clean, fresh-breathed and smelling good. Scent can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Ask her if she has a favorite scent. Maybe have her go to the mall and make a short list of men’s fragrances she likes. Then find one that you also like, and wear a little of it on your wedding night.
Good Sense:  Don’t expect your wedding night to be the night you first have intercourse.  The process of becoming aroused enough for enjoyable intercourse may take a while. Your first night together might include a lot of foreplay, maybe even orgasms for each of you, but that won’t necessarily mean your wife is ready for intercourse.  If your wife is very nervous or afraid–regardless of her previous experience– you may find intercourse difficult or impossible. Do not force the issue.  If she is not lubricated (wet) enough, intercourse can be anything from painful to damaging to impossible.  Enter only when she’s expressed clear, verbal permission that she is ready. Even then, be slow, controlled and gentle.
There is a lot of information about sex out there, although unfortunately, a lot of it assumes that you have experience. While its target audience is teenagers, Scarleteen is an excellent resource for information on all things sex. I highly recommend you begin with this sex and pleasure 101 post and work your way around the site according to your interests and curiosity.
With love and prayers for a blessed marriage.
Shy Desi Boy replies:
Many congrats to you “Clueless about my wedding night” – I wish you and your wife all the happiness and blessings.
I fully understand and empathize with your nervousness and I salute you for admitting this. That is such an important, critical step. Most guys cover up their nervousness with machismo and as a result fail to be as compassionate as they should be to their spouse. So the fact that you are asking if there is anything you should/should not do means that you already are being mindful of your partner’s feelings.
Weddings are often stressful, exhausting affairs. Your wedding might be the last of a multi-night celebration. This may not be taxing physically or emotionally on you but for the bride, it can be grueling. A wedding may also be a moment of sadness—yes you are embarking on a beautiful, sacred journey but if this is the first time your spouse has ever lived away from her parents she might be feeling a mixture of conflicting emotions.
When I got married (I am divorced now), we were both too tired to have sex on wedding night. So we spent the evening praying for people who asked us to pray for them, especially those who were not married but very much wanted to find a partner. We actually ended up not having sex until perhaps a week into our marriage because we spent the first week of our marriage just getting to know what pleased the other person.
But if you both have the energy, here are my thoughts:
First, be prepared. Your spouse may already be on birth control, but please do bring condoms just in case. Consider trying on the condoms in advance so that on the wedding night you have a sense of how to open a condom packet, how to put it on, and what size of condom you require.  Even if you know she is on birth control, she might feel more comfortable the first time if you use a condom too. Also buy a bottle of lubricant—I prefer any lubricant that is water-based, like KY jelly. If you do have sex, consider applying this on yourself and your partner’s genitals, especially if either of you are dry. Again, this might not be the right thing for you but it is always good to have extra supplies nearby to be comfortable. Use condom the first time you have sex. Its better to postpone pregnancy by about six months to one year after getting married to take up responsibility of pregnancy.
Second, go very, very slow. I recommend you begin by massaging your wife. http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2009/06/yoni-massage-vagina-massage.html A massage is a great way to learn where your wife likes to be touched—and where you like to be touched too. Youtube is a great place to learn massage techniques and because Youtube blocks explicit images, most of the content is quite halal to view. Also read from http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2016/05/how-to-give-your-wife-body-massage.html

Third, communicate. When something feels good, say it. Give positive feedback. If something hurts, tell her but say it very gently. This is about exploring and any exploration often involves, uh, wrong turns.
Fourth, if your massage does lead to intercourse (as many good massages do between couples), then do not be shy about experimenting with different positions. She might be more comfortable with her on top or perhaps both of you laying side to side or the famous missionary position..
Fifth, think about your own pleasures. This is the one thing that has taken me a long time to realize. When I used to have sex, I kept worrying and thinking about what would make my partner happy and I never thought to ask myself what pleases me. But I am getting better and my sex life is much richer and mutually satisfactory because I now have the confidence to express what pleases me.
Sixth, and perhaps most important, do not be surprised if sex is not what you expected. That is ok. It will get better, inshAllah.
The goal your first time being intimate is to make your wife feel comfortable, to make yourself comfortable, and to build a foundation of trust that will continue to grow. Wishing you my best.


QUESTION: Soon I am going to have sex for the first time and I have heard that it hurts for women, which scares me. What can you suggest for it to not hurt me?
 The first time: What we see in video/porn is really hilarious and unrealistic
  • No one's first time is absolutely perfect, so leave your expectations at the door. What we see on TV or in movies often makes it seem like sex is softly-lit and super romantic, or in porn, people just barely touch and suddenly have fantastic orgasms. Real life can be a lot more awkward, and sexual behaviours can take more (or sometimes less) time, but it is also a lot better because it's real. It's OK, great even, if your first time doesn't look like a rom-com.
  • While many women (and their partners) worry about discomfort or pain the first time they have vaginal intercourse, not all couples have this experience. If you do experience discomfort, communicate with your partner and make sure you are fully aroused, have enough lubrication(Use KY jelly) — both her own or some extra. When the hymen – which is a thin area of tissue that is filled with tiny blood vessels – tears, a woman may or may not notice vaginal bleeding , and she may or may not feel discomfort or pain. Some girls won't bleed at all.Breaking your hymen shouldn't be overwhelmingly painful. Actually, if you do experience pain during your first time, it's probably from friction if you are not sufficiently lubricated.Use KY jelly.

  • If you feel like tonight is not yet "the night", don't be ashamed to postpone it. A caring partner will value how you feel above anything else and will not try to rush you into something you are not ready for. If you change your mind, it is okay to say so!

  • If you still feel either discomfort or pain, try taking a break from intercourse; you can always try again later. take a break from penetrative vaginal sex for say three days, just to give anything a chance to heal. Perhaps there is some inflammation from your hymen tearing. Take ibuprofin to reduce inflammation and pain/soreness. If you experience extreme pain, you need to talk to a trusted adult or see a doctor.
  • Water-based lube(KY jelly), condoms (if you aren't using birth control and don't want to get pregnant at this time), To help ease penetration, add a dab of water-based lube on the opening of the vagina and to the inside of the condom (if he is wearing one) before it is unrolled, and also to the outside of the penis or the condom. Reapply as often as necessary to ease any pain,discomfort and increase pleasure. Coconut oil is a great lubricant that many people have around the house. It's healthy and very safe too!
  • Talk to your partner about engaging in  stimulating the clitoris manually during foreplay and before penetration.when you begin intercourse don’t penetrate your partner and immediately begin thrusting like mad. Pause a second to take in the feeling of connection
  • There is no need to worry about penetrating the urethra by accident, because that simply isn't possible: it's much, much too tiny.  
Lastly, remember that it's not uncommon for the first time to be less extraordinary than expected. a man's erection might not last long or it might come and go,he may also ejaculate outside before entering, Being patient and taking your time, talking clearly, and learning/practicing are the best ways to allow the two of you to enjoy this newfound intimacy together.
Identify a trusted adult you can talk to. It may seem awkward to discuss your decision with an adult, and you may ultimately decide you don't feel comfortable doing so, but it's important to at least identify an adult you know you could talk to for help or advice. This person could be a parent, but it could also be a doctor, nurse, aunt, school counselor, or an older sibling. He or she can give you advice, make sure you have access to protection, and help you know what to expect. Even if you don't end up talking to this person, it will be comforting to know that there's someone you can talk to about sex, sexuality, and sexual health.
Source: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/first-intercourse-minimizing-pain-and-maximizing-pleasure
PROPER SEX METHODS FOR NEWLY WEDS TO GET PREGNANT FAST. 

The missionary position. Or man-on-top is said to be the position that's best for getting pregnant. This is because this particular position allows for the deepest possible penetration, making it possible for the sperm to get deposited closest to the cervix.

Raise the hips. 
Elevating the hips, which can be done by placing a pillow below her hips, can also be helpful because this exposes the female cervix to as much semen as the male can release. 

Orgasms. Finally, while this has nothing to do with sexual positions, there are also researches that suggest the importance of the female orgasm in conceiving. According to studies, female orgasm leads to contractions that could push sperm up into the cervix. The lesson: have fun while trying to conceive. 
she needs vaginal massage also. hen you can feel her pre-orgasmic contractions, you’ll know you’re in the right place. http://saleemindia.blogspot.in/2009/06/yoni-massage-vagina-massage.html

Q: Is male infertility a serious threat?
A: It accounts for 40 per cent of all infertility, primarily due to sperm defects. Sometimes this is brought on by external factors like tight innerwear, very hot baths, smoking, exposure to radiation and toxic chemicals. Sometimes there's a physiological basis-diabetes, hypothyroidism or genetic aberrations.
Q: What about infertility in women?
A: I see many young women who show signs and symptoms of polycystic ovaries, a condition associated with metabolic disorders and obesity. From job pressure to vehicular pollution, postponing parenthood to sexual liberation, fast food to sedentary lifestyle, all have been linked to infertility.
Conception Timeline
A: woman's fertility peaks between age 27 and 34. That's the best time to have the first baby. The best time to get pregnant? Watch out for the narrow window of time during ovulation, two weeks into the menstrual cycle. The life of a human egg is about 36 hours, while a sperm can survive in a woman's body for about 48 hours.

30% more chances of conception every month if a couple engages in unprotected sex at least two times a week.
Myth : Daily sex increases chances of pregnancy
Reality : No it doesn't. It may, in fact, bring down sperm count on the day of ovulation.
Source: The Complete Guide to Becoming Pregnant. Dr. Firuza R. Parikh. Random House India. 2011




LIFE STARTS AFTER FORTY:
Good married life is like aged wine. It gets better with the age of the relationship and practice. As the man begins to understand his woman, and the woman also understands her man. Girls, guide him,tell him what you want.The key is woman taking the initiative. In other words, you need to kiss your husband first before he gets a chance to kiss you..A woman's largest erogenous zone is her mind, She wants passion, Effort, Attention from you.Tell her clearly You love her.
Muslim woman can become a doctor or a teacher or study,there is no proof against it

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